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14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

D: have not seen my brother depressed or rarely down. His is more an upbeat mood and why isn't everybody else? He talks about how lucky he is to be doing exactly what he wants, etc. I don't think he has much empathy, he just moves on. Unfortunatley if you did that to him, he'd wonder why you don't care. Thanks for listening.

Hope you're not too bad after gardening. Not good day for me, taking it easy again.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 112

You have a good heart, Davit , to stand by your brother through this...but you are right your sanity comes first and we will be here to support you as you have to done for us so many times.

I wish there were something else I could do to help you...I know how difficult it can be. Keeping you in my prayers.

Your friend

Shadowkins

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Sunny

Your brother could be the way he is just because that is how he is. The only way to really diagnose Bipolar is to see them when they go into the depresses phase. They go into neutral and become very sad, because nothing works. Other wise bipolars look very normal just more successful and intelligent.

It doesn't matter anyway does it. There is nothing you can do about or for it. You have your own life to live. Friends you can pick, family you are stuck with. I for one certainly like my friends more than my family.

I'm going to be sore tomorrow but it will be worth it. Today was a good day just too short.

Davit.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Davit: you're a good brother and decent human being. God bless you. Glad you are having good weather and getting some gardening done.

Shadowkins and Davit: thanks for listening