Wow, incredible thread. I have to say, I was a bit shaken when I began to read it but I feel so much better for reading it. Ready to become a new person. Conash, you are right in the words you use about not being content. I'm finally conent. It's taken a long time, but I'm content with who I am becoming, being a happy person, Mom, wife, I've got it all, and I want to kill the junkie in me. Marie [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 1/3/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 0 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 0 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $0 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 0 [B]Mins:[/B] 0 [B]Seconds:[/B] 0

Thank you all

Hi there everyone, and especially Lady, whom i want o thank for opening the LAST COURTAIN to our addiction. I was searching for a thread with discussions about the "other" aspect of the addiction but I would have never imagined that I will find one where a bunch of people have this kind of conversation. I am still a smoker, I've set my date. This is the 6th time I am starting a quiting process. I want to share with you my experience because I think it could be of some help. I do not want to start a new topic because on this one I found exactly the people who can understand and help me so, Lady I beg forgiveness of you for parasiting your topic. I am now 29, I took up smoking when I was 17, that's 12 years ago (funny what impression has made on me to realize the timespan: TWELVE YEARS, almost half of my life). From this 12 years I was smoke free for about 2 and a half. As I said I tryied to quit 5 times but only the fourth with success. The story of this successful attempt and of the relapse is what I want to tell you. You will see then the connection with this topic and hopefully it will help us all understand better the nature and deep cause of our suffering. Maybe I write to much but I want to be accurate. So, the only time that I succeded on giving up smoking was right after I finished law school. I was so very very happy and content about myself... life was begining for me , the real life, with all the oportunities and situations I wanted so much. I felt like I needed a time off and so I went to my parents who were living abroad to spend a month with them. I was received like a king (we are romanians i.e. latins and mothers simply worship their sons, it is the same thing the other way around). They lived back then somewhere near Stuttgart in Germany in a really idyllic place. There was this new neighborhood hidden somewhere between the hills with lots of vegetation and very few people. Right in front of their house there was a park. And all you could see for miles and miles were hills , beautiful hills. Because the cigarettes in Germany were way more expensive than in my home country I had a two boxes with me ans some extra packages. So it was nearly enough nicotine for two weeks. When I got there my mother saw the boxes and told me

...and then I got unemployed. I was out there with nothing left.I was to proud to ask for help from my parents. I had no money I sold everything I had, except my guitar and I was down...so down that if you would have thrown a stone at me you wouldn't have heard it hit me. I was THE LOOSER. I tryied and tryied to get a job but something went wrong every time. So one night I was at a friend's house and we were cooking, remembering the good times, having a glass of red wine, then two, then...so on. All the people who were present were smokers and cigarettes were all over the place. I looked at one and told myself that I had so deeply fallen that it really didn't matter anymore if I slowly kill myself smoking. Nothing in my life was worth living for. My self esteem was way below freezing point. So I smoked one. God it tasted good, all those chemicals walzing in my blood, my brain was finally getting some kick, I was as high as on my first real date. It was the best feeling I ever experienced and sadly it still is. Next thing I smoked 5 in a row. The next day I smoked like 10 and the day after I was back at one package. Three years have passed and I am now a chain smoker, two and a half packages per day. My whole life smells like tobacco. Now I am back on track with my life, I earn good, I live a hell of a life. OK, I work hard, very hard, I do not have a wife and kids but I do well. Unluckally I smoke and none of God's days passes without feeling bad about myself. Now, why don't I quit? Well a non-smoking friend told me once : "Smoking allways fills up the emptyness in you. As long as you are not content with your life you will never be able to quit." He was not refering to everyday troubles, he ment the way you see yourself within your world. And that is the point my friends, that is where the junkie gets his greatest power from. From you. That is why everytime we fall he is there to confort us with the blue, velvety, soothing smoke. This is why it is so hard to quit because the demon is allways there when God has left. I heard people saying that when quiting the first days/weeks are hard. It is not true. It is hard for the rest of your life. The good thing is that God never leaves you but nor does the deamon. The change of lifestyle that com

Conash, Well said. We are all rooting you on. You can do it. Grace [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 8/8/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 102 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 2,040 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $408 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 7 [B]Hrs:[/B] 6 [B]Mins:[/B] 17 [B]Seconds:[/B] 26

Conash, Very eloquently put! Thank you for sharing your insights with us and be sure to keep your words in mind when putting together your quit plan. You will have to address your inner junkie in this quit as your addiction may be masking strong emotions. Always know that we will be here to support you in your journey. Danielle _______________________ The SSC Support Team

Conash... I think I understand. And then....The Junkie Within. I know that no matter how long I am quit, I am only one puff away from being hooked again. I will always be an addict. That is knowledge. I use that knowledge to my advantage and don't take that first puff. From the beginning of this quit, I just don't take that first puff. There have been times that meant I cried, screamed, through a tantrum, reached out to others, went for a walk, went shopping, planned a trip, made a phone call, whatever it takes is what you do. My quit was not easy. I struggled and fought. Perhaps it was my attitude, stress, kids, job, life, whatever.... I believe I am grateful that it was so difficult. Here is why.... Because quitting was the hardest thing I have ever done, I cherish my quit. I worked hard for it and it belongs to me. I made friends that I never would have made and those friends have changed my life. I've learned more about myself in the last year and a half than I have in my entire life. And...I live in a different world than I did as a smoker. I live in a non-smoking world now and the freedom is awesome. Put the cigarettes out. You did it once and you can do it again. If it is harder than before, count it as a blessing. You will appreciate it more. I'm glad this thread helped you. It really helps me through a lot of difficult situations as well. I know the junkie within. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 7/1/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 504 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 10,087 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1764 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 44 [B]Hrs:[/B] 10 [B]Mins:[/B] 42 [B]Seconds:[/B] 11

Bumping for Cheermom! You are not alone my friend. A lot of us have been where you are. I hope this helps you. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 7/1/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 551 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 11,030 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1928.5 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 49 [B]Hrs:[/B] 18 [B]Mins:[/B] 59 [B]Seconds:[/B] 52

Bump for me [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 11/15/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 0 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 0 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $0 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 0 [B]Mins:[/B] 0 [B]Seconds:[/B] 0

I'm starting to treat my junkie like the jerk that he is. Today while waiting for the bus, he compared all of the pricing at the cigarette stores. What I'm happy about is that I am aware of the fact that I have a junkie. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 7/11/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 25 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 1,000 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $185 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 2 [B]Hrs:[/B] 12 [B]Mins:[/B] 4 [B]Seconds:[/B] 48