What happened????
Hi Jaci
Well, you've definately been through some tough things over the past year. My condolences to you over your loss. I have yet to experience anything like that so I can't even imagine what it would begin to feel like. The unfortunate thing about growing up is our parents to do too..*sigh*
I can very much relate to your story. I too went through a long period with no anxiety etc. and then *bam* it was back.. I believe for me personally it had a lot to do with weaning our second baby.. but one can never know for sure. I like you too, also seem to handle things while they are happening and don't seem to have an issue with my anxiety / ocd in real times of crisis.. but come peace and calm in my life and my body just goes "haywire" lol...
Since your already talking to your doctor, your on the right path already. I personally cannot be off my meds. I have tried before but my body just does not produce enough seratonin to keep my "level" so the synthetic will have to do. It was my last alternative though, so if you're opposed to going back on them for the time being maybe you could try conselling. I know you mentioned the financial aspect, but I posted previously about Universities offering programs for free for anxiety sufferers. I'm not sure where you live so I can't really direct you but here in BC we have quite a few. I also have OCD issues..and I have just found a free support group for people like me. I haven't yet gone as my meds are back to working and my life has just fallen back into place (thankfully) but that is another option for you.
You are your own worse critic though and the guilt is an unfortunate part of this anxiety cycle.. Give yourself a break you have dealt with some major things in this past year and it sounds like your body is telling you it's time to slow down...... and take some time for you. The fear can be overwhelming.. (as we all can share many stories) but you are not alone. There are so many people like us, it just isn't always talked about. We're here to listen and share Jaci...
This site has been a "godsend" for me as I had been panic free / ocd free for almost 7 years... and then I had my setback.. and I'm doing great now.. Thanks to all the great listeners here.
As for the program it seems to work for so many on this site.. I hate to admit it but as soon as I start feeling better I stop working on it... I'm famous for it as I just go back to my "normal" life. This time though I'm finding a therapist to teach me about my OCD instead of just quieting the "voice" .. lol...
Keep checking in Jaci.. as this too shall pass.
Life is full of ups and downs and twists.. yours is just twisting right now.. you'll be around the bend soon.. no pun intended.. ha!!
Take care :)