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16 years ago 0 1890 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Twister, I remember that Pink elephant in the house when my mother went through menopause and MDD when I was in my early teens; we all walked on eggshells around her and we never knew when she was level or weeping or angry! My father was the most recalcitrant about her MDD; he just harrumphed when she demanded attention and hid behind the newspaper, my brother left home as soon as he got out of high school. In fact as young siblings we never really understood what was happening with her and she could't explain it (1963). In fact we saw MDD as just another illness problem and were stunned that the tricyclics she was prescribed did not work very well for her; as kids we just wanted her to stop being angry and despairing. I didn't understand MDD myself until I was in my middle twenties and THEN I could talk to her about the problems about MDD and we often went out to a nice hotel looking out over the sea and sit there for a few hours discussing MDD. I finally got to know my mother as a person rather than the Commander of the Household!!
16 years ago 0 46 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
once again its good to know i'm not the only one with an insensitive spouse/sig. other. there is such a misunderstanding about MDD and other mental illnesses. but, ya know what? im sick and tired of being the one who must educate and explain myself to others especially when half the time the efforts i make fall on deaf ears. so, now we are living with a giant pink elephant in the house and nobody wants to admit it's there or talk about it. things have been better between us but, we just aren't talking about the issue right now... i'm saving it for my psych. visits and have been confiding in a close girlfriend- getting much more support and understanding that way. i really hope that someday soon he will begin to understand. daily llama- good advice re: having others check out the site to get a sense of what goes through my/our mind(s). And yes, i am fearful but, more so about him saying "no thanks". So for now, i'm keeping this site to myself. oh, a site for Ostrich Syndrome? excellent idea!! I'll be LMAO about that all day! Twister
16 years ago 0 1890 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi folks, The thought crossed my mind that your husbands and wives must be DD and Blind about you since they haven't even got the curiosity to log on to this site to read what is going on with you. My wife logs on once in a while and she understands what the site does for people - would you be 'fearful' if your spouses could read all through the posts and get a real feel for the pain that you (we) are in, and the successes we feel on a weekly basis or the worry about our meds and the worry about those we love???? Maybe Casey should open a sister-site for people suffering from Ostrich Syndrome....
16 years ago 0 131 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Thanks Gabs, you are so right, "educate women, you educate the world, educate the man, and he looks after himself". I laughed so hard when I read this because it is so true in my life. He has a lot of baggage from his past and he's dealing with it by not dealing with it. His whole family all have the same issues. But I'm not his secretary, I'm not his maid, I'm suppose to be his wife. He doesn't know how to deal with the family issues...he is his father and that scares me to death. And I tell him, I will not be your mother, I will not sit around and cater to him anymore. I'm starting a volunteer position on Monday, I can hardly wait (he wanted to know if I get paid for this), and I also quilt and belong to a book club. I do have interests other than him and I think that bothers him...sorry about your luck...right. Sorry, I am rambling and rambling...I was told not to give up and show him you are an equal. Gabs, you're so right, it's just funny you are saying what I'm thinking. Have a good day today, here, the sun is out, it's cold, but it's good. :)
16 years ago 0 172 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Maggie, I fully understand what you say. My husband also top of his profession while I was a mere housewife and mother. Problem is, they think because people at work hang on their every word, you would behave like that also. The reality is of course you are his equal and not one of his employees. The same goes for his family, they see the successful breadwinner and are proud of his achievements, he on the other hand should be proud of your achievments as behind every successful man there is a successful wife. How could he do his job if you were not at home looking after every aspect of his life other than his job? Do not underestimate what you do. Being a mother is the toughest job in the world and one of the most important. It is with a Mothers guidance that the future is born. Educate woman and you educate the world, educate man and he looks after himself! Make him see your contribution, write him a letter explaining how undervalued you feel. As you say, for maybe you and me both, it may all be too little too late but we mustn't give up just yet. We may give up on our husbands but we must not give up on ourselves. We will be stronger, we will win. Good luck x
16 years ago 0 131 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
He tries to understand, I guess I must give him that, but to fully understand something, I think you must somehow have gone through something similar. Maybe I'm wrong and not giving him enough credit, or maybe I'm tired of not getting the support I feel I need from a spouse. I feel he has a lot to do with my depression, him expecting a lot from me, I'm a stay at home mom and he's a big professional, he's great with his employees, he does very well, his family puts him on a pedestal and he can't do anything wrong. (I tell them to come and live at my house). I'm finding that I'm tired and I have had enough of this, it's my turn...it's kind of too little, too late sort of thing. So this is what I mean where he doesn't fully understand how I feel because he could never fatham that happening to him or to anyone. Hopefully, he doesnt, because it sucks. But not for much longer, we will deal with this and carry one stronger, I know it.
16 years ago 0 86 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Well, people don't think about mind-related ailments the same as cancer, high blood pressure, diabetes, etc. She thinks I'm a freak because I've had so much trouble with depression. Maybe she thinks I'm depressed because I'm with her.
16 years ago 0 172 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Maggie, You say you cant expect your husband to know how you feel. My husband is the same, it wasnt until my son spoke to him that he even bothered to read a little about this illness. Your Husband should find out how you feel. There is enough information on this web site. Print him the page that is symptoms of depression. if you had cancer or another illness he wouldnt be so ready to brush your feelings to one side. Expect and demand more from him. He is your other half and you need his support through this. Good luck x
16 years ago 0 131 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
You know, my husband has difficulty understanding what I'm going through, but what I have learned is that I can't expect him to fully understand how I feel, how I can't just forget about these feelings. To me, these feelings are real, him, they are just words...he can't join the two. He is empathetic at times, but that's what my friends are for. Sometimes, they know more than he does, and you know, that's ok. I to speak to a therapist and am also taking a small dosage of antidepressants, actually, I'm not sure how he really feels about it, but you know, I don't care, this time is for me and I need to get me better before I can deal with the rest of my family. I'm sounding pretty brave now, doesn't always happen, but when I do, watch out!!! lololo. We can do this...just keep telling yourself that. I certainly do.
16 years ago 0 12049 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Twister, We are always here! Sometimes it may take a while for a response due to the time changes for each member :) Josie, Support Specialist

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