Thanks for all of your support. Since I had what I thought was a major setback, I guess I was just having a pity party. I really don't like me when I do that. Your words of encouragement really do a lot to pick me up.
Sid, thanks for the book tip. I will have to check into it. I do spend lots of time at Barnes & Noble. And Goofy, thanks again. Your words really did hit home with me. Samantha, thanks for your words of support. Re-reading what I wrote about my posts getting lost, I feel a little silly.
This is a great place to come to and I like that I'm getting to "know" some of you.
Lance: I'm so sorry you're currently going through this. I know it's a difficult place to be because I go there many times myself. Do you have any close friends or a member of your immediate family that you can just call and talk to? I know that sometimes it's such an effort to just pick up the phone and dial, and if that person is not available, it's such a huge disappointment, but you need to reach out to someone. I'm so glad that you're finding it in you to be able to post here. This is a good place to go if you can't connect with someone in your immediate circle. Please continue to write. It's probably good for you to get all of the pain and lonliness out and someone here will always care and get back to you.
WOW! Sounds like you have a wonderfully supportive husband. I felt my depression lift a bit just reading what he said to you! You are a lucky woman, Diva.
Lance. I don't think you are/were a bad father. You did what you thought was best thing at the time: providing for your family. Unfortunately, sometimes we learn too late that when we think that we're doing the best thing for the ones that we love, it's not what they need or want right then and both parties fail to communicate that. I know you didn't intentionally decide that you were going to work hard for your family so you didn't have to spend time with them. It just doesn't make sense, does it? Please stop beating yourself up and start telling yourself that you did what you thought was the best thing for them at the time.
Also, as far as your relationship with your son; I know this has to be very painful for you. The only thing you can do is to continue to let your son know that you are there and that you love him. Eventually he will get over the anger and might listen to you. Continue to e-mail him, text him, and communicate however you can. When he learns that you'll always be there, he might come around. You need to be patient, though. It might take a very long time. But, it will give you something to work toward (for) and might alleviate some of the hopelessness that you feel. Continue to come here to this forum. We all care about what you're going through.
Lance: We have all been there where you are right now and many of us revisit that place, too. Just know that it will eventually get better. Continue to come here and post. I hope you're following the program. It really helps and gives you a feeling of being somewhat in control. Take care.
Lance: I know how painful that e-mail from your son is and it sounds to me that he's just speaking (writing) out of anger. The anger will eventually fade and you need to work on being the kind of father you want to be for your son by the time that happens. My suggestion would be to put that e-mail out of your mind for a while so you can work on some positive things about YOU. Don't read it. Don't even have it easily accessible. The e-mail is just bringing you down and keeping you there. Have you started the program on this site yet? If not, I suggest that you do so. It'll give you something positive to do while you're working on getting out of this "place." Good luck, Lance. Keep us posted......
Welcome KittyKat. I'm glad you finally found the courage to post. This is a very friendly, supportive place and the more you post, the easier it becomes. I'm somewhat of a newbie myself.
Do you think that you would feel comfortable talking to your family first? I've found that my family has been very suppoortive of me even though they don't live nearby. Whenever I'm feeling depressed or anxious, I know I can reach at least one of them on the phone at any given time. In fact, sometimes I feel more comfortable talking to people over the phone than face-to-face, because I, too, am a bit shy. After you've talked to a few members of your family about your depression, you might find it easier to talk to a close friend or two. You'll be surprised by how supportive your family and friends will be. I have not found anyone in my inner circle to be judgemental or uncaring.
Good luck and again, welcome to this site. I hope to see you post here more often. You'll find this a great place to come to and you'll meet many supportive "cyber" friends here.
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