I just wanted to share my success story. It's always great to read everyone elses and rarely to I get a chance to "rave" about myself.. ha ha!
My setback began at Christmas and although I'm feeling really great again.. it's been a tough 1/2 a year... and in that year I went back to school.... I only took one course this semester but will be upping my course load in September... eek!
Anyways, I wrote my final and got a 96% which gave me a 97% final and my first A+ ever..... and as a "mature" student with 2 kids and a hubby.. I'm feeling pretty darn proud!!
Thanks to all of you this was possible... many nights when things were rough your posts allowed me to vent and find solace when I needed it. I appreciate you all..
Ok.. I'm feeling pretty crappy today and VERY disappointed that I feel this way at all... I do know it has a lot to do with that time of the month (sorry guys) as it could be any moment but still... the thoughts freak me out.
I'm not sure if anyone else gets this or if it has more to do with OCD than panic disorder..but my mind picks a topic and just runs off with it..and usually with scary thoughts... and they are so random...
Okay big deep breath as I don't usually share what my thoughts are (as if voicing them will guaratee they happen)... today they are about religion... As soon as I woke up the first thought in my head is about church and whether or not I should believe.. and what if I became a fanatic.. or the extreme opposite.. and it just spirals... The fact that I'm not religious (more spiritual) is what makes it even more random... It can even stem from a show I watch.. ie. law and order... someone thinks god is talking to them.. and then I'll think what if I become like that??????? It used to be illness...like schizophrenia.. but today it is this..
My medication works most of the time and I had recently upped my dose due to my setback in January..but because it was working I never did follow through with the program or counselling... Now I'm so mad at myself..... ugh...
I have such an understanding of what is happening and a ton of knowledge but yet when it comes to me and when I personally feel bad... I just don't believe in it .... I preach it all the time.. and when I feel good I believe it... but when it's my turn to be "out of sorts" it kinda just goes out the window and I wonder if this is what I will be like forever???????????????? Will I be someone who never gets better?? or just progressively gets worse??
I'm pretty confident this too shall pass and I'll get back on track but today I'm frustrated and feeling anxious..... 2 of my least favourite companions...
Wow, that would be a huge change - especially the weather. TO has it's own issues with winter but nothing like your storm season.
Sounds like you have a pretty great hubby, I do too (thankfully). I'm sure at times he finds it tough as he is SO laid back and easy going and really can't figure out why I would waste valuable time consumed by worry. That being said though, he always finds a way to make me feel better :)
Do you think your move had anything to do with your anxiety? as moving is considered one of the 7 biggest stressors... or did you have anxiety when you were living in TO too? Sometimes there is just no rhyme or reason to when or why... but how is the most important... how are we going to get through it?....
The fact that you know you can get off at anytime is very helpful. I know you can do this though. You've taken great strides in the last few weeks.. You're on a roll girl!!
Sounds like this town is much smaller than TO... are you in a suburb of a larger city?
I live in a beach community outside of Vancouver, BC.. so although we are just over 1/2 an hour from the busy life.. our community is MUCH smaller... and our "mall" has 20 stores maybe a few more... but nothing cool... as our daughter says...
I just said to my hubby yesterday that I wanted a bike too.. You guys are very inspiring.. I have taken up running again and have gone for a run the last 3 nights in a row... It's been amazing.. The freedom and the feeling I get when my feet hit the pavement is exhilirating... and the high that I get when I'm done makes the "pain" worth it.. lol...
I'll let you know when I get my bike... I have to get past fathers day weekend first... It's his turn (much deserved turn) first to be spoiled..
Thanks.. I'm feeling quite stoked about the whole thing. I'm glad to have the summer off but am definately looking forward the September again. I like having something that keeps my mind "busy" with other thoughts.. lol.
I too don't drink very much anymore but I sure do envy my friends who kick back with a glass of wine and say it relaxes them. If and when I do drink I usually get sick.. blah!! and who wants that. Plus alchohol is a depressant and I can feel "off" for a few days after tipping the glass.... So for me that price is too high....
I do drink a lot of Shirley Temples (with our daughter).. lol.. in a wine glass though and then I at least feel as though I'm indulging a bit...and noone is the wiser nor bugs me to have a glass... ;)
As for "advice" that doesn't help... I always take it with a grain of salt.. Unfortunately some people just don't "get it" nor ever will... Even when they mean well.. They oversimplify and it can be somewhat offensive to us... I have learned (most of the time) to give people the benefit of the doubt of meaning well and that if they really understood they would be "kinder" or more compassionate...
We can't pick our families BUT we can pick our friends... and that's why we're on here... !! We get you Minn.. and you're doing just great!!
I LOVE the rain too.. but not the wind.. unless I'm snuggled up inside with a latte or cup of tea..... I do have to admit though that our weather has been the pits though... As much are we're on the west coast and used to A LOT of rain.. I'm ready for some sunny weather and warmer temps..... It's June 11th for goodness sakes.. ha ha!!
Mother nature does her own thing though and we just gotta flow with it..
Thank you all for taking the time to read and reply... greatly appreciated. I was just having an off day.. It got better and I had a great sleep... so today is a new one and I just have to pick myself up again and keep on smiling... :)
I will clarify for you CD what OCD is ... Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.. The repetitive actions your referring to are the compulsions often used to cope with the obsessions.... I though only deal with obsessions... and my compulsions are low... and much easier to deal with.. Cleaning etc... I can be quite neurotic when it's bad but hey a clean house never hurt anyone.. The obsessions though can be disturbing.. Meds for the most part work BUT I do need to go back to counselling for CBT therapy geared for OCD and I'm procrastinating... but that's a whole other story... lol....
As for my religious thoughts.. that is just my newest thing... I fear death anyways so why not toss in the the religion too.. .lol.. I have been "searching" for some time as to what I should be doing for myself and kids but find life gets busy and Church doesn't fit our soccer schedule.. lol.. so every once in a while I panic about it... Thank you all for sharing your thoughts though and making me feel NOT alone..
I really believe when my mind is "weak".. TV and books etc are very overwhelming and can lead my mind in places I don't want to go.... Plant the seed so to speak.... And then it just goes wild from there... It's like when I was pregnant and watched something about psychosis during pregnancy... that was another worry... but aren't they really just thoughts?? Yes they are.... it's how we deal with them that I got to keep working on...
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