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Posts created by Debora

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

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Thank you Josie. Davit has been so helpful as Sunny and all the members they are fantastic and I am grateful for them.

I managed to avoid a full-blown attack today, and it was very very hard, the anxiety was sky high but no full-blown and I am so grateful but I wonder why I feel so exhausted!? I know the klonopin is sedating but my dose is not high, can NOT having an attack bring on feelings of exhaustion too?? Like just the doing of trying to fight it off and not have it? I did not float so well but managed anyway, I feel so tired now like my body weighs 900 pounds, even without an attack, its strange, no energy, is that common and normal? So many symptoms! trying not to dwell, feel like I want to sleep but sometimes cannot. Is all this expected?

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

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Hi Davit,

That is so ironic that you would mention GAD, I was just thinking that exact same thing, a few minutes later I logged on site and you mentioned it. I probably do have that along with the panic depression and agorophobia. Like tonight I tried to take a nap because I was so tired and I kept waking up every 3 minutes like with a start, do you know what I mean, maybe I should not nap they use to help me now I cant nap because my body is wired and in high gear its hard and makes it harder to sleep at night. I always was a worrier but nothing and I mean nothing like that, can panic downgrade to GAD while you are recovering? Is that a strange question? You are correct when you said "panic has somewhere to go" it will stop but GAD is all the time, neither is good I know, I would like to be the heck rid of them both, it effects like everything in you're body.

I am sorry what you went through three years ago, and so happy you are recovered, I hope to be there soon too, or at least functioning much better than I am now, you seem to be able to distinguish the physical from the emotional, I cant do that yet I dont know what physical or emotional?! but I do know anxiety makes both worse. Like right now I have a bad tummy ache and I dont know if its something I ate or just the anxiety, the pain is bad and I dont know what it is? trying not to dwell on it.

I am not to far in the program yet, I keep going back and reading what I am stuck on, I dont want to go forward if I am not ready, I think I tried to hurry before and had a setback. I so want this too work and get whats left of my life back.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

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Oh Davit and Sunny,

I just had a major attack I am still shaking and crying from it. I woke up my usual nervous self I tried ignore it and get some work done and listen to music, the body symptoms again drove me into one, the nausea the stomach pain the blurred vision the headache the shaking and boom I cannot float through these. my friend is angry at me she said "you must not be praying right" she said all the prayer going up for me I should of been better by now, I think I pray right from the heart for recovery for my husband and son to have their wife and mother back, they say noone has ever gone crazy or had a heart attack from this but thats getting harder to believe these attacks cannot be good for youre body I know, I am so wrung out right now, I am taking the med doing the CBT and trying to think positive but the scary symptoms and thoughts are my undoing. this just has to go away or at least lessen I cannot go on like this, what do you do where do you turn when therapy meds CBT and my nurse cant help? I am fighting so hard for my life back. Its going on 10 months now and I dont know if I can survive I am so afraid I am going to keel over, noone knows what to say or do for me anymore I know I cant learn to live with it I mean who could? I am sorry I sound so bad, four hours of intense fear and then the attack took everything out of me and I was all alone and now my friend pretty much said God will not help me! I wish she did not say that that is so scary. I just want this to end.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

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No Davit you did not step over any line. my friend did. noone can speak for God and there is no wrong way to prayer. I guess she is frustrated with me because she wants the "old debora" back, noone wants that more than me. She did kinda kick me when I was down you are right and God did send Sunny and You and this site to help me. I will try to put that negative scary thought out of my mind. Maybe she meant well but it did not come out or go over well, she is probably frustrated I am not better yet and does not suffer from it so she cannot understand but she must be careful what she says not to cause me more fear. Thank you Davit.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

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Thanks Sunny Hugs and Davit,

I layed down for a few hours. The crying and panic wore me out so bad, I actually could hear myself snoring why I napped! Thats strange I must of been in a very light sleep. I am trying to relax and calm myself down, I have been having this all day anticipitory anxiety all week which is almost as bad as the panic's, since the attacks came back after being gone awhile I know that I am just "dreading" the next one and the bodily symptoms everyday sure do not help. Like right now the house is quiet my son and husband are sleeping peacefully, my dogs are with me and I am so keyed up and nervous, and I know why I am actually dreading tommorow thinking {I hope I am wrong} its all going to come back again, waking up with that horrible nervous tummy sick feeling and progressing into a panic, and I do NOT want that its just that its been like my normal routine its just happens! I have to learn a way to control myself and my emotions and fears, easier said than done, if I could just float through them or block them or something instead of letting them scare me so, the only time I feel good is when I am sleeping and I know sleep is good but you cannot sleep you're life away, life is for living not existing in panic fear and depression.

This is very hard for me this time its gone on a long time and I dont want to lose hope. My aunt has the poor clare's nuns saying a special intention for me, she said they are a "pipeline too God" what a beautiful thought and saying. I may have to up my medication and I SO do not want too, I do not want to end up addicted or dependent, but these days of sheer terror and symptoms are so bad, I was so hoping the CBT would start kicking in its just that I am so nervous and out of it its hard for me to apply it right now but I cannot give up, even if I fail at least I tried. Thank you all for you're prayers and such kind words, here is hoping today will be a better day its after midnight so its a new day, we all deserve a second chance I know.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

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Hi Sunny and Davit and everyone,

Thank you for you're replies, that is interesting about the shopping bad of negative and positive I hope I can apply that.

