Hello guys,
Thank you for the very nice and understanding replies. Thank you for keeping reminding me that I did the right thing, it helps me deal with all my guilt.
As for getting a new Kitten, well I still have two cats here. I had three. I find myself feeling disconnected from them though. I still feed them and make sure their water boll is clean and make sure the have clean litter....But I cannot seem to connect with them at the moment. I have trouble being around them. Isn't it terrible of me? All they want is to love me and for me to play with them and I just can't. Makes me feel like a very mean person.
I know one day my memories of Oscar will be precious and warm. For now, they just hurt, they remind me of all I have lost.I can't even look at his pictures. I am glad I have them though as I know one day I will love to have them to remember him by.
Last nigth I ended up having to take an anxiety pill to fall asleep around 11 pm. I woke up at 3:30 am. So around 6 am when I had not managed to go back to be I took another pill. I feel bad for taking so many but I need my sleep. Waking up is brutal though. Waking up I realize all over again that he is gone.
I am hanging in there. I can barely eat though.I am not hungry. I just basically focus on getting through onne hour at a time.
Thank you again for letting me come here and laying it on you so much. I am sorry for being such a downer. Thank you to you both for your support. I woke up alone at home since my husband had to work and it really helps me through to read your replies. It was like visiting friends. So thank you.