Day 21

 

Thanks so much Tim....no l cant believe it. I didnt have faith that l would make it this far with all my failed attempts. Im so glad l kept trying. It is indeed blah weeks because it feels like things dont progress anymore but you guys say they will so l trust you. I tried to give up my nicotine spray and it was harder than l thought it would be....l felt intense cravings to smoke so lm continuing with the spray. It feels a bit like cheating now. I just want to break all chains. I think l'll substitute spray with mints (then l'll have a sugar problem- lol. Im ok with that) lt feels fantastic to not be plagued with thoughts of smoking through the day but yes my triggers are still kicking - stress, sadness and places so l will keep saying - No! Not today! Not ever!  

Hi Sparrow,

 THREE WEEKS for you. Can you believe it???  A huge congratulations  to you!!! Another milestone reached.  Keep your quit going and be sure and watch out for those triggers.  Into one of the blah weeks now, you may not notice any difference in your quit but we sure do. Your writing is starting to have a "I CAN do this" attitude about it. Awesome.

Stay strong.

 

Not One Puff Ever

 Another milestone reached

That sounds like it was a tough day and overall kind of a bummer.  But the bottom line is that YOU DIDN'T SMOKE.  It might have felt like a bit of a hollow victory at the time, but for me on those kinds of days I would often end up retroactively pleased for myself once I had the gift of a bit of hindsight.  It IS a victory to make it through those bummer days when quitting doesn't feel good or easy.  To stick it out even on a day when the rewards feel low - that's a true win.

 

Facing those less common smoking triggers will get easier with time.  By the time I had a good solid foundation of quitting underneath me, I would still occasionally be surprised by the uncommon situations that would make me crave a smoke out of the blue.  But one by one, each one would roll around, and I would not smoke, and then I would have a new precedent to work from.  I actually found some of those uncommon triggers to be tougher, because I was not mentally prepared for them to pop up and so my defenses would be lower.  The usual suspects (driving, waiting, meal times, first one in the morning, etc) were expected and so I would show up armed, so to speak.  The surprise triggers were a little scarier because I would have to do some unexpected on-the-spot mental work to dismiss the cravings. Again, labelling it helped for me: "Hmmm, interesting, here's a smoking time I totally forgot about. My brain is letting me know that I used to grab a smoke after a doctor's appointment ... Well, now I don't do that." These little self-talks coupled with intentional deep breaths to calm the central nervous system were really effective for me.  It is now SUPER rare for me to surprised by any smoking-related thought.  All those situations eventually roll on up, and then roll on through.  Just keep it going. 

Hi Sparrow,

 Sorry to hear you had some bad news, but grateful to hear that are still on your quit journey. You sure are having your resolve tested that's for sure. Step back take few deep breaths to clear your head, then keep moving forward on your journey to freedom. One day, one hour, one minute at a time if required, just stay strong. I hope your health issues work out for you too. Those triggers you are talking about, "places and situations where l used to smoke" should get easier to deal with as time passes, it's just going to take a while for your brain to adjust to the new lifestyle. 

 I hope you are feeling a little better today about your situation, and your outlook on life. I really do wish you the best.

Stay strong.

 

Not One Puff Ever

 

Day 16

Yesterday l had a realisation of just how  fallible l still am. I said in an earlier post that lve been able to keep things here very normal and subdued to avoid triggering myself. Im not working atm so lve mostly stayed home and avoided stress. Yesterday l had 2 appointments and errands to run. The first appointment was with the doctor. Normally l would get there early, grab a coffee from the cafe and enjoy a cigarette before my appointment. I really craved this one yesterday. I missed my little ritual. Then l was given some not too good health news (not smoking related). I need to have tests done for a painful muscle condition l am having. This upset my mood for the rest of the day (because if its what l think it is its not ideal). Then with my mood down l had to go to another appointment and was driving around and away from home for several hours. Whilst out and about l really missed smoking more then l have since the first days. It felt strange to be rushing around without stopping for smokes in between. I reallllly craved so much. When l finally got home l had a cry about my health news. Ive had quite a bad run health wise over the last year so this was the icing on the cake. I started to think things like "whats the point? My health is up to **** anyway" and "lve tried sooo hard to put an end to addictions over the years and there's no reward. I may as well smoke". All these self-defeating thoughts were running through my mind and on top of that really wanting to smoke to self-soothe.  l toyed with the idea of going to buy a pack "just for now" l thought. I pictured myself at the tabacconist buying a pack. 

Yeh yesterday was a **** of a day and it made me realise how weak l still am. I was just saying in a recent post that l cant handle upheaval and what do you know....the world tested me. Ultimately l didnt smoke so l guess l had a win but l feel very flat about the whole situation. I didnt want to undo the work ld put in and I knew l would regret it after just one cigarette so l decided not to but l didnt at all like feeling that vulnerable and craving so much in one day. I dont trust myself yet....too much adversity could bring me undone. Another thing l noticed is lm triggered by places and situations where l used to smoke. My hope and dream is that one day (some time this year preferably) l will be able to handle any challenge, circumstance or place without craving a cigarette. Then it will be sunshine and rainbows for Sue -haha 

I feel wonderful thanks Pappy. Now lm wondering why it took me so long to do this. Its like this time around something just clicked in me which didnt happen the other times l tried to quit. Im so happy l didnt quit trying. To reward myself?? I dont know...maybe try out a nice vegan restaurant which l havent done before because theyre all far from where l live or maybe buy myself something nice. 

Thanks so much for all your support and morale boosting guys  lt means tons.