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The Patchwork Quilt of Addiction

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The Junkie Within


Shevie
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Shevie
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19 years ago 0 2027 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi, Lady. Remember my "Better late than never" thread where I realized how badly this addiction had influenced my relationship with my wife? That was the beginning of what she has called "an awakening" that I've been going through. I recently read a theory an addiction researcher has about the addict's emotional development. The theory is that when a person becomes addicted, emotional development as an unaddicted person is halted. From that time on, emotional development occurs under the direction of the addiction. When the addiction is broken and the person returns to their non-addicted state, they also regress in their emotional development to the pre-addicted level. This means if you started smoking at 15, when you quit you will return, emotionally, to 15. Now, I don't know that I buy into this 100%, but from what I've seen here and personal experience, I do believe there is some validity to the theory. I started smoking at 15 and I don't think I turned back into a teenager emotionally, but I am painfully aware that the addiction did have serious negative impacts on my emotional development. There have be considerable changes over the last 6 months, or so, and I can tell more is needed. Patience, it will come. I applaud your honesty and openness with this post. I think it is good for newbies and those still planning to know this isn't a piece of cake. I believe many begin their quits ill informed, thinking they are stopping a bad habit like biting their nails instead of conquering the strongest drug addiction known. A few will slide through with no problem, but for most this will be a long and painful journey; physically, mentally, and emotionally. You've been such a blessing to this site it really saddens me to see you still struggling so. It's been said you can't write a good love song until your heart's been broken. Perhaps it is this struggle that is the source of your compassion and understanding. Last I heard from N2k, last Wednesday, he had started occupational and physical therapy. He is closer to them, but it is still something like an hour and a half drive, so that plus working is keeping her quite busy. Shevie [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 5/23/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 322 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoke
Shevie
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Shevie
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19 years ago 0 2027 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Good morning, Lady. You've so often advised people to take a "down day". Now it's your turn. Take your own advice, or take Phillip's, or take mine. Pamper yourself, Lady. You've earned it. You deserve it. ((((((((((HUGS)))))))))) Shevie [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 5/23/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 323 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 6,468 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1227.4 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 60 [B]Hrs:[/B] 6 [B]Mins:[/B] 58 [B]Seconds:[/B] 34
joyfulspirit
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joyfulspirit
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19 years ago 0 715 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Oh yeah,,,I forgot to say, hi Lolly :) Haven't seen u much lately :(

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joyfulspirit
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joyfulspirit
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19 years ago 0 715 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hey Lady! Good thing u and I are on seperate weeks of craves, lol. OK OK BREATHHHHHHHHHHH IN & OUT,,,IN,,,HOLD IT,,,LET IT OUT SLOW,,,RELAX YOUR SHOULDERS, CLOSE YOUR EYES (WAIT NOT YET) FINISH READING THIS 1ST, LOL. Ok, so close your eyes for 1 min ok 2 min's, start relaxing from your toes and work your way up. Breath deep girl and call if u have to. I'll look for u on IM :) I'm here with u :) Hey u can always pray on it and ask GOD to help get rid of that junkie. U know...for me the junkie pops her head up from time to time but the REAL IMPROVED NEW ME IS MUCH MUCH STRONGER THAT that stupid little spineless coward of a junkie. The new me can, does & will continue to over-come :) & so will the NEW U :) No matter what don't lite up... Keep on keepin on... Cherie [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/22/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 411 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 8,234 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1644 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 40 [B]Hrs:[/B] 2 [B]Mins:[/B] 28 [B]Seconds:[/B] 50

  • Quit Meter

    $29,328.00

    Amount Saved

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    Days: 648 Hours: 17

    Minutes: 13 Seconds: 7

    Life Gained

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    4888

    Smoke Free Days

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    97,760

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joyfulspirit
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joyfulspirit
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19 years ago 0 715 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hey Rusty, that's exactly how it feels :) I'm glad u said it cuz I think it all the time but never put it into words. And as far as your hubby,,,u can teach him how to give some praise every now & then :) Hugs,,Cherie

