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Posts created by Debora

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

Very Scared

Hi Sunny, I just wanted to apologize for my earlier post, I sounded so hysterical and out of control I am a little embarrsed. I just get so scared and terrified of these bodily symptoms sometimes. I am a little calmer right now I hope as the weeks go by on the program I will feel better. I was panicking very badly before I hope I did not upset any of the forum. Thank you.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

Very Scared

Thank you everyone for you're concern and comments. Thankfully the symptoms have gone away, I think it was related to my montly period which came last night, usually right before I lose a lot of water, this was a little more excessive but its gone away to the usual routine, I cannot believe I freaked out like that! I drank a lot of water and cranberry juice, and I had no fever or burning or pain just constant urgency which I now see was related to my monthly cycle, even the pain has gone away except for a little cramping which is normal, and it was probably nerves due to going out for my birthday, I am so glad its gone for the most part, I never feel good this time of month anyway and the panic and depression and my emotional state gets even worse, as I am sure the ladies will understand. I am just glad I know what it was and its going away finally now.

My son started school today and I will be alone all day and that is causing me anxiety, I am having a very heavy time on my monthly and I am dizzy, it was nice to have him here safe and sound and I felt safer too, but of course he has to go to school, I am just going to have to get use to being alone, my therapist came today and he was not too helpful, my husband thinks he is not helping me, its been over six months I have been seeing him, he just sits there and listens and does not really know what to say, which kind of scares me, he said today "its OK to be miserable for awhile and just accept it" but I do NOT want to be miserable anymore and I do not want to accept being a housebound scared person! I dont think he is doing the CBT correctly, my husband thinks he is unable to help me and just comes for the money! I hope not I so need someone to aide me with this, the theripist just does not know what to say? I do not want to accept the way I am its not normal or healthy, I thought seeing a therapist would help but it has not, there is a wonderful clinic nearby for anxiety depression and panic disorders but they do not take insurance and their rates are $250.00 an hour and up......! There is no way we can afford this, I mean who could? they are great but unaffordable,, my husband wants me to fire the therapist but where do I go from there? I think I am so hoping he will still be able to help me, I hate to start with a new person, maybe he has gone as far as he can go, maybe its me and I am so severe that after six months he has given up. I just dont know. I am so confused right now.

I will continue the homework and diary and reading and hope for the best. I so want my life back, I hope I can be like Sunny, it felt so great to read how wonderful she has done, and she has been wonderful too me. I still have hope, I cannot give up hope.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

Very Scared

Thanks Davit. I am hoping that is what he meant by what he said but this has been going on for so long and getting worse I dont know if I can stand anymore misery if you know what I mean. I guess I was hoping after six months of seeing him I would at least slightly improve but that has not happened, sometimes after a session with him I feel much worse than I did before and I feel like he "doesn't know what to do with me" does that make sense? I know he has no magic wand and he cannot cure me instantly its just so much suffering day after day especially with the health anxiety and thinking I am going to get some terminal disease or drop over from a stroke or heart attack, I am hoping this program will help dispel these scary horrible thoughts and let me have my life back, I even worry about my child constantly and husband, I just do not want to worry anymore that is probably what is damaging me more than ever. Thank you for you're support and saying I will get better that is so nice to hear and my goal and is what I want more than ever, just a little peace and happiness, I think we all deserve that. I know that I am up late I cannot sleep good anymore, its nice to know someone is always here day or night.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

For the ladies only please

I am very upset right now ladies perhaps someone can help and reasure me I am in the middle of a full blown panic. I am in peri menopause so my periods have been wacky lately coming every 2 or 3 months this one came yesterday only 2 days late so I thought it would be kind of normal I was wrong. I am bleeding very bad heavy and I am so scared my friend is a nurse and said nobody has every bled to death or died during thier period but it feels like it, is this normal when you are starting menopause? I always flow heavy but this is heavier and unexpected because it was pretty much on time, I have been staying off my feet hoping it will taper, I guess the first and second day is heavier right? my husband locked his keys out of his truck so he has to have someone bring him home then go back 12 miles to get his truck so he wont be home till late and my son is gone, I am alone and very scared, I am going to lay back down with my legs up. There is only so much lining up there right? and once it sheds it will taper right? I am trying to think positive about this, I am weak and dizzy, I dont have a regular GYN and I dont want to go to ER or urgent care and have them prodding around up there making things worse. things should taper off right? this has happened before but I am all alone and its adding to the fear.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

