Funny this topic should pop up when that's exactly what I've been dealing with this week. Long-story-short, my ex-husband is still controlling me in that he stopped making mortgage payments the home we still own together and there's not a thing I can do about it. He made the decision last April and is still residing in the house --rent-free. I don't know when the bank will kick him out, but it seems long overdue. Mean-while I'm struggling financially and was supposed to get quite a bit of equity out of the house when it sold. It was on the market, off and on, for three years while the real estate market took a hit here in the midwest. His decision to do this has affected my credit rating, not to mention the loss of much needed cash when the house sold. This past weekend he travelled to the east coast to visit our son. During the visit, my son tried to discuss with him what his decision is doing to me and consequently to him (son) because of what this is doing to me. He refused to talk about it and just told him not to "bring your mother into this." That just got me frustrated, angry and in the end depressed, because there is nothing I can do about it. It would be a waste of money I don't have to take him to court over this. I really thought I'd be at a place where I could put this behind me after the divorce was final, and 3 1/2 years later I'm still be controlled by him. He still continues to hurt me. Any tips on what I can do to move past this and put it (and him) behind me? I feel like I can't let go of him because of all the anger. And I'm really starting to wear out the patience of my sons and family. The best thing for me would be to just stopped caring about him and what he does, but I haven't reached that place yet. Being angry at him is an emotion and I want to feel absolutely nothing for him. How can I?
I would benefit by not having any feelings for him because the only feelings I have for him now involve anger. That's not good. I want to be able to reach the point where I no longer care what he does or whom he does it with. I want to be in the place where what he does or doesn't do doesn't hurt me anymore.
Thanks, Goofy. I realize this stuff in my head when I'm being rational. It's when I allow myself to be emotional that the feelings of anger and frustration take over. I was with this man for 28 years and he knows every button to push and every string to pull. And you're so right. By feeling this anger and frustration, I'm still letting him control me. I wrote him a letter last fall and told him I could not and would not have anymore to do with him, even in regards to our sons, unfortunately. I felt so good after putting it in the mail, but now I'm starting to let thoughts and feelings for him come into my head again. (And they're not good thoughts or feelings, either!)
Maybe you can tell me how you finally "let go" of the anger, rage, frustration, etc. In December my counselor suggested I put a rubber band on my wrist and snap it each time I have a thought about him. Negative or otherwise. I've broken tons of rubber bands. Any tips on this??
WOW, Goofy. Thank you. You said a lot of things that made sense and sound like good ideas. I'm going to try them all. I have let this man take up more than enough time in my life and I want him completely out. Thanks, again!
I was in the hospital, or Mental Health Care Facility, last fall. I, too, knew I couldn't be alone at home and had to be somewhere, but the first couple of days there I didn't think it was the place for me. About the 3rd day, I started to participate in the "groups" throughout the day and follow the program they had established for me. On the 5th day, I didn't want to leave. I did leave when my stay was up and I felt so much better. They did provide me with follow-up care and checked on me to make sure I was participating.
I had good insurance and it didn't cost me a cent, but I know the care is very expensive and one usually can't afford it without some type of insurance. I encourage you to enter some kind of facility or program. Deprerssion is a tough thing to handle and it leads to so many other symptoms, physical and emotional. Keep us posted and Good Luck!
Good One Goofy. This was very timely for me as the past few days I've been pitying "me" for all the things I don't have. Thanks for posting it. This is a print-out and a keeper!!
Hi, Lance! Welcome back. I've been missing your posts and have been wondering where you've been. It's so good to see that you've made progress in part of your life since we last heard from you. Keep us posted on how that's going for you!
Hi, Melkuff. Like Goofy said, it took me a very long time, too, to realize what was going on with me. You are, indeed, very wise and insightful to get a leg up on this at such a tender age. I'm glad you decided to come here. This site has helped me immensely. I hope you're doing the program along with posting here. It really does help.
Welcome cvdeb. You've come to the right place. It's always good to hear from others to affirm what you're feeling, get ideas or inspiration to help you get out of the hole you're in or just being able to comfort someone else with your understanding. Looks like you're making strides already and that's such a positive sign!
It’s been a while since you were active on this site. Please extend your session below
You have been logged out due to inactivity.
Please sign back in.
We use cookies to help us learn about how our platform is used and how we can improve your experience. To
learn more please see our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use.
Any tips on this??
I did leave when my stay was up and I felt so much better. They did provide me with follow-up care and checked on me to make sure I was participating. 
