I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas. I posted yesterday but I must of done something wrong because it never came up, perhaps my computer was acting up again, My husband got me a bigger new moniter so its easier too work with now.
I am getting a little concerned {and scared} some of those "old bad feelings" cropped up last night, panicky nervous and sad. I do not know why?? I really did well during the week with all my wrapping, shopping, cards, food, etc......even with a bad period, last night everything just came crashing down, I almost had an attack! and after two months I so do not want to go down that road again, I cannot its too much on my body, I had a nice Christmas I do not understand what is going on now?
I took a early evening nap because I was so weak and tired and had a dream about my old childhood home, it was empty and I was walking through all the empty rooms, kind of bittersweet dream, thinking about my deceased parents I imagine. I watched a holiday movie, said my prayers and went too bed, I awoke with a awful stabbing pain in my mid-right back that lasted for hours and I don't know what it was, it scared me so much, today I feel very tired, my eyes are blurry and hurting, that is probably from watching too much TV, my eyes and head hurt, and I feel so nervous, like I did a few months ago and I am trying so hard to distract, my body cannot probably handle another bout of this depression/panic/anxiety, its so draining.
The only thing I can come up with is that I was distracted by the holidays and now that they are over I am noticing them again, but in November I felt alright, my monthly did NOT help things, it set me back but I still got through it, why are these nervous thoughts coming back, about illness death and body symptoms? After having a taste of a fairly decent two months it would be bad to go back to square one? I even cried last night which I have not done in several weeks! Can anyone explain? I do not think its "holiday burn-out" because I enjoyed the preparations and rested a lot, I so do not want to go back. A new year is coming and I want it to be good, I lost ten months of my life due to this condition and I dont want to lose anymore, I almost lost my family! Can anxiety and depression come after Christmas even through it was nice? I guess I just want a reason I feel like this so I can conquer it and live again!