Very Scared

thank you everyone for your kind words. I am having a bad woman problem right now and not in a good way I am trying breathe and calm down, I am all alone and scared trying NOT to call the paramedics. I agree "m" I should have a female therapist especially right at this minute considering what I am going through with my woman problem I could never call me about this not a man! I called him once when I was in a bad way and he was not much help, I think if I live through this I will get a female just to talk about female issues, I am sorry I am in a bad way right now and shaky thank you alll.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

For the ladies only please

Thank you very much Samantha for your reply. You were correct it seems to be tapering a little bit I am trying not to focus on it. I tried to eat a little something and now my upper stomach hurts, like something burst or an ulcer or something, again I am just trying to focus on something else and try to think its just indigestion, when I am upset its a big mistake to try to eat but I thought some protien would help. Its been a very bad day and I am just trying to get through it, I am trying to calm my tummy now, my husband is livid at me so very upset and I just went and sobbed for awhile sometimes the tears help just to release the tension but the body symptoms are still awful, awaiting the day they subside and I get at least a little relief.

When I titled this thread "for ladies only" I was thinking that the men on this site may not want to read about this or find it distasteful or too graphic I was not trying to offend them or omit them I was thinking they just would prefer not to read about it so thats all I meant. I am going to write in my diary now and do my homework hoping the symptoms will go away soon its almost time for bed and I just want to sleep and not be up all night again, sleep lately is the only thing that makes it go away.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

For the ladies only please

Thank you all ladies for you're kind support and advice. I am starting to taper a little can you believe this I have been having my period since I was 12 years old and now I am scared of it?! My friend explained to me its only the lining from the unused egg and there is only so much and its not like "real" blood like from a wound, that helped me calm down a little I guess.

Right now I am very shaky, I really hate the mornings when I wake up with that "dreaded morning feeling" do you know what I mean" that always means I am bound for an attack, normally its a crap-shoot, sometimes an attack sometimes no but today I feel it coming right now as I write, I am trying to breathe and calm down but its so hard I am all alone and I am shaky and my stomach is churning, all very indicitive of a coming attack, sometimes its just as hard to fight one off as to have one, I dont know what brought it on? I woke up like this and just knew it, that crazy butterfly churning in the tummy always means its coming, I am trying not to be scared, I thought when I tapered on the montly I would be better. This is such a brutal disorder, my son said last night too me "Mom this thing has taken over you" that really hit home and hurt, I so much want this too stop the last person on earth I want to hurt is my son. I am still on week one so I know it will take time, I hope this CBT program will work, its like I am afraid I will be the one person that it wont help, and I know that is a negative terrible thought! if the attacks would stop I know I would be better and the horrible bodily symptoms, I am sorry I sound so bad I am panicking right now and its hard. I will write later when I calm down,n thank y ou.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

Very Scared

I am sorry I did not write back sooner. Today was very very bad. I had an attack that lasted over a hour usually they last 15 or 20 minutes nothing I did helped breathing praying distraction trying to journal I could not even read my toolbox because my vision was so blurred and I was shaking like a leaf, I was convinced I was having a heart attack or going insane. My husband is very upset, he took my son and left and that was even more scary being alone like this, I am so exhausted from it, I cried alot and I feel like I just ran 5 miles my body aches with exhaustion and I am so scared that its all going to start again tommorow, I wish I could tolerate the side effects of the SSRI's but I cannot the klonopin helps a little but I notice it depresses me and makes me tired and I sleep too much now, another one of my husbands complaints he does not understand that the ONLY time this goes away is when I sleep, I dont want to sleep so much but its only relief I get.

