Five good things about myself? Now there's a test, but having thought about it, it does shed light on what a low opinion I have of myself, as it was so difficult to think of a good quality that I didn't then qualify with a big 'but...' . My counsellor kept telling me how intelligent and eloquent I am, but I know she was just doing her job. I was flattered but not altogether convinced. I suppose if I try, I can say that (i) I'm not arrogant or overbearing (ii) I have a good relationship with my sons and a workable, if distant and limited, one with my partner (iii) It's many years since I got intoxicated on drink or drugs (iv) I'm not physically violent towards other people (objects are another matter entirely) (v) I don't argue with colleagues and clients at work no matter how much I might feel like it.
Well, I've read the first session of the program and completed my first day's activity/mood chart, and done the depression test. So I'm making an effort and feeling a little more positive just for doing that, though my big dark devil keeps tapping me on the shoulder and tells me it's not worth trying, and that I'll just fail as I always do. I'm also worried that later on in the program it will ask me to do things that make me want to run away and hide under a stone, like talking to people socially, approaching strangers, eating in company......and then I will have to admit failure because I just can't do these things.
I suppose I'm not unique in the feeling that 'my' depression is somehow special - other peoples' might respond to CBT or other therapies, but not mine, because it's MINE and it's TOO STRONG for that, and it's my defining quality, it's the controller of my life, and does not allow itself to be hoodwinked or broken, and it will win in the end. We can scratch positive quality number 1, because that is terribly arrogant thinking on my part, and surely warped because it hints at taking pride in my depression, valuing it and protecting it, seeing it as almost a living entity that walks with me. Ouch! I have a way to go, for sure.
). If we don't mean it, we don't say it! I'm glad you recognize those positive things about you! I can't wait until you discover the rest of the list. I'm discovering new things with every step I take. I'm in a rut with Step 3, but realized the program didn't mean I was on anyone's schedule but my own. It is helping me tremendously and it seems that being able to communicate with others who say exactly what I want to say, feel the way I feel makes me feel less alone in my battle. I hope it does for you as well. 
ps tell your gut to just get on the bus cause there's a new sheriff in town 
