EvolutionHealth.care

Home
Members List
Member View
Posts created by Debora

Advanced Search Form

Members List
Moderation Team
Member View
Posts created by Debora

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

Feel Beat Up

Thank you Bren Sunny and Davit for you're replies. I tend to think it was a bit of a fever, I took it a couple times and it was like 99.7 then 99.5 etc..... low-grade, I had not been out in awhile and I did go to the store Saturday and I noticed someone coughing bad so hopefully I just caught a touch of something, I tried to eat good tonight, drank lots of OJ and water and took a nap, it made me very nervous I almost had an attack around 6:00 pm but I took a half of klonopin and breathed and it never progressed to a full-blown for which I am grateful, I am still a little shaky and nervous, I hate being sick because I am usually all alone and then it tends to lead to panic, tonight I am very very tired and achy {Sunny explained thats part of the condition being exhausted after all these months of panic} I hope whatever it was its gone, I have been doing better than I have in nine months and I would hate to "fall back in the black hole" so to speak, I guess what I am trying to say it has only been less than two weeks since I started feeling a little better, and I guess I am still "green" not secure enough to trust myself to avoid panic and fear, does that make sense? I wish I could get my energy back I am so tired all the time, I am tired all day and when I try to sleep it takes hours to fall asleep and I sleep too much during the day, I need to change that everyone says but easier said than done, I wish I could ignore the body symptoms more and not dwell so much on them, thats when the fear comes in I think. I just hope this is a temporary setback and it improves, it felt SO good not having those horrific attacks for a short awhile, I just need to work harder and get better, my son needs me and if for no other reason on earth for him. Thank you all for caring and replies, they so help me and give me hope!

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

Feel Beat Up

Thank you Sunny and Vincenza for you're replies. I am so grateful and glad the panics have abated but I foolishly thought that I would physically feel better when they left, instead I am SO exhausted and achy, like when you are getting over the flu kind of feeling. I slept seven hours last night and all I want to do is sleep! I do get very broken up sleep, I go to the bathroom a lot and sometimes I wake up coughing or the dogs wake me but I should not feel like a ninety year old woman should I? I took my dogs for a fifteen minute walk last night and I came back feeling like ran five miles?! Even light housework makes me tired, I am scared I have CFS or that all those months of panic have hurt my body and something is terrribly wrong? Is this depressed exhausted feeling normal after months of panic's? I am fifty years old and no kid I just hope and pray I have not caused some irreversable damage to my organs and body, everyone feels tired but this bone crushing achy weariness is not normal or is it? will my body heal? Sunny has gave me excellent tips and advice on how to heal and I am trying to do that, but the lack of energy is scaring me, did any of the members get their panic's under control but then feel very tired and depressed? will that go away in time? I have such dark circles under my eyes I am so pale people comment on it and think I have some terrrible virus or disease! and that scares me, even make-up does not help in fact it makes me look garish.

They say panic never killed anyone so I am holding on to that fact, last time this happened at least I had some youth and not peri-menopause, I just want to crawl into bed and you cannot live in bed. Will this go away, I try to eat healthy, lean fish, chicken, pasta, rice, no sweets or sugar, lots of water, only one cup of coffee a day and a big glass of OJ a day, and I try to walk at least 10 or 15 minutes, is this normal to feel depressed and tired after months of panic and will I heal? I so much want just to feel normal again and look human, I look in the mirror and I look like a walking corpse and thats scary! I guess I should just be grateful the panic's kind of stopped and not complain and just hope this too will pass..... Thank you.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

Feel Beat Up

Hi, I would of wrote earlier today, this would of been one week that I would of had a full-blown attack, today came close, I woke up very weak and tired, I should mention I get very very broken up sleep, my husband gets up at 5:00 and even through he tries to be quiet I still hear him, then my son gets up an hour later, and since I dont sleep well at night I sleep during the day a lot which I know is not good, then the dogs bark and wake up and then I go to the bathroom 3or 4 times or more while I sleep not too mention bad dreams, I wake up exhausted! And then the achy tired weak feeling scares me, I was able to {so far} ward off the attack, I am just so sick and tired or being sick and tired, does that make sense? where's my energy?

