Firstly..give yourself some credit for seeking help and secondly..you accomplished 40 days, this is a great success and you should be proud, even if you think it a little victory.
We do care what happens and you are taking the first steps to progress. Do come here for support and knowledge and perhaps give the doctor another try. A good rule of thumb is to book the first appointment in the morning and thus you will not have to wait much.
The members have shared some great support and ideas with you. Take the time to explore them all and use what will work best for you.
Meditation and relaxation techniques are underrated! They can very helpful in relaxing stress and calming the senses.
Athena, I know I definitely care that you are trying to get your act together, both because I want to see you succeed in this very difficult battle and because you are an inspiration to me and to others here. It's obvious that you love your family very much and they are an important part of your life and of your recovery, but you have to stop drinking as much for yourself as for them. Do you remember, during those 40 days, how good it felt to wake up with no regrets of what you did the day before? ...and to go through the day with a clear head and the ability to really enjoy life and to take notice of the beauty in nature and to remember the books you enjoy reading? Those are the good days and you can have those days EVERY day. Those drunk days aren't just days of your husband's life, but also of yours. Your hobbies make me think you are a peaceful, thoughtful person and I picture you welcoming the day and appreciating the smiles and beauty around you. So many things to experience. How did you keep yourself from drinking those 40 days? Maybe you just got bored at home because you need more social interaction with folks outside of your family? Are there any yoga classes or reading clubs in your area perhaps? There are a couple of social websites I've found googling different activities that have groups that people put together to meet people with similar interests, like hiking or reading or even yoga?
Not sure if any of my ramblings help, but I just wanted you to know that a lotta people care & want to see you succeed. :-) You know you can beat this beast...cuz you've seen you do it! ;-) cyberhug
I am intelligent, well educated and knowledgable enough to know that there are many people out there who are much worse off than me - but I am in so much pain and for no logical reason!!!!
Unfortunately people develop a queer mental twist when it comes to combating liquor. Our will is totally non-existent when it comes to alcohol. The book called Alcoholic Anonymous talks about people crossing that invisible line where one could turn back. But once we have gone past that, it is very difficult to stage a recovery. Unless otherwise we have a what Carl Jung calls it a spiritual experience.
Here is what he had to say:
Exceptions to cases such as yours have been occurring since early times. Here and there, once in a while, alcoholics have had what are called vital spiritual experiences. To me these occurrences are phenomena. They appear to be in the nature of huge emotional displacements and rearrangements. Ideas, emotions, and attitudes which were once the guiding forces of the lives of these men are suddenly cast to one side, and a completely new set of conceptions and motives begin to dominate them"
I wish I could say that I was here to support others on their road to recovery.....but I am close to rock bottom, and I really need to know that there is someone out there who cares even a little bit that I am trying to get my act together....
After more than 10 years without a sober day. I made it to 40 days before Christmas.... then I crashed and I am trying to pick myself up out of the dirt - despite the shame and disappointment - despite the self loathing and disgust... am I sounding self pitying enough yet? (I know - kill the sarcasm...). I am so sad. I am so so so sad. I cannot go on like this. I need to find a way to make a change.
I have two beautiful children, an incredibly patient husband and at least 30 years left to live in this life. I don't want to waste it all.
I am struggling with accepting the reality that I can't just buy a support system. I am incredibly shy and introverted and antidepressants just make me even more boring.... I thought I had found a great doctor, but she repeatedly cancels appointments or keeps people waiting so long that I can't bear it. I am intelligent, well educated and knowledgable enough to know that there are many people out there who are much worse off than me - but I am in so much pain and for no logical reason!!!! I can't fathom making the effort to make friends because I know that I am not an easy person to befriend - I have lots to give - when I am able - but the rest of the time - I am a very heavy burden on those who care about me.
Do I sound like I am feeling sorry for myself? I want to be strong enough to fight - but how do I fight for my life when the opponent is me?
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