Hi Kera7
Good for you for realizing that your relationship wasn't positive and actually doing something about it. You're obviously strong and tuned into what's good for you and your kids.
I think that a relationship should add something to both people's lives -- a thought that only just occurred to me a couple of years ago. No wonder I found relationships so exhausting! For myself, looking at why I wanted a relationship was a real mind shift -- what would a relationship add to my life? At that point, having a man in my life just seemed like too much work, but I realize now that that came from me giving too much of myself, supposedly to make him happy, and not accepting what he wanted to give me.
I'm wondering for you if it's not so much a matter of not being able to trust other people, but more defining and defending your boundaries -- what you want to get and what you are willing to give -- for relationships. You sound as though you're looking for fun and companionship, but is another relationship worth the stress and anxiety that your ex would heap on you (and that you would heap on yourself, no doubt, in anticipation of the gossip and phonecalls!)? Answering yes to that question is fine, but then at least you're going into it with your eyes open and hopefully can do something to mitigate the gossip and phonecalls.
If you decide that a relationship isn't worth the stress, there may be other ways to keep yourself from being alone and bored. You know all these things, I'm sure, like taking a class or joining a club. I find that volunteering in my areas of interest has helped me to meet some really good people and keeps my mind occupied and my values grounded. I'm not sure that it's such a good idea to look to another person to fill your life. Filling your life yourself with things that you like can be more rewarding and strengthen your sense of who you are.
You are a wonderful, caring, smart woman -- jump into another relationship if you like, but do it because you want to, not because you just don't want to be alone. You deserve better than that.
all the best
Curious
