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13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 72

watching movies

I'm still new to posting in the forum, so even though the date is awhile back, I wanted to reply.

It helps to know there are others that have the same reactions I do. Just yesterday my husband put on a movie

and I can't handle anticipation, whether its violence or comedy. It gets me too nervous. I have to remind mysefl

it is only a movie. He has to watch Dexter alone - it's just too upsetting for me. I feel the fear too much. I love animation.

If you haven't seen 'Up' its adorable. We watch it over and over and now use the line "but its a talking dog" we just find it hilarious how he says it, only we put in our own words for stuff that comes up thru the day.

'A'

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 72

Happy I found all of you!!

This is amazing. Since my med changes and coming to the Forum and doing the 'program'

I am already seeing changes in myself.

My panic attacks have lessened. I have even been able to catch myself headed toward one and

do some self talk to bring me back.

My OCD seems to be adjusting. I made home made mini pecan pies this evening and was making a hugh mess, I started to panic cause I felt out of control not being able to clean as I go and do all I needed to do at the same time. So I left the mess I was making except for puting away ingredients as I went along. The counter was filled with messy utensils and flour everywhere and dough for the crust. I could feel myself wanting to hyperventilate but was too busy to do it, so I stayed focused on getting the pies into the oven. It took quite a bit of time to clean up the mess but I got thru it and the counter looked nice and clean and bare which eased my mind.

We had a good laugh today when my husband told me how filled the mailbox was with mail when he put his in he could feel all the envelopes at the top. I looked at him and said in a humorous tone, with my OCD not to tell me that. When he asked why I told him when I mail letters I have to open the slot many times to know my mail really went down and no one can get to it. If I felt mail I would have have had an anxiety attack. So he backtracked and told me a story to change it and we laughed! Better to have been there to know how we use humor to get thru my quirks. In the past I would have made him feel terrible for doing such a thing! BTW - the pies came out great!

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 72

What went right today!

Have you ruled out hypoglycemia?

My attack comes around 4ish AM and I have to have some orange juice.

I was told to eat a handful of almonds before I went to bed, also.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 72

Waffling

I do the same as Sunny -

At work -I have lists for my lists - Depending on the day I sometimes do the small items first, it not only gives me a sense of accomplishment, but I feel lighter. And I love a cleared desk (my OCD again)I leave the projects for when I don't have any interuptions. There are days I enjoy getting to some of those projects at 4 in the morning when the energy outside is still.

At home, I guess it's the same - priority. I make notes for myself, I even have to mark down time to clean (although I have cleaning supplies everywhere, so if I see something, I do it on the spot.).

If I don't get to something it gnaws away at me. With having our own business, I have to be disciplined and use time management which includes playtime and exercise time, too.

It took many life lessons to get on track and stay on track. I don't like how it feels otherwise.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 72

Proof of Some Success

Teebs, that is so nice to hear. I couldn't conceive of how it could possibly change. It has/had become so much a part of me that I wasn't sure I could be free of panic attacks/anxiety. I wasn't sure I wanted it to leave since it was my identity. But I see what you are talking about. With my new psychiatrist and med changes and being part of the forum and doing the lessons, I actually feel somewhat better. I don't know how it works but its working. I'm starting to come out of my shell I've been hiding in. Thanks. I look forward to #s like that. A

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 72

PTSD

I'm so glad agoraphobia is talked about here. It's amazing me how everything is connected. Before the meds kicked in and I found this site, I kept telling my husband I'm just gonna become an agoraphobic - I just can't take life any more, too much stress, too many fears, and don't understand certain types of people and how they think they can treat others it baffles me.

In the movie Slingblade, Carl says toward the end after someone asks him (and I'm paraphrasing) how is it out there - and he replies that its too big. boy, do I relate. much too much energy.

My husband said tonight that he's glad I decided against it, that I'd find it would only make life worse. He's thrilled that I've found help, both meds and here. Little by little, in small steps, I see changes. I have to remember that the past can no longer hurt me. By letting the world get to me, I keep all those memories alive, and I'm tired. At 57 y/o, I would have thought I'd find peace by now with all the work I've done on myself with help. Before the correct meds I went to a psychiatrist that I could see was a pill pusher and told him I was tired of feeling, so he overdosed me. I liked being out of it for awhile, but it didn't work, too many side effects, in danger of seizures, and I felt not anchored. But I may find peace afterall.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 72

A request to read my blog

Hi Dizzy, I'm such a dinasaur I don't even know how to get to a blog. I would love to read it so I can support on your journey in life. Just give me directions and I'll be there later today.

Right now it's my husband's birthday, so it is important for me to focus on him.

'A'

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 72

Proof of Some Success

Sorry, just curious what the yellow stars are on the home page for a couple of forum titles

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 72

New to Site

Hi Leland, I've only been coming to this site a couple of weeks+. Between my medications finally working out and doing the assignments and posting in the forum, I have actually seen changes already. I'm amazed, 'cause I thought my life was doomed to be hell on earth. I'm actually having glimpses of feeling happy. That's amazing to me. And since my husband sees changes in me - he's happier, too. Stay with it and with all of us - everyone is great and positive about recovery!

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 72

Happy I found all of you!!

I am starting to recognize some of my OCD stuff more clearly and when some of them come up I try to take it more lightly but right now it's still too panicky to not do - some of it seems so silly, but I feel when I try to not give in or change it - it creates too much anxiety. I have a difficult time puting shelved grocery items away - I need to have them all in front of me - I had my husband take the doors off one cabinet. I was thinking of glass but now is not the right time $wise.We have a pantry, but it has a door and is outside the kitchen so it doesn't help. What I don't have room for on the counter I can only have one line showing me everything. Even in the fridge - I cannot have anything behind anything. Good thing we have two fridges! I'm sure it has something to do with past eating disorders, doesn't really matter.

I have started to spend less time with my hair. Not in the AM, but on weekends I no longer am cutting it - I put up a sign and my new hairdresser whom I trust, has told me to leave it alone, and can come to her shop whenever I feel an urge. Just the feeling of safety and her caring about me seems to be enough for me to stop. I have put off flying to NY to visit my son (it's been 6 mos, he's only 23) - big time panic attacks for turbulance and the fear of the fear if crashing. Probably will get the camera for his computer so we can see each other when we talk. There's more for a later time.

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