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13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 72

Happy I found all of you!!

Hello to all of you.

The other day I had a day from hell! My daily anxiety is a current that is always present.

But this day I had a major panic attack that lasted quite a long time. I hadn't had one this severe in quite a few years. I do experience panic attacks atleast once or twice a week.

I was able to get to my husband and tell him I was having a panic attack and he helped me catch my breath by talking thru the situation that had occurred. Even still, the panic attack was still there on a lesser scale. I knew I had to function thru the remainder of the day, although I started to cry again while speaking to one of our venders and had to hang up the phone. I was pretty burnt out, but after my husband went to sleep the panic attack came back, as if I felt safe to let it all out. I had to pace in a quick fashion and ranted and raved in a whisper. The energy was very intense.

Once I burnt myself out again, I went on my computer to check out the psych ward at the hospital, but since this is a small community and I am known thru our business, I held off. I then went to a site that I was checked out and the one post, the first post I went to was someone telling another person about this site.

I quickly went to panic center, and immediately did the first lesson. It helped me to the point I was able to sleep. I also felt safe knowing ther is now a place I can come to to express what is happening with me and my surroundings and to read posts from others who are experiencing and healing.

The next morning I called to make an emergency appt with my psychiatrist. And I have logged on here thru out the day.

I look forward to doing the rest of the lessons.

I am 58 y/o and would love to hear from any women that are around my age or older.

I have been on wellbutrin to rid myself of 'the nasties', and someother meds to help with the anxiety and depression.

Well, I've rambled on. I look forward to sharing with all of you.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 72

PTSD

Hi all,

Is PTSD talked about in any of the lessons. I have only finished the 1st and the one on worry.

Please direct me in the right direction.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 72

PTSD

Ashley, there are two responses in Ask the Expert - but I couldn't get the submissions open.

every where else I go to works fine.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 72

Happy I found all of you!!

Hi all,

I set some goals for myself - each day I will do atleast one thing' that I wasn't

able to do before. Yesterday I changed the kitty litter pan. It was abit difficult, I wanted it to be

perfectly clean so it took me alot longer then I would have lliked it to be. I wasn't able to hold back telling my husband I neded to wash it and I would like a cleaning utensil that doesn't have the spaces in it for 'stuff' to fall thru. It's just

disgusting, uchh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today I took some time for me and actually enjoyed it. I'm doing a total make-over, already have done most

clothes. Today I had a consult for someone to do my hair, which is a major step for me. I know I am/was obsessive about my hair to the point of trimming it everyday, every piece had to be in its own perfect place. I put a note on my mirror reminding me not to cut my hair, and so far its working. When I turned 57 it began alot of fear/depression, like adolescence felt. There seems to be a major change going on internally, physically, mentally, etc. I have terrible fears of getting older and not being the person I was. I have a difficult time looking in the mirror and think I am ugly. All I see is my mother's face(not that she was ugly, if anything she was beautiful), which is a whole 'nother story. It's as if all of a sudden I was gone and I knew people viewed me as middle age now. It's a very interesting phenomenon. Looking out from the inside and knowing their perception is totally different from what I am, seems so strange. When it first occurred I actually stopped mis sentence.

Well, I've rambled on. So sorry. Don't yet know the rules, who'se who, what's what.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 72

Weekend Prep

It was my anger that started me on the road to recovery, again. I took a sabatical for a few years while caring for family. I had two major outbursts that I couldn't control within this past year. The lesser outbursts I would justify my 'attitude' (underlying anger filled with frustration/impatience and fear/depression) by saying I was originally from NY, that's how we are (aggressive)! It was the last hugh outburst that scared me into going to a psychiatrist and placed on meds. I was then able to sort out what it was that was going on and face it head on. Really, I had no other choice. I would have been headed to total distruction if I didn't. (too much to write about details). Now if something bothers me, I can handle it by using 'honey' - can't think of the expression.

off topic - what are the butterflies or birds for along side your pictures ?

