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This is huge and I doubt my strength

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This is huge and I doubt my strength

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1693

Pete,

Why don't you start there? You say that its all about people, and that you find people so frightening...I think that is something to work on. Why do you feel this way? Did something happen in the past to make you feel this way?

If you don't want to work on that, then maybe chose one thing to focus on. Perhaps working on expanding your work skills, or developing a new skill set.

Members, any advice for Pete?

Breanne, Bilingual Health Educator

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 185

Hi Pete! Welcome to the nomoney club! :D

Well I should earn my money by now but still studying... with my parents remembering me on every occasion. I had a period too in witch I just closed down. All the feelings inside and on tha outside a mask... no use. But to work with feelings first you have to start changing something in your life. Take some action even if right now you don't have any motivation.

You mentioned the work you should do to the house. You just can start by yourself. You will feel better.

Librarian is a great and not easy job but underpaid... and for me you need some talent to do this job.

By the way... you think all negative about you (it's depression). But how the others feel about you. And I'm not speaking of your perceptions that could be wrong. Try to remember what others say about you but without adding your perceptions. Usually depressed people (at least I) tend to reinterpret the things that other people say in the light of their own depressive ideas.

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

hi pete,

i am tempted to say that a feeling is a behavior.

So that you can follow a repetitive feeling -anger- see it's usual expression and take the exercise from there...

just an idea, in Montreal a percentage of all demolitions have to be recycled so we can get interesting things and materials for renovations at reasonable prices. also... garage sales, and church fund raising activities have cheep funishings that you can -play, play, play - with and if you make a mess it is not worst than the price of a fast-food meal... and it is great to learn to experiment with anger issues

and self-esteem

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi again Pete,

It's morning here, didn't sleep well last pm for several reasons. Your post stayed on my mind, intermingled with the other issues I had going on. I am so sad for you. I am at a place of financial instability myself. To better my position I'd need to go to school, where's the time and money coming from? And then there's the fact that I'm 45 and my life seems like one failure after another. My husband got in late last pm from his trip and although I am glad there's still a lot of distance between us. I'm not sure we know how to close it. Bottom line Pete, if I come to the hopeless part of these things I have nothing. If I fail to give the positive possibilites a chance I have nothing. We do not know the future, but can take steps, no matter how small to change it. It may not be easy but neither is the alternative you present. Look at the toll it takes on you.

We all have those "insurmountable"issues Pete. We all feel like failures - part of the demon's lies to keep us here. Sometimes success is not measured in the ways you're trying to measure them in, but if you want these things it will take effort. That's why they're successes and not luck. Please print out what you wrote and give it to your doctor on Tuesday. You are looking hard at yourself, but only through your negative glasses. You don't deserve the lies, you don't deserve to be kept in this box you keep yourself in. Give yourself permission to deserve. (I have to remind myself too) Please let me know how you're doing. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi Pete,

I just read your post and I'm still digesting it as I type. Most of my issues are feelings also but they do come through as behaviors at some point. You may function well but your feelings will still leak out in behaviors. Take your anger for instance. You've already said you have a problem with that. It's driven by your feelings but your actions are behaviors.

The two really go hand in hand, except it's not wrong to have the feeling. Our behaviors are our response or lack of response somehow these become abnormal responses. Your social anxiety alone will make you have behaviors that would need to be change in order to make you be more sociable. You also posted at one point that we would not think of you as intelligent or eloquent if we met in a social setting. Why? Do you have behaviors that would lead me away from the other conclusion? Think about these things for a bit. I think you'll see where I'm coming from.

You wrote a lot of negative things about yourself in this last post. You used the word never many times, there's much to challenge. There are ways to change these things. Do you want to? What is it about people that you find so frightening? Who hurt you?

You don't have to answer me, but unfortunately no man is an island. I know I tried to find a way to be. I relate to many of the things you have said, but I find no good in them. They belong to that demon that I fight so hard to get away from. You have worth Pete, no matter what has happened to make you think otherwise. Hang in there!!