He wants to fire my therapist, he said for 7 months he has been paying this man and I am worse and I have to admit he is right, I am very limited to where I can get help, I dont drive and he works till after 6:00pm and its hard to get evening appts, my therapist never takes notes, and sometimes he laughs at my fears which I do not feel is right or helpful, he does not give me homework and sometimes says the wrong things, I feel like I have wasted so much time and money on this man, my husband thinks he is just in it for the money, and I dont mind paying him but he is not helping me and that is scaring me too.

Today I had terrible thoughts, I dont even know where to look for a CBT therapist, I have picked all the wrong people to help me, I even went to a christian counselor a few months ago she charged me $125.00 and told me "you are not exercising your faith in God" and then said to go on an anti-psychotic med which terrified me, is there any good help out there? I am so hoping that with prayer and this program I can get better, everyday I feel like I am dying, I am so afraid one day its going to get so bad I am going to drop over dead and my poor son will find me, has anyone ever felt like this and got better? is there hope for me? or am I a lost cause? I want to get better so bad but I keep failing and everyone around me is mad but noone is more mad at me than me for letting it get so bad.

I am sorry if this is such a negative depressing letter, all these months or daily panic attacks followed by crying have hurt my mind and body, I just want it to end, I hope CBT works for me I want to believe it so bad since nothing else has. Thank you for listening, I am hoping things will look up soon, my body cannot take this anymore at fifty years old. Thank you.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

Very Scared

Thank you Samantha I am going to work on getting a new therapist this week perhaps a female so I will feel more comfortable discussing woman's issues. I had a very bad day today and I am sorry if I sounded in a bad way, I am sure as time goes on I will get better I just get so scared sometimes. Everyone here has been wonderful too me with their advice concern and compassion, Thank-you.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

What am I doing wrong?

Hello Everyone, I was wondering if anyone was there I am home alone and having severe panic. I had another incidence of being up all night urinating constantly just like last week, only my monthly is over and I should not be having pain down there and urinating constantly, I am hoping its just anxiety and nerves, its labor day weekend and my Doctor is gone till Tuesday.

It seems like whenever I reach out for help I come up empty from professionals, my Doctor tells me to call my nurse, my nurse tells me to call my Doctor, and my therapist tells me to call my Doctor or nurse! My brother told me they do not care they just want the money, I pray that is not true, I just so much want to feel better, just even a few days without this crying and panic, if I could just get a week of reprieve maybe I could turn the corner, I just dont want it to get worse like now.

What I would like too know is what I am doing wrong with the CBT program, I am reading the toolbox, doing the forms from the sample page, I even broke out my old lucinda basset tapes from years ago and started listening to the people talk about their disorders and how they got well, that helped a little, I am taking the klonopin and breathing and praying and trying to think positive, before the panic brought on the bodily symptoms now the bodily symptoms are bringing on the panic, I cannot get out of my head something is terribly wrong in my body, like cancer or something until I can change that I dont think I can get well, I feel so sick everyday and the panics are making me weak so weak, they say they cant kill you but they are sapping any energy and hope I have, I cant take antidepressants and I do not want to go to a mental hospital {I do not want to hurt myself or others and I am not an addict or alcholic so they cant help me anyway} and the thought of going to a hospital like that fills me with terror, I want to get well at home and just get whats left of my short life back, to function again.

Am I doing the CBT wrong? is it not helping? other than a full body scan how can I get these terrible thoughts of disease and dying out of my head? I am so scared I am doing this wrong or I am the one it wont help, I so much need it to work its my last resort because I cant take antidepressants. Does anyone know what am doing wrong? any advice just to get a little better, I am afraid I am going to lose my family, please help if you can, I have given up on Doctors and nurses and therapists they dont help and say the wrong things and just take the money. I am sorry to bother anyone, thank you.

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