Hi Confused, sorry it took so long to get back to you. I wasn't able to pull myself out of the black pit without meds. God knows I wanted out! I couldn't see the forest for the trees, ya know? It felt like I lost myself. I tried to reach out as best as I could, but not many understand at all. Now, some of my friends ask how I'm doing and I tell them how much better I am. If I tell them that I'm on meds that have helped me greatly, they look at me like I have 3 heads and suggest that I don't need medication. But they weren't really there locked in my head - they probably don't realize that my despair was so deep that I almost took my own life. It only takes a minute of deep despair to do the wrong un-changeable act. Thank god I made it through, because I truly do love life. I love my family. It was my desire to improve my relationship with my (now ex) boyfriend that led to making the call to my doctor. It's weird how difficult it can be to take the steps you know will help. Thank God I Did!
Hi all. Please hang in there! Lady, it seems that your doctor is maybe a little uncooporative, or close-minded. It concerns me that your MD didn't return the call from your therapist and that his/her message was relayed to you by the nurse.
Try not to worry about if the depression is "you" or a chemical problem. Either way, the goal is the same - to heal. And it does not make you a bad person, whacked, etc. If anything, perhaps it gives us a kinder perspective towards others.
I left my boyfriend/fiance while dealing with this last (really tough) round of depression. I finally came to realize that every time I was around him my emotions would go off the deep-end (depression, anger, and agitated) resulting in self-sestructive behaviors. Now I'm out on my own - and not very good at being alone. I know I should wait and give myself time to mend, but keep seeming to jump right back in with both feet (another form a self-destructive behavior?). Otherwise, I seem to sit around and look at my four walls, and the depression grows. All of my "friends" from my past life/relationship seem to be really quick to gossip and anything I say or do, no matter how inconsequential, makes its way back to my ex resulting in phone calls from him leading to more anxiety. I'm starting to really feel myself distrust most people and withdraw... not a good sign.
Hi oldblue. You are hard on yourself. Hang in there and remember that just because you suffer from depression doesn't mean that it will rule your life forever (and consequently, everybody's around you - kinda like the commercial, even my dog was sad). Every step in the right direction is a good thing. I feel as you do in that I want to actively DO something to eradicate depression from my life. Knowledge is very helpful. This site has a lot of good information (it's taking a lot of time for all of it to sink in, and I'm working on taking more time to work on my homework). Unfortunatly it appears that depression is a part of me. The more I learn the easier it is to recognize it for what it is which, in turn, is making it easier to overcome. Talking with my therapist helps too. It helps me to start to see things from a different perspective. It also helps to understand that certain situations or events while they aren't to blame, are a factor. I'm starting to understand how my thoughts and emotions started to wander down that dark path. I'm learning to lean on a shoulder when I need to. It's not a weakness to accept help. I wish you the best on your journey to contentment.
nygirl,
Me too! Thanks oldblue for the positive reminder, that a step in the right direction is still a step in the right direction! (Maybe one of my goals should be to do my homework!)
I'm glad you found help. While looking for answers to all that I've been going through I have found that the manic side can be more of a state of agitation (rather than feeling "euphoric" - for lack of a better term). Although I didn't recognize BP signs in myself, I sure did recognize that they were behaviors my boyfriend was complaining about...
Hi Sherylis. Sounds like you're going through a really un-fun time. I don't take the same meds as you (I'm on Zoloft) but have has a touch of side effects from it (oh so lovely diar.) My doctor said that it would subside (it did) and that's why they've got to adjust the dose slowly - so my body gets used to it. Hopefully you'll be feeling better soon!
Hi. Me again. Confused, I was re-reading what you wrote as I'm still back and forth, back and forth....
Looking at things from the perspective you offered helps more than you could know. Thank you. I think I keep going back to the old relationship because of fear of being alone or of trying again in a new relationship. Tie that in with what I found helpful from the Success Stories thread - what would I decide if I didn't let my fears dominate.... it's an easy choice (just hard to not fall prey to the path of least resistance!). I'm still mulling over things that you've brought forward. I'll let you know how things go!
Don't let the "tests" or any terms define you. I think of it as "knowing the enemy" in a way. I've found comfort knowing I'm not alone in all of this. I hope you find your way...
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