I know Sunny I need to go to my MD, this is going to sound strange but I want to feel better before I go, I know that sounds crazy, last time I saw my MD last December I waited almost 3 hours to get in, he overbooks and I had to stand outside most of the time, I dont mind waiting a half hour or even an hour but his staff books like nine people at the same time! he is a good Doctor for the physical but does not understand panic and depression, and his staff was rude about my shakiness last time.

I SO need to go get a pap, mamogram, dentist, physical ect...... but before I go I must have the coping skills, the last two times I went for medical help was a disaster, I went for an eye exam and was so nervous I bolted out and regurgitated outside, I was mortified, and that was just an eye exam, then when I went for my ultrasound my pressure was so high they could not treat me for the doppler till it went down, and people get mad at me they dont want to deal with it and I dont blame them, just the thought of going to the dentist or giving blood makes me shake, What my hope is, is too get emotionally healthy then I can go to these appts, my friend cannot go with me right now because she fell down and is on a walker, and my husband just gets mad and drops me at the door and I hate to do it alone, plus I can only go out after the sun goes down and most places close at five pm, I go to urgent care in the evening if I really need too, I must get over fear of sunlight and daylight, why can I only leave my house at night? when I go out during the day I get dizzy and sick, I live in Florida and that does not help I know. Once I am stronger I will make these appts, but its no use now if I am so afraid I will run out and make a complete fool of myself, people are not very compasionate about this disorder they view me as weak and childish and cowardly, and that hurts, I am hoping light exercise, good diet, and this program will help me so I can leave my house again.

I think part of it is that I feel I look so terrible at least after dark noone will see me much, I do look bad, very pale and sick, and the heat and sun I cannot handle, I know that sounds terrible, I use to love the sun, swimming, tanning etc....now that the panic and depression came back I cant handle it and my husband wont put up with it, I know I have to work on getting a new therapist, its not working well and I cannot afford to pay him if he cannot help me that is making my husband mad too, he was supposed to be CBT and I do not see it, he just sits there and like grins at me and after eight months there should of been an improvement. I am sorry I am complaining and venting, please forgive me, as soon as I get more stable I will go to the Doctors but going out now and collasping from the sun and heat or making a fool of myself terrifies me, I just hope I can get better soon to take care of these things, I am sick of living in terror fear and depression! I really want out! and I hope I am capable of it.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

Feel Beat Up

I wanted to give a quick update, I called another Theapist before, she is a LMCH and a psycologist {I am spelling that wrong I know} I spoke to her associate and he said she is wonderful and does CBT and she is close to home and takes my insurance, so please wish me luck! She sounds good and I so need someone that is expertised in this, I hate like heck to let my other therapist go but after eight months of no improvement and all that time and co-pays I dont know what else to do? The fact of changing is scary to me, but so is almost nine months of no improvement, he never gives me homework and never returned calls to my nurse-practioner about me after months, my husband says he just wants the money and thats all, have I wasted all this time on the wrong one? I have not had good luck picking professional help so I am hoping and praying this one will help me, its so scary to have this go on and on and on......I know when it boils down to it you have to do the work yourself and I understand that, but right now I know I need help, cannot do it alone. I hope I dont pick wrong this time.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

getting through the going through...........

That was so inspiring to read you post and progress Bren. I am hoping to be able to do that "its only anxiety it will pass" You sound confident and peaceful, something I hope I can aquire, you're husband sounds like a gem, a great guy, that is important that he helps and supports you, I wish I had that but I cannot expect someone else to be my "safe person" I need to do that myself. I hope you get better and better! It was nice reading you're post, Sunny has been great too, and Davit and all the others to me.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

Feel Beat Up

Thank you for you're replies. I called the new female therapist today and left a message, I realize its Friday so I probably will not get a call back till Monday or so I am hoping and praying she can help me. Its scary to start over with a new one but after eight months and people around me telling me he is not helping me is scary too, sitting there just letting me cry does not help me I dont want to talk about the past I want to go forward, he never takes notes or gives homework and makes some inappropriate comments about my condition, I feel I did give it a good fair shot for eight months, didnt I? Do you all agree?