  • Quit Meter

    $29,328.00

    Amount Saved

  • Quit Meter

    Days: 648 Hours: 17

    Minutes: 13 Seconds: 7

    Life Gained

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    4888

    Smoke Free Days

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    97,760

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joyfulspirit
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joyfulspirit
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19 years ago 0 715 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Lady, Your thread has really gotten deep! But I like that. I have never brought up the part of recovery about learning to love yourself in here cuz there's so many newbys I didn't wanna scare people off in showing just how much work goes into staying clean/quit. What we're doing in here is supporting each other until we can learn to love ourselves. When I 1st got sober (almost 10yrs ago) the director of the recovery home told me that they would all love me till I learned to love myself. I believe I'm still working on this b/c if I loved myself how could I keep smoking (killing myself). So I'm still working on learning to love myself. When it comes to relationships...what I'm going to say most don't want to hear but it's true. In the begining of recovery no one has anything emotionally to give to another person. We are so raw and fresh into working on our emotions and learning to love ourselves that we just don't have anything to give to someone else. How can we love someone else when we don't even love ourself yet? In AA they reccommend 1 full year of working on yourself before getting involved in a relationship. Most people don't listen to that advice, end up getting involved and the 2 people feed off each others sick needs and eventually relapse. That's just a fact, unfortunate but true. I think the growing is a life-long process. It's good to try to enjoy the moments in life cuz once the moments gone it's too late. If I had known all the work that goes into recovery I might not have got sober. I'm so happy that I got sober and have grown up enough to quit smoking,,,FINALLY! Trust me it's worth the work,,,and if u can find a good counselor it really does help :) If life wasn't better sober & smoke-free then I would simply start drinking & smoking again. So that should tell u something cause I've been on both sides. Keep up the good work all :) Pray even if u don't believe it will help:) No matter what don't lite up... Keep on keepin on... Cherie [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/22/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 412 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 8,241 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1648 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 40 [B]Hrs:[/B] 3 [B]Mins:[/B] 14 [B]Seconds:[/B] 23

  • Quit Meter

    $29,328.00

    Amount Saved

  • Quit Meter

    Days: 648 Hours: 17

    Minutes: 13 Seconds: 7

    Life Gained

  • Quit Meter

    4888

    Smoke Free Days

  • Quit Meter

    97,760

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joyfulspirit
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joyfulspirit
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19 years ago 0 715 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
[color=Red]WOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!![/color][color=Yellow]WOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!![/color][color=Pink]WOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!![/color][color=Green]WOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!![/color][color=Orange]WOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!![/color][color=Purple]WOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!![/color][color=Blue]WOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!![/color][color=Teal]WOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!![/color][color=Navy]WOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!![/color][color=Maroon]WOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!![/color][color=LimeGreen]WOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!![/color] :) :) :) fear is nothing more than a lack of faith :) :) :) [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/22/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 414 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 8,283 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1656 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 40 [B]Hrs:[/B] 8 [B]Mins:[/B] 8 [B]Seconds:[/B] 35

  • Quit Meter

    $29,328.00

    Amount Saved

  • Quit Meter

    Days: 648 Hours: 17

    Minutes: 13 Seconds: 7

    Life Gained

  • Quit Meter

    4888

    Smoke Free Days

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    97,760

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joyfulspirit
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joyfulspirit
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19 years ago 0 715 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Good post healer! I really needed to hear that today :) Happy smoke-free Tuesday all!!! WOOHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! No matter what don't lite up... Keep on keepin on... Cherie

  • Quit Meter

    $29,328.00

    Amount Saved

  • Quit Meter

    Days: 648 Hours: 17

    Minutes: 13 Seconds: 7

    Life Gained

  • Quit Meter

    4888

    Smoke Free Days

  • Quit Meter

    97,760

    Cigarettes Not Smoked

joyfulspirit
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joyfulspirit
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19 years ago 0 715 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi all :) Yep, that's what they say, you're emotionally as old as the day u started b/c you can't grow up emotionally if you're using some substance that keeps you from having to deal with your emotions. I still bite my nails! That's why I have acrylic's LOL. One thing I'm taking the easy way out on, lol. You've come a long way in a short time Ms. Lady! I'm really proud of you and happy to see so much growth,,,wow I'm really impressed! WOOHOOOOOOOOO!!! Keep putting GOD,& yourself 1st so you will be all u can be for your family :) The relationship stuff will come in time. No need to worry your pretty little head over all that mushy stuff, lol. No need to put your quit in jepordy(can't spell) over a guy :) Ok not over a guy but over the emotions that come with dealing with a relationship. You've come so far I'd hate to see u set yourself up to fall. Good things come to those who wait. Nothing good comes easy,,,etc. Thanks so much for all your support :) It means alot that u care! No matter what don't lite up... Keep on keepin on... Cherie [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 2/22/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 413 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 8,264 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1652 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 40 [B]Hrs:[/B] 5 [B]Mins:[/B] 58 [B]Seconds:[/B] 53

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    $29,328.00

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    Days: 648 Hours: 17

    Minutes: 13 Seconds: 7

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    4888

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    97,760

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duffis
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duffis
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19 years ago 0 832 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
God I hate it when my kids are hurting :8o: Lady one of the reasons I started the Centruy Club, 6-12 Club and the VIP was for the very reasons you are going through. We all need a resting place after fighting so hard to reach a milestone. My whole idea was for a place where you could go and be honest. Yes I have been quit over a year and there are a FEW times that I get hit with this void of not smoking. The great thing about it is that I just remind myself that I don't smoke anymore and get on with my life. No it's not easy but it can be done and you have in the past beat this and you will continue to beat it back down when its ugly head arises. Lady you have a lot on your plate right now and many things that have to be dealt with; this smoking thing is very minor compared to the rest. Besides you know dam well nothing is going to take away your quit and I do mean nothing :) Love and hugs from both of us Duffis and Pete

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    $286,518.75

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    Days: 6876 Hours: 12

    Minutes: 46 Seconds: 39

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    45843

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    1,146,075

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