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Tired and Out of Hope

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 142

hello mom of 3 again,
how old are they? you're probably exhausted! WRITE BACK FIVE GOOD THINGS ABOUT YOURSELF!!!!!!! you have alot more that just 5 but you're so beaten down you're not thinking straight.
"i asked that he call back if i haven't responded as soon as he would like". that was a smart response. you didn't do anything wrong!

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1288

Mom of 3,

Being more direct and assertive in your communication with the other person is a great start. Let them know what you’re thinking and feeling and let them know what you need and want from them (your expectations). Ask them what they need and want from you (their expectations). Try to understand the other person’s perspective as best as you can by asking questions. By practicing new communication skills and being assertive, you can often help keep the dispute in the negotiation stage.

What we’re asking you to do, in a different way from before, is to experiment with being more assertive and to consider your needs and what you want to be important. Because we’re assuming that you’ve been putting other people’s needs first for quite a long time, for a change we’re asking you to think about yourself first.

This doesn’t mean that you can’t consider what the other person wants and needs. No problem. We want you to do that too. That’s what assertive communication is all about.

Negative Thoughts are extremely powerful, and they can really influence how we feel about ourselves and the world around us. Negative Thoughts can be so powerful that they often seem to be true.

Remember, the only two ways to stop the effects of depression are to change behaviors and challenge thoughts. Challenging behaviors and thoughts will lead to other changes in your mood and the way you feel.

Have you tried challenging these feelings that you've been having about yourself? On a scale from 1/10 how true are these feelings? If things were perfect and you were happy, what would it look like? Sylvie, Bilingual Health Educator

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi everyone,

Thank you for the advice Rose and Goofy. I understand that counseling is advocated but have not had much luck before, felt like just another bleeding heart and didn't get any better, just poorer. I'm having a lot of trouble adjusting my schedule to the new position and rescheduling/scheduling the medical tests and procedures I need to have. I'm tired and don't really have hope that a counselor will be able to give me any hope.

I don't like myself, I always mess up no matter how hard I try. Just today my husband called and I tried to pick up but missed his call. Since I was in the middle of talking to one of the doctors I waited to call back until I was finished. He didn't call back or text and didn't call my work, so I had no way of knowing he felt it was urgent. He felt that I should know that. He was angry when I called back. I told him that he was right, I should have called him back ASAP and there was no excuse. I understand that it says that I didn't think he was important enought. I apologized and told him I would excuse myself and call back as soon as I can from now on. I asked that he call back if I haven't responded as soon as he would like. (I'm frequently in on outpatient type surgeries and I can't respond immediately). I messed up but I also feel set up to fail. I don't matter and I'm tired of trying. I don't even know if he cares whether I apologized or not.

I don't think a counselor is going to help. I am at his mercy because I shut down and now I'm being punished. Nothing will change as long as I'm in this limbo. So, again thanks for letting me vent. I keep trying but I am a failure. I want things to change but I honestly can't see past this minute. I also don't know if he'll ever decide to forgive me or treat me like I matter. I keep trying but find I am somehow not good enough in some way.

Sorry, gotta go.

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Rose, I like your psychiatrist and what he/she said! It's insightful!

Thanks for sharing that!

Mom of 3, you have to shop for a therapist - it's not a one size fits all. Ask questions about their counseling techniques, what their theory of a counselors role and what you can expect of them. Find one- It took me several attempts, but the right one was worth the effort.

Goofy

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 142

hello again,
does your job offer EAP (employee assistance program)? if so, counseling is free and they will set you up with someone in your area. two months ago my youngest son was jailed, he has drug problems among other things and i couldn't stop crying or get out of bed.....i called everyone on my provider list and got the same stories - not taking new patients or appts. 2-3 months away, i finally told one of them that i'm "this close" to killing myself & i meant it! they got me in in 2 wks (someone cancelled), also the receptionist took a minute, spoke w/the doctor, got back on phone and told my if i was really serious to admit myself into the hospital (psychiatric unit) and he would see me the next day! Keep pushing! I've been run through the mill and back several times in my life - never was easy - i could go on and on and on......when life has no meaning, when you are brimming over with guilt, can't even get out of bed or cook for yourself - you need help! ASAP! I will tell you what the psychologist told me - you are enmeshed w/people, maladaptive, internalize the abuse you suffered as a kid, MDD, GAD, passive-aggressive, you name it - i got it! then she said to read "codependent no more". it's taken me about 5 reads to really understand it, but it boils down to the only person you can help is you - you have no control over anyone else, you can influence but not "fix" - and you gotta love yourself, warts and all. Obviously, i'm still working on that or i wouldn't be here.
good luck to you and to all of us!!

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 538

Hello Mom of 3,

Thank you for the update. I am glad to see that your work is being accomodating. Let us know how the change in schedule and stuff impacts things for you. I am glad to see you are hanging in there. I will hope this is a turning point for you. I hope you have a good day tomorrow and hope to hear more from you soon.

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3043

Hi All and thank you for your posts.

I will consider counseling but must be honest in saying that I'm not quite there yet. I've been really down at times but I still do not have a desire to be in counseling. I realize I have a "lone wolf" tendancy and this doesn't help. I've looked into what resources are available to me and there's not much. Everyone is full/not taking new patients, not on my insurance plan or miles away from where I am. I will look into it more and see if there is something that might be workable for me.

I have been holding on as best as I can. I recently took another position at work that means less extra hours. It is more focused than what I had been doing which means a little less stress than before. I have identified my work schedule as being a major issue in my marriage and there's been more support today for my job than there's been for years. Although this department is one that I did not mind changing to, I did like where I was and enjoyed being busy and "in demand". However I realize that there are more important things.

Hopefully, this is a turning point but I'm afraid to get my hopes up.

Take care and hang in there everyone

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 538

Hello Mom of 3,

I was thinking of you and wondering how you are. Keep me updated when you feel up to it. Thinking of you!

HEy Sheba, It has been a while. How are you?

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 185

Hi Mom of 3! I know to well how are you feeling. Anger and sadness and desire to feel better, to feel alive.

It is not easy to start getting a grep of our own lives but i beleve that is wort it. You must remember that you are not alone. And you are not the only not feelling comfortable to share with others. I can't even speak with my best friend that is also a doctor. Not a psy but anyway she could help. But I don't feel to share everything with her. She knows that I was on meds but without knowing all the story she couldn't understand why I needed them. But I'm afraid to open with her. Maybe afraid of beeing juded...

16 years ago 0 +0 / -0 823

Hi Mom of 3, I'm glad you posted and expressed your feelings openly and honestly. I'm sorry that your good intentions are always misinterpreted and that you feel others perceive you as annoying. It is not surprising that you are having trust issues given the past betrayal you have experienced and the judgement from those you considered close to you. There is a lot of pain and anger in your post and it seems these emotions have been festering for a long time. You need to work through the pain in order to heal.............I do hope you will consider counselling as an option. Try and do one positive thing each day and make a note of your successes........no matter how small. We are all here for you so keep posting. Faryal, Health Educator

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