Welcome to DC, Rhodieboy. I see a bit of myself in everyone who posts here for the first time. We have all been where you are right now....and some of us are still there or have had a set back to there. This is a personal struggle, but being able to keep in contact with people who are struggling with the same thing is very motivational in itself. We get and give support, motivation, ideas and just plain old caring.
Ashley - I have re-read this post several times because it seems like this might be me, but I've never heard of this variation of depression. I read posts by everyone on this forum and their depression sometimes sounds debilitating. Mine has only reach that degree a few times, but I have been suffering from depression for about 20 years. (Controlling husband who ran around, isolation [no family members within 1,000 miles] and worry that if I left the marriage I couldn't take care of myself and my two children). Most of those issues are in the past, but I'm still suffering from the depression and have had my "crash and burn" episodes since then. I remember posting here a while back that my mother said she thought I was just not a happy person and compared me to members of my father's family. That was a real eye-opener, even though it made me angry at the time. The other day at counseling, we discussed that my symptoms at this time (after a major emotional trauma last fall) appear to be those of a person experiencing Post-traumatic Stress Disorder. My question is, if I have been in a depressed state for about 20 years, is there any hope that I will eventually overcome this and live a "normal" life? I really hate the thought of having to do activity trackers and thought records for the rest of my life. Like I said a couple of weeks ago, it sometimes seems like a part-time job.
Thanks for posting this Ashley. It took awhile for it to sink in and hit home, but I'm glad I finally posted "back" atcha.
I want to let you know that I'm thinking of you and miss your upbeat posts. I understand, though, that this is something that we periodically go through in our fight against the oppressive depression.
You have done so much work on the house lately and you're constantly picking everyone up here on the depression forum, it's no wonder you're in a minor slump. Take care of yourself, take what you need at this time, and we'll be anxiously awaiting the Goofy we all know and love!
Last week when I met with my counselor, he was concerned because I'm still struggling with accepting the end of a 25-year marriage. It's been 3 years since the divorce and I'm still thinking that I could have saved it or made it work if I had just tried harder or loved him better. After discussing some of the things my counselor and I have talked about over the past few years, I came to realize that the person I was married to has an antisocial personality and a tendency for narcissism. When I Googled Antisocial Personality Disorder, I discovered that this is a picture of the man I married. The lies, the cruelty, the lack of remorse when he hurt me, the inability to commit to a long-term relationship, etc. My family and friends have been telling me for years that I was not to blame, but deep down inside I always thought I could've made it work if I just had the right "formula." I never wanted to be divorced and I never wanted my children to experience a broken family. But my boys are young adults now and they seem to be accepting this change in their lives better than I am. :-)
It seems funny, but I felt as if a ton of guilt, sadness and regret was lifted off of my shoulders when I read the information on this personality disorder. I actually realize now that I couldn't have done anything different or better. Maybe I was just ready to accept that now, but I kind of wish I believed my family and friends when they tried to convince me of this. But, no matter, the lesson is learned and I really feel like I am making progress in this slow journey out of depression.
Diva: I agree with Ashley and Goofy. I think you should still post here. I look forward to your posts as I know many other people do. You obviously feel that you're depressed which is what brought you here in the first place, regardless of what causes or caused the depression. I hope you'll reconsider and continue to post.
Glad to see you here, Razzy. This is a helpful place to come and the program is very helpful if you follow it; which is sometimes difficult as that's a problem with depression: when we're depressed we don't feel like doing anything. But you will certainly get support here, and that's what it's all about!!
WOW! Great to hear from you again. And it's wonderful to hear that you're doing so well. I do hope you'll continue to post here and let us know how and what you're doing. I've actually missed seeing your posts.
It's so good you've been active, losing weight (how in the world did you do it???), not smoking and you've found a new church. So many positives!!! I'm very proud of you, Lance. Things have definitely turned around for you.
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But you will certainly get support here, and that's what it's all about!! 
