Hello CM . Well i have just read all through your thread and if it helps i can too relate to quite abit . Well all except going back to school !
I got my depression back this year because i was soooo tired of fighting my damn anxiety 24/7 . I was a living walking wreck for quite a few months . I didnt eat , sleep i just 'existed' . There wasnt any part of my body that wasnt affected it seemed . I honestly came that close to losing it and giving up because i couldnt see a light and the tunnel was getting longer if anything .
My throat was so constricted i panted at times . Had so many PA's aday it was surreal and totally exhusting . I hated life for a small time , if this was how its going to be from now on then i dont want it . Hey i am not on about sucide i was just so down .
OK how i go through it , um there was no plan what so ever . The only thing that kept me strongish was THESE GUYS HERE . Honest . I was obsessed and on here refreshing like a loon all the time , or reading posts from last year ! This gave me complete hope , yes sometimes even reading stuff on here made me anxious can you believe that ?
went from hour to hour to get through the day , tried to keep as active as i good (as much as my gallstone pain would allow) . I had it in my head the tired i was the better the chance of sleep , pah that wasnt true but at least i got exercise !
In the early days i tried the relaxtion CD's twice a day , plus deep breathing as many times aday i could manage .
I eventually asked for meds , took them 3days and they sent me beserk ! Great . So doc prescribed me something else , and i would have been happy to take them if he hadnt ended with if they dont work i have something else to try !!!! i WISH PEOPLE WOULD REALLY UNDERSTAND HOW OUR ANXIOUS MINDS WORK . oops sorry caps lock . I mean was an innocent thing to say but thats all i heard . I had meds in my cuboard for weeks and weeks !! Then i had eough again , waited till my mother-in-law was staying with us and tried them . OK my anxiety hit the roof that night (have too take mine at night which i think is stupid) , but i got through it and now no probs taking them .
So what im getting at is its time and patience with yourself , and some effort with praticing breathing and relaxation . Plus are are always here to help , advise and encourage you all the way .
Oh i will end , sorry this post is going on abit making up for lost time i think . You mentioned that your eyes roll back , whoah i still sometimes get that . It happens to me when im trying to get to sleep , and i still get freak out abit with it and have to talk myself down .
Take care CM xxx