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Lousy Day

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 466

Hi Caden,

I'm definitely better then I was before, but the PA's haven't completely stopped yet. They may never! But, on the sunshine side of things, my attitude and how I cope/handle it has changed. Getting to this point was no easy task, as I was at the point that sounded like yours for over 2 years, before I stepped up to the plate to actually get help. But that help, has helped me come to the point I'm at right now, where things are significantly easier and the future is so bright it can be blinding at times! (In a good way)

So you see, the step your taking are exactly what you need. It may be a long journey ahead, but things do get much better. It always rains before it shines...

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 313

Oh Caden...

I too have felt exactly as you are feeling... I've felt despair even and was scared that it would never get better... It does though...really!! Like Jhori says..sometimes admitting we need help and then accepting it (no matter it's form, counselling or meds etc.) are often the hardest things to do. I was TERRIFIED of taking medication...(still a bit "hesitant" if I've never had it - but now I have safeguards in place..lol) but eventually I did it.. (3 weeks after filling the prescription..lol..and a lot of coaxing from my hubby...) and for me it only got easier.

For whatever reason we've been given this challenge... I've questioned myself a million times.. why me? blah blah.. and then I just came to the realization that it is just part of me..as are my arms and legs...and the less I fought it the less powerful it is.

You're going to see the psychiatrist and that's a positive step... Maybe meds won't be your answer...your shrink can help you decide what path is best.

Stop guilting yourself though about your Mom... I know that's a hard thing to do but she loves you and the only thing she's wishing is that she could help... My hubby and family went through it too..now years later though.. having accepted me for me... I no longer feel as though I'm a burden... Those were all feeling tied into the anxiety...a skewed perception of the situation.

Caden.. this journey can be hard and scary at times... Especially when it becomes too much.. or your mind goes too fast or in some crazy direction... Take it one moment at a time though... You're doing it.. Think about how many days have passed already since your very first post... And your still here...still "not crazy"... and still chatting with us... keeping your lines of communication open and striving for the best for yourself. Be patient... this is definately not an "instant" thing... unfortunately...

You're not alone Caden..and anytime you want to talk.. my ears are open....

I've had great years inbetween rough patches...but each time they end I do come away with something learned...something that greater emphasizes my appreciation for my life and everyone in it... one baby step at a time...

Take care CM

Dazed

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 151

Hi Ya jhori82:

Thank-you for your words of comfort.

I can tell that you too have been there, but you seem to have past that point. If you don't mind me asking how did you accomplish that?

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 466

I understand where you're coming from all too well, Caden. And although you may see no sunshine in your future, the fact that your getting help shows that you care about both your mother, and yourself. Sometimes we don't know the direction we need to take, and have to accept that we need help. That was one of the biggest problems that I had to overcome, as I am more stubborn then a mule.

And feel free to post here whenever you want. We want you to succeed! This sometimes takes awhile, but we are definitely here in the long run for you.

Cheers

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 151

Hi Ya Faryal:

Thanks for your reply. Sometimes I think the people on meds are better off than me, but I'm terrified of the possible side effects. Life just seems to be falling apart at the seams (ha,ha)

My mum usually is a very patient person, she has been through hell with me this past year and a half. She gets to a point she doesn't know what to do or say. I know it's very hard for her, she can't understand this disorder and how it ended up like this & neither can I.

I'm looking forward to seeing the psychiatrist, I never thought I would say that. But things are really getting to a pitch where this disorder is ruining both our lives.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 823

Hi CM, Sorry to hear that you are feeling overwhelmed and agitated. I think it is a good idea that you will be seeing a psychiatrist this Thursday.........I am sure that will help to organize your thoughts and feelings. It sounds like there is a lot going on with you and sometimes it becomes necessary to take things one at a time if possible. Can you have an honest chat with your mom and just let her in on your difficult state of mind? Can you ask her for patience and understanding because you know you are agitated and need some space to sort it out? We are all here to support you so I do hope this week will prove to be better for you. Hang in there, Faryal, Health Educator

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 151

Hi Ya Miki,, DazedMommy & jhori82:

Things are not getting any better for me although I continue to go to class everyday. I find school overwhelming, my mind is spinning just having to face going there. I'm sorry to be such a downer, even the slightest thing puts me into a tailspin.

I am constantly taking the wrong meaning out of what my mum says and get into arguments with her either that or I am not very interested in what she is saying. I get agitated so easy with her and then the guilt starts and then I'm in another tizzy.

I go to see the psychiatrist this Thursday and I'm hoping he can help. I am finding it harder and harder to cope with things in general.

I honestly don't see me getting better.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 466

Hi Caden,

The nightmare may always be there, the only thing that can change is your willingness to take it on. Through this, you find strength that's greater then the nightmare, making it's existence fruitless.

Damn, you're class really does sound like you have 5 different worlds in one room! It's going to be a great experience for you.

Keep facing your fear Caden. You really are doing great! I know it doesn't seem this way, but you are facing the things you fear the most. These first steps are the hardest. But I believe in you Caden, you can beat this.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 313

Hi CM

The battle is always worth it... even when it's hard.. and sometimes it can be really hard.

I think though now your lines of anxiety / depression are getting blurred and a definate helping hand up is probably in order. Depression can get pretty serious pretty fast and the line is so fine between the two.

Make sure you're talking to your doctor about your feelings CM... that's what they're there for.

I love the gratitude journal - it's a great way to remind yourself of the good in life. It's often the littlest things from the smell of the ocean... seeing an older couple holding hands... a good friend... the sunshine (for me I love rain)...and so on.

Be patient with yourself CM... you're worth it!!!!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 477

Hi CM,

I hope you don't give up, because it seriously gets better! Have you tried the gratitude journal that everyone has talked about? I find that helping and realize a lot of things I forgot about that are beautiful in life. I know that vicious cycle... but your time will come when you get the strength to put your feet down to make it stop. You really can make it stop. The best way I found relaxation was to just sit in nature for a bit. I sat in my garden and thought of all the power these creatures have to strive to live.. and I felt the warmth of the sun hitting my skin and the wind blowing in my face. Maybe even going to the beach to just listen to the sounds of the waves and get amazed at all these energies around us.

I don't really know how scary those people really are in your classes, but they seem like interesting characters to me... I wonder what types of stories they have of their lives.

I hope things get better for you!

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Lousy Day