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Tired and Out of Hope

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi Everyone,

I don't want to repeat what I wrote under another thread but I did reflect on your posts today. I also reflected on those in the other thread about challenging negative thoughts. Everyone has been so helpful and I thank you!

I did alot of reflecting on the questions everyone posed and realized some things. (Some of these I wrote in the other posts)

1. I am too hard on myself 2. I really don't know who I am, only what others want me to be. 3. I am not responsible for all my husband's issues, it is only my job to be supportive and loving. 4. I have apologized, now it will either be accepted or rejected. 5. I will attempt to present my issues in a logical way, but will not be accepting any blame for speaking about what is on my heart and mind.

I want to say thank you for writing to me and staying with me while I melted down for awhile. Your ideas mean alot to me, it is helpful to have perspectives different from my own, it gets me out of the pit of despair I fall into by myself because my thoughts are consistently negative and I can't seem to climb out on my own.

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1693

Mom of 3,

I hope you are having a good day today. Like you said, take some time and consider both what you have written, and what you think, as well as what others have written to you. Hang in there,

Breanne, Bilingual Health Educator

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Thank you for your replies Sheba and Diva,

I just wanted to let you know that I read your posts. I have to get ready for work and am unable to really reply right now so I will wait til later, plus I need to consider what you have written a little longer. I'm not a morning person and didn't sleep well last pm. I hope you both have a good day/ night as the case may be.

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 185

You say that everything you are doing or telling to your husband is not good enough. He is telling you that? He has some specific complains? Or just you are interpreting?

As far I understand that he tells you that you can't explain him crearly enough. I think you shouldn't to tell him all toghether but to talk about one argument at a time. It is easier for him to understand and for you to explain.

About communication I think you should try to trust your instinct too. Even if maybe it is wrong. Batelling to find the cause of everything gets you on missing the plain message you have in front.

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 538

Hello Mom of 3,

I really believe that you are being very hard on yourself. I think part of the communication issues are his. I agre with goofy that if he does not like your delivery that is hir problem not yours! You try to communicate and he shuts hmself off, now that is his issue not yours! As for being punished I am very sorry that you feel that way. I know what is is like to feel punished in a relationship and it feels lousy! You are in my thoughts. And even if you did make mistakes, you are only human and you do not deserve to be punished this long. You really don't.

I can see you want your marriag to work and that you are working very hard on it.I am sorry that you feel like nothing you do is good enough. You do work very hard on this and deserve a break.

As for your health issues, I hope they resolve themselves quiskly. I hope the tests and such help you out with this.

Anyway, hang in there. You are in my thoughts!

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi Faryal,

I found out yesterday during a discussion I was trying to have with my husband. It was a discussion that I wanted to have but didn't really know how to approach it. So I used another sort of related discussion to work into the one I wanted to bring up anyway. This was not direct and therefore wrong. If I had been direct though I still think it would have been wrong.

I wrote about the specifics in another thread about challenging negative thoughts.

Anyway, as much as I want my marriage to work, I can't seem to find a way to do anything that my husband considers good enough. I am paying for shutting down and making some mistakes. He says I'm not being punished but I am. I don't blame him for being angry with me. I'm angry with me too. However, if I would allow, I can begin a long list of things he should have done or done better. I will not do this and won't allow myself to dwell any further because it does no good to do so. He is human and I know that whenever he has messed up he did not mean to. I just want the same consideration and to move on in a positive direction. He may not want to but he is still here and putting out some effort. It's not as much as I'd like but I realize I am being punished. It is a difficult place to be in, he says he loves me but I feel like his dog instead of his wife.

He does know about my health issues. Today I had a problem and just went upstairs and when I came back down he was outside so I explained where I went, why and that the episode had passed and I felt better. He said he was sorry for me and it seemed genuine.

I do question everything, I am unsure of what anything means. Whether there's hope or not and it's making me crazy How do I stop analyzing everything? He says he feels I have him under a microscope, and I probably do.

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 823

Hi Mom of 3, You said in your post that you found out that you don't "present" your issues well to your husband..............would you mind elaborating on that? How did you "find out" and what exactly was the reaction from your husband? There is one thought that keeps emerging when I read your posts and it surrounds the theme of "self-doubt". Somewhere along the line, you shifted from being a self-assured person to someone who is constantly second-guessing herself. Is this a fair assumption? If it is, my concern is that you may truly end up sabotaging yourself and you may live a "self-fulfilling prophecy". I am sure you know what I am refering to, if not we can certainly discuss it. I am sorry to hear about your health concerns but glad that you have tests scheduled soon. Please keep us posted. We are here to support you. Is your husband aware of your health right now? Take care, Faryal, Health Educator

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

I found out yesterday that I don't "present" my issues very well to my husband. I am so tired of trying that I don't know what to do. Everything I try is wrong. I can't even begin to challenge some of my other thoughts, core values, they all seem correct. Maybe I'm just too down to see correctly. My health issue has reared it's ugly head again and I am battling this again. Scheduled for tests to determine what is making me have these issues, but it's really not helping.

I feel like I'm sabotaging myself, but I don't know what to do to stop it.

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Thank you Faryal, I needed to read that.

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 823

Hi Diva, I believe a big part of the reason it is so hard to connect without tearing at each other is because of PRIDE. Sometimes we want to be right more than we want to be happy because we think if the other person admits they are wrong then we will be happier. I think it's great that your husband reached out and offered you to go out for dinner and a movie. Although it may seem like he is reacting to your uproar, you may still want to acknowledge his effort and desire to do it. As you said he is the love of your life and is a good man. Try to find ways to draw that out in him again. This way he will be reminded also of all the reasons he loves you and needs to work on himself in order to repair the marriage. Mom of 3, You have great advice and it sounds like the CD has shown you a different perspective on your situation. I believe you are on the right track by working on yourself first and refocusing your thoughts on loving him unconditionally. Good luck ladies!

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