I am so grateful the panic attacks have decreased but I foolishly thought when those decreased the depression, exhaustion and agorophobia would decrease, that has not happened and I am scared, those are bad things too, all I want to do is sleep sleep sleep and that is not even healthy I know, the blood needs to circulate and exercise is good, I manage to walk the dogs at night for 15 minutes but thats probably not enough is it normal to feel like your're body has been beat with a rubber hose? my husband says "you're fifty its old age its normal" but I do not agree I know other women older than me that look and feel healthy and vibrant and pretty, vibrant and pretty is probably gone but I would like to be healthy, I cannot even tolerate the sun and heat outside for more than 5 minutes, I need to get out of the house during the day but I become dizzy and sick from the heat and sun, why can I only go out at night? Sunny said its going to take time to feel better and I am holding on too that, should I take vitamins? I do not want anyone to think I am not grateful the panic's have decreased but this bone weary depressed feeling is almost just as bad, will this go away in time? I cannot take antidepressants so I have to deal with it naturally, I am trying to think positive and keep the negative thoughts away, but its hard when you feel so bad and I am afraid to go to the Doctor just yet, and truth be told it does not really help MD's dont really understand this disorder and I feel worse after going to the Doctor, I hate to hear after I ask "doctor what is wrong with me why do I feel so bad" and they say "I don't know" thats so depressing! Will this exhausted sick feeling ever stop? can I regain my life at my age? I feel like a thief came in and stold my life, does that make sense? I dont want to trade panic for depression, they are both SO bad I do not know which is worse?! Do other members feel like they are dying physically? Maybe I need more time, but so much has gone by already, I dont want to feel like I am dying everyday, I guess I just have to wait awhile and hope for the best. Thank you all for listening.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

Could Use Some Help

Hi everyone, I had about a week of somewhat relief but today everything has come crashing back! I just want to run to ER but my husband would be furious at me. It started early this morning around dawn, I actually fell asleep quickly for a change because I have been so tired out, I woke up out of a sound sleep and could not breathe! I felt my airway blocked I was so terrified, I got up and drank some milk and tried to lay back down, I was dreaming so heavily all night and woke up exhausted with a horrible stomachache and headache, I hate to have all these symptoms at once, normally I just have one or two, my left arm is hurting and my chest and I think its my heart, I dont understand why that after having over a week of OK that I should crash like this? I dont know whats physcial or emotional? I have been reading a lot so my eyes are hurting and tired and blurred which is scaring me too, the stomachache came out of nowhere, its too soon for my monthly, all these symptoms are panicking me, I feel wired and tired at the same time, it took so much NOT to have an attack today, my heart is skipping beats and I feel so anxious but totally exhausted at the same time, I hope this goes away, its pushing me back.

I made a mistake last night looking in my medical book about things, I know that was really BAD and I regret it, I was looking up CFS and thyroid problems and fibromylagia, just trying to figure out WHY I feel so bad tired and exhausted, I wish I had not done that, and I wont do it again. I wanted to ask the other members a question; when you were going through panic and depression did you dream and dream all night? and wake up exhausted? its not nightmares just weird crazy dreams all night, I use to not dream so much or just before I woke up, now its all night, I read when this happens its "the brain trying to heal" but shouldnt the brain like shut down and relax and have peace when sleeping, the breathing is bad enough but the constant crazy dreams are driving me crazy, I just want to wake up and feel rested and refreshed, the body symptoms are very bad today, and I am coughing a lot, I am down to 3 or 4 cigarettes a day from half a pack, the therapist said do not go cold turkey because it will cause more anxiety and withdrawal, I am trying to eat good, walk a little and think positive, I was so hoping I was "turning the corner" I guess this explains why my husband never mentioned I was getting better he was so afraid I would regress he did not want to jinx it and I guess he was right, and believe me I was so hoping he would be wrong.