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

I -um- feel such a fool. I've just opened the Pandora's box of the second session, and am faced with devising treatment goals and plans. I understand how it's all based on behaviour, not feelings and that makes sense. But I just felt giddy and helpless ... my problems are nearly all about feelings, not behaviour, as far as I can see. Outwardly, I function okay, because I keep my feelings locked tight down as far as the outside world is concerned. I'm finding it difficult to come up with behaviours that I need to change, or behavioural differences that I would like to see in myself in the future. I just need to change the way I FEEL. My contempt for myself is based largely on lifelong material failure, lack of earning power, lack of ambition and career progression, leading to constant financial worries and a feeling of having totally let myself and my family down. Oh yes, my counsellor pointed out my achievements and successes, but they just pale into insignificance besides my failures. Everything derives from lifelong social anxiety and incompetence, rock-bottom self-esteem, complete lack of confidence and extreme shyness - not character traits which make for a successful career in today's world. I just have to look around my house and see it falling down around my ears and having no money to spend to maintain or repair it, and I feel terrible and guilty. No treatment goals I can set seem able to address any of these concerns. I am 47 years old, with a particular set of work skills (I am a librarian) which will never translate into a substantially better-paid job. I will never be able to afford to repair our house or move to a new one, I will never be able to socialise normally with other people because I just don't want to and just trying is too painful. Ah, at the root it is all about people and I find people so frightening.

How can I make treatment goals and plans out of this mess? How did others here handle it?

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi Pete,

Nice name and so much easier to spell! You are really coming out of your shell sir! It's nice to know that you feel comfortable and welcome here. Sometimes I don't think that people believe our welcome words or just may not be able to take them in. But if you stick around and don't mind talking it does help. I'm glad you decided to stay and give this a try, you are a very courageous man even if you don't believe that right now.

Thanks for the update on London hockey. Hockey us such a fun game to watch when it is played with enthusiasm and it sounds like you have that there, even without the "big names". The year of the hockey lockout was painfully long but the farm teams still played here. I'm glad to hear that you benefited during that time. I didn't get to see the game today but am glad the Pens won simply because I have some Pens on my fantasy hockey teams. I hope they do better than my fantasy football teams this year!

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Y'all can call me Pete now - that's my name and I decided to stop using a ridiculous pseudonym.

Encouraging to be told my posts are helpful to other people with similar problems, I am encouraged and made to feel less lonely by this community, so it is good to be made welcome, and made to feel a part of it.

Hockey? Just watched the Penguins beat the Senators. No London team any more because the company that owned the rink also owned the team, they sold the rink to be redeveloped and shut the team down. There was another London team started up but they were terrible and went out of business after a couple of seasons. Brit hockey - much the same rules as NHL, played mainly by ex-pat Canadians, some ex-NHL, some who never quite made it to the NHL, and some younguns. During the lockout, we had a handful of current NHL guys come and play here. Standard is nowhere near NHL, but the games are hard fought and competitive. They look awful on TV, but when you're at a match and you can feel the hits it's great.

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi byblion,

Your posts are helpful. When I relate to what you write and/or you relate to what I write we know we are not alone. Goes for everyone here. Sometimes even a very "down" post can strike a chord with someone and it sparks discovery for all who participate in the discussion. I've learned a lot from the discussions here and they don't often begin positive or encouraging. We need a place to discuss our problems. You are where you are right now, so don't feel obligated to be anything other than you.

BTW, You are the first person to discuss hockey with me - It was a pleasant diversion for me in the midst of some very heavy topics we had going on at the time. I tend to forget that pleasant activites are part of the program. It was nice, thank you.

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1288

byblion, Members have offered you with great replies. We encourage all members to write using "I" statements. This is a great way to express emotions and feelings. Often personal experiences allow other members to recognize that they are not alone and your posts become very helpful. You may not feel like you are helpful posts right now, but rest assured, you are! Sylvie, Bilingual Health Educator

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This is huge and I doubt my strength