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This is huge and I doubt my strength

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This is huge and I doubt my strength

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 538

Thank you Rose,

That means a lot to me!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 142

thanks diva! regarding your other post - for oscar:

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 538

Hello Rose,

I haven't had much experience with multi-generation depression. But I did want to say I do think your family loves you. I just think it is hard to prepare someone for this kind of thing. also, I think some people hide theese things for fear of being judge themselves. I know some people who hide theese things to spare others or for fear of passing behaviors on...Whatever the reason they chose not to prepare you for this, I know it ust be hard on you. But the generation before us had trouble speaking of theese things, heck our generation does too.

I am not saying this to preach or to lecture. I am not saying this to convince you to forgive them. I just think this hurts you and I wanted to say they love you, they probably just did not know any better.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 142

thanks pete and breanna,
you are both right and great advice - i'm just so hung up on how this can be/most likely is multigenerational. i have explained all to my sons and told them not to be afraid should you have symptoms like this........sometimes, though, people handle events the same - hysterically! i know i can wish it would have been explained to me till the cows come home, but it wasn't and i have to live with that and learn to forgive and emphathize with them more, too.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1153

Pete (thanks for sharing your real name with us!), It's great to see that you are making some progress and have started the program. You must also feel some relief after sharing with your family what you are going through. We are here to help break the barriers and the stigma that people associate to mental health disorders. We hope that each of you can contribute to our efforts and break barriers with your family and within your community.
You should feel very accomplished for making it to the doctor and persisting until he was involved. You've set up some really excellent activities for your time off. Have you set up some smaller steps to help you accomplish all of these?
Rose, You've mentioned that your family didn't prepare you and I think that nobody can really prepare us for what the future holds. We all handle events and situations differently so it's important not to rely on others to prepare you entirely. Pete has given you some great advice too.

Brenna, Bilingual Health Educator

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hey Rose306,

We were all aware in my family of my sister's depression, so it wasn't a matter of needing a 'heads-up'. I was angry on her behalf because of the way they talked about it (they did not attack or blame my sister, but were just ignorant). That was why I kept my depression from them as long as possible. But with being signed off by the doctor for two weeks, I had to explain to them why - we live near to each other and they would have noticed I wasn't at work.

Maybe your family did not deliberately keep anything from you - after all, even now it is easy to feel ashamed and weak, difficult to admit to having a mood disorder and difficult to ask for help. I wouldn't take it as a sign of how much they care for you, more a sign of their attitude to the disorder itself. Maybe?

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 142

hi pete,
glad to hear you are doing and feeling better. maybe you could help me with something? you say your sister had had a "nervous breakdown" and your parents told everybody about it and will probably do the same now with you. you say you know they care about you. aren't you angry though that they didn't give you a "heads up"? this is something your sister has and you might have also? i'm trying to let go of my anger, but i'm finding it impossible. maybe i am selfish or expect too much from other people. but my mother, aunt and grandmother all had mood disorders, nobody talked about it or tried to get help for themselves and nobody warned me about it. i feel like the scapegoat - i'm the strange one. i ask too many questions. i know they care about me, too, but not enough. i feel like i was raised in quicksand, still there, and nobody throwing me a rope. anyone else feel this way? about not getting a "heads up" or warning? or am i just a big dreamer????? thanks!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi Pete! Glad things are headed up hill! Glad to recognize that your family loves you irregardless of how you feel!

Love the seagull joke - that's my favorite kind and I love a reason to smile.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi Pete,

You sound very hopeful since your visit to the doctor. It is good to read. May you continue to have continued success.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

I'll try an omega 3 supplement - thanks for the suggestion, I hadn't considered anything like that.

Another positive result from my visit to the doctor and his granting my storm-tossed mind two weeks of shore leave was that, of course, I had to explain to my sons (12, 14 and 17) why I had two weeks off work. And it felt good to get it out into the open and talk to them about depression, what it is, how it's a sickness caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain etc. They had noticed (of course) how I hadn't been myself, had been so stressed about little things, had been in bed all the time etc. and had been a bit worried. They are so mature and I am proud of them.

And then I told my parents. Now that was brave. My sister had depression some years ago and they stlll talk about her 'nervous breakdown' and her 'strange phase', and they'll likely say the same about me to the butcher, the baker and the candlestick maker. But they do care, I know they do.

I've taken for granted these people that love me, and I shall try to remember them more next time that ole dark devil starts in on beating me up and telling me I'm worth nothing. I'm on a buzzy little 'high' right now (not on drugs or anything - gave all that nonsense up 25 years ago - just on an unaccustomed feeling of optimism

) and I'm not so naive as to think there won't be a comedown some time. I just hope I can carry some of my clarity of thought with me into the darker times.

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This is huge and I doubt my strength