I am sorry I sound like a basket case, everything hurts, my stomach, my head, my eyes and this tired wired feeling is awful! Is this just a setback? like two steps forward one step backward? I was so hoping and praying that I was recovering, and nothing terrible has happened in my life to cause this just the body symptoms, Thanks for listening, sometimes I feel so alone and that I will never get better and I dont want to think negative, I am hoping this is just temporary, if anyone can share I would appreciate it. Thank you, I must sound like a mad woman, I am sorry, I just want this to END!

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

Could Use Some Help

Hi Zen, I do feel you're pain. I glad you got to the Doctors office that was a big step. You're son probably did not realize what was going on at his young age, I know the first time I had this my son was 10 and I just tried to explain to him about it, he is special-needs so it was harder. It is great you're Mom is supportive and helpful, my Mom died young and she was my best friend so I am so happy to hear she helps you that means a lot. I know exactly what you are saying, but you did walk you're child to the bus stop and self-talked and got through it and that is great! I hope and pray that both of us can start to feel better and recover, if for no other reason for our kids, you are young and youth does help, at 25 you are healthy and strong, my problems did not start till I was 40 {I am fifty now} and get horrible thoughts I am too old too get better, but Davit and Sunny say I can, they are great supports as all on this site. I hope as the weeks progress you and I both can feel better.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

Could Use Some Help

Thank you Davit. You're reply was comforting when you said "I've been through all that and came through and got better" it was a very bad day and that gave me hope, hope is something I need right now, that is a very nice picture of you, the background looks very green and outdoorsey and peaceful, like nature at its finest.

Thank you Hugs I will look up that article I would like to read it and if it can help that would be great. My physician really has never helped me with this condition, he is good with the physical part like colds flus antibotics etc......but my panic and depression he really does not "get" he once told me when I broached the subject "dont panic be happy" if it were only that easy, the therapist I have been seeing for eight months has not really be helpful {unless its me and my fault, I dont even know anymore} I do not think he is using CBT, I see him and I cry and get upset and get a stomach ache and he just takes the check and leaves, he even asked me if "I want to get better" "secondary gains" and other unhelpful things, anyone who has panic and depression WANTS to get better, of course they do not want to suffer and live like this, I am looking for a new therapist but I am so scared I will pick the wrong one again, I am praying for God to lead me to right one to help me this time not make me worse, what if I pick wrong again? I hate to change but I see no results and I dont think he knows how to help me. I am supposed to get a call Monday from a new one, hopefully I will, and recover to at least function somewhat again.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

Could Use Some Help

Thank you for you're replies. You are so correct Vincenzia about the mind/body connection, when this first started the panic brought on the body symptoms now its more like the body symptoms are causing the anxiety. Today I am having bad pain in my stomach {I am going to post that on the "ladies only" forum, I hope its just that and not something else} I went to bed with horrible cramping in my stomach and its continuing, I am trying NOT to dwell but the pain is so bad its hard not too.

Yes changing my therapist is very scary, This will be my third professional since January, the first woman I saw was a christian counselor physcologist, she saw me twice, charged a lot of money, and then said she could not see me or help me anymore, cause she was leaving town, she should of called me and told me instead of having me come in and collecting money but I guess I was fortunate that it ended when it did she was not helpful and told me "I was not getting better because I was not exercising my faith in God" that really really bothered me, so I went with a male therapist who had excellent reviews and after eight months I feel worse! I am SO afraid to make another mistake, I hope this new one who is supposed to phone me this week is an expert in CBT and understands, if this one does not help I am just going to give up on therapists, I know that sounds negative but I cannot get my hopes up, spend money and not have it help plus my husband gets mad, maybe it is up to me and I am looking for some magic person to cure me, I dont know? does that make sense? I know I have to do a lot of work but I also know I need some help for now, if I could only find the right person and that has been so hard and not happening, I know therapy is not magic but it shouldnt make you worse should it? I just need help in coping right now.

I understand Zen about you're childrens father getting angry, my husband is the same way he will just leave the house too, and I know how scary and depressing that is and I am sorry for you, I just try to say to myself "they just dont understand" I hope with this program and all the wonderful support Zen from the members we can recover, we deserve it, for our children.

today's top discussions:

This Month’s Leaders:

Most Supportive

Most Active

Most Loved