I had a little better than average day today, no full blown {yet} and I hope NOT yet. I awoke with those feelings again I had some real bad dreams and I think that started it, I was able to get past them somewhat and I have been listening to the relaxation tapes I have, my husband hooked it up and downloaded it which was nice of him, I know he wants me to get better, right now I have that "stomach nerves" as I call it, I am sure you guys know the one, the butterflies churning hurting, trying to just say "its anxiety its nerves it will pass" I am trying to conjure up some hope for the future that this just HAS to pass or at least lessen, I so appreciate you're prayers Sunny, thank you, that is such a beautiful picture of you, you are so pretty! I can tell that from a distance and the background is nice. I am trying right now not too dwell on the symptoms and just have a nice peaceful evening, its so nice to NOT have a day of panicking and crying, so far, and the days almost over so maybe I will make it! I know my body is highly sensitized and this is going to take awhile, but I have a little more hope today and I am trying to muster the courage to keep trying, when you all write me with you're tips and advice and information on how you recovered I am so grateful, thank you, taking you're time to help me, thank you so much.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

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Thanks Davit and Vincenzia for wishing me a great day.

I think I am noticing a pattern here. I wake up with symptoms and I try not to dwell on them too much which is hard. I know I am waking up exhausted, I wanted to ask the other members is all night dreaming common with anxiety disorder? I use to just dream right before I woke now its ALL night and morning till I wake, not horrible nightmares {once in awhile} just dreaming of conflict, sickness and trying to work and escape its strange, can dreaming make you feel like you have not slept at all? I feel kind of "wired and tired" does that make sense, like sometimes the symptoms of anxiety are more pronounced and sometimes the feeling of depression, I know I have to start to look better, and when I say I look bad I am not exagerating I look horrible! very pale and sick my hair needs to be done but I am afraid to go to the beauty shop, I look like I just got over some horrible disease and I hate to look in the mirror I actually gasped the other day when I caught a glimpse of myself, I know if I look better I will feel better but I cannot muster the energy, even with make-up, and that use to help, makes me look garish and haggard. how I long for the day to wake and have energy and no anxiety or depression, at least I still have hope, I just hope all these symptoms like the stomach and headaches are a result of anxiety and not some terrible illness, THAT is what I have to get out of my mind, and that is so hard to do, I just try to take it day by day and sometimes moment to moment, just get through the day, my goal is to enjoy the day again and not feel sick and tired and anxious, life should be lived not just existed, hopefully one day I will experience peace and happiness again, I hope we all do.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

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That was such an encouraging thing too say Hugs, thank you, that I am not at "square one anymore" that is such a nice thought, I know I am far from better but a little bit and thats a positive thing, I feel like I am really bewildered at why this happened to me? does that make sense? but you saying that was so positive and nice thank you and I have to believe its true and keep going forward, even if its baby steps I dont want to go backward. My dog just got out Hugs I will write you back I have to go after him~!

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

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Thanks Sunny Hugs and Davit.

I went to the store tonight! and actually did a little grocery shopping which I had not done in awhile, I dont think my husband wanted me to go since I dont look so hot and he is afraid the neighbors will talk but I faced the fear and did it anyway then walked the dog a little, I am so trying so hard to try to remember my old life before this terrible meltdown, I am proud of myself but I know I have a ways to go. I wish I were not so tired and worn out and exhausted, I feel so achy and tired, could I have hurt my body with all those attacks? or is just going to take time to get my energy back? Sometimes all I want to do is sleep which I know is depression but trying not to give in, I guess all the worry has take a toll, I want so much to get better for my son's birthday at the end of the month and the holidays, I want to live and survive, its alot of work I almost forgot how I once was, does that make sense? Two days without a panic attack is nice and I hope and pray it continues, will I ever get my energy and happiness back again? I hope so, this is one of the hardest things I have ever gone through I just want to believe it has an end a more happy beginning!

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

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I have a question. I was just sitting here at the computer trying to empty my e-mail I am ashamed to say I have over 4,000 messages I have let that go so bad I was just to nervous to ever check it. I was just sitting her deleting all my messages when all of a sudden I started to get that burning queasy naucous feeling all over my tummy lower and upper then pain in my arm! All day I have had a headache and managed to not dwell and ignore it, why would just sitting her doing something so mundane as deleting my messages start causing this anxiety again, I know the burning pain is anxiety its been on and off for months due to the anxiety, I ate well just some broiled fish, rice and salad, why does this anxiety just hit out of the blue like this? is this normal? even through I KNOW its just nerves its bothering me. Is it that its going to take time for my body to "detensify" is my body so use to these feelings they just come automatically, its scaring me now and I was doing so well, why out of the blue like this? Nothing is bothering me I dont think. I dont understand this its so confusing.

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