New to this site
So good to hear from you, Hope and Camiol, and thank you, Sonia. I still feel good about my decision to have one glass of wine last night. My current experiment, courtesy of my husband, could be a good thing in many ways. If it backfires, I promise all of you that I will acknowledge that it isn't working, and move on. As always, my refrain is "I don't know if I can do this." But I do know that I'm finding it really important to check into this site several times a day, which is a very good thing. Thanks, Ladies. You are great.
Camiol, you ask how I felt when I ordered the wine. I was paying special attention to my feelings the whole time, so I can answer that. In fact, get ready for an amusing level of detail that anyone but us would find ludicrous. So, here goes: I had made a promise to myself before dinner that it would be one glass only. I was apprehensive when I ordered it, and even more apprehensive when my husband said, "Would you like to just share a bottle?" I immediately told him that if I can't stick to my promises with myself, then I can't drink at all. He agreed, and then he was totally supportive.
I focused on feeling good about myself, being honest, and not letting the alcohol control me. It didn't surprise me (although I was annoyed) when that inner voice immediately started chiming in "You're drinking! You blew it! Might as well have a whole bottle!" Unbelievably, I even had a quick craving for a cigarette (I SO get you, Camiol). I know it's the negative core belief system that the advisors on this site have been telling us about. Knowing where those voices were coming from, I was actually able to put those destructive thoughts aside pretty easily last night, so THANK YOU Ashley, Vicenza, and Sonia.
Also, I kept thinking about Monica's wonderful advice: "Relapse doesn't begin when we take that first sip, but when the obsession begins." That has been so true with all of my obsessions. With the eating, I have managed to get to a point where I can pretty much eat what I like (because, you know, you gotta eat) without eating everything in front of me. It took a long time to get here, but I did it because I know I have to. I am trying to focus on doing the same with red wine.
With all that said, I thoroughly enjoyed my single glass of wine, from first sip to last, and I don't feel bad about myself this morning. I don't think I would be at this point without you all, and I am taking one cautious day at a time as I navigate this territory.
But even if the labels are arbitrary, it's cool to have something as a reminder for important things. And I also found out that the stone "amethyst" is derived from the Greek word "amethystos" which literally means "not drunken" or "sober!" So, here's my contribution for the day, that might help you all focus on what is important in your own recovery:
and plan ahead for it, and I am looking forward to that! Camiol, you might consider getting an amethyst pendant to wear as a reminder to always plan your drinking and not let it get out of control. Silly, but it could be powerful if you let it be.