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 72

Progressive Muscle Relaxation

Wow - I like this - it's refreshing.
I am burnt out from all the techniques that I and others have rammed down my throat for years and years. And I'm still where I am. I guess I think all that work was supposed to heal me and then I realized that what seems to be left is the ingrained stuff they talk about from inception thru 5 y/o. So this is the only way out. Following this progrm. Learning thru the lessons which I'm finding informative. I know learned all this but forgot.

So, keep it coming. I was part of the new age movement and doing all this stuff when it was taboo. Now it's mainstream.

Since I took a sabatical for a few years, I'm sure there are alot of new techniques that I can learn. Looking forward to it.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 72

Happy I found all of you!!

Thank you Davit and Red, for your support and comments. Glad to hear others are or did go thru same experiences with changes. I admitted to my husband tonight in one of his birthday cards Why I Love Him - and in it

among more than alot of reasons that I wrote, that I love him for the support he is giving me thru all these changes cause it scares me to death. I'm sure alot of it has to do with my mother constantly focusing on the outside only. She had been in Miss Bronx pageant at World's Fair way back in the 30s and she was beautiful. She played with her hair the way I now play with mine. She always, okay 90% of the time, criticized me for my looks. I couldn't walk thru the door without her saying something. I try my best not to listen to her voice in my head. I've had to make a joke out of it by immitating her in an exaggerated way.

Again, thanks. Seems it isn't only the physical changes of middle age, it is the (bad to horrid) memories and emotions that are resurfacing even with all the healing work I've done over the years. When I turned 57, all the symptoms for, oh, you name it I've got it, illnesses, conditions, etc came flooding out again. 'A'

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 72

What went right today!

good timing. I had fun getting a new hairdo. My hairdresser said I came in all hunched over and when I left I stood tall. I actually liked what I saw in the mirror, totally transformed. When my husband saw me he also lit up and said I looked like a model. This is just part of my transformation - I've read that 57 - 60 are the awkward years for a women. It's like adolescence all over. I finally found clothes that expressed who I am and now the hairdo. I actually saw me instead of someone I didn't recognize.

It's interesting how quickly one small bothersome e-mail can turn it all around and create anxiety for me. So seeing your posting was perfect for me to place it in perspective. Thank you. A

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 72

Constant derealization

I had similar experiences on one of my medications and instead of changing the med that was causing it he increased one of my other meds. My instincts told me it was time to go to another psychiatrist

with more experience. Turned out the way the first MD prescribed the med made the peak time of the med

dangerous for me and the symptoms carried thru the day. He changed the way I took the med, and all those surreal feelings and physical symptoms dissappeared

and I became grounded and back into reality.

At first, I thought it was hypoglycemic attack, or a toxic reaction to something in my office. But as soon as I changed the way I had been taking it, I felt like me again.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 72

How to avoid Holiday Stress Part 1.

During my early years in AA (it's now 30 years clean and sober) we would have an open house for those in the program to join us who had nowhere to go. The only requirement was to be sober. Some years we had up to 30 people sit and have a meal with us.

Usually during the holiday season, people become so involved with shopping, not just gifts but preparing for food gatherings, that they forget there is a world out there. Especially now with the way the economy is, there are alot of people without families or places to go.

There's usually a community soup kitchen puting on a dinner for the homeless shelter, so whenever I moved around, I always volunteered so I wouldn't be alone, plus it kept me grateful. There but for the Grace of God, go I. And in this economy anything can happen to anyone these days. (I'm in property mgt so I see it first hand).

I always had a small family, so as it dwindled down, me and my mother would have a nice meal together and watch a movie. My son usually went to his father's house.

Unfortunately, my mom died a few years ago, so I don't need a holiday to miss her and feel the loss of her presence. Sometimes, a daughter only wants to talk or be with her mother, a husband or others just won't do.

Now, because of my husband and my very stressful business, we love spending time alone, reading, relaxing, and having some quality time together. We may go to family for a quick meal or dessert just so we don't have to feel overwhelmed with too much energy swirling about.

Happy Thanksgiving to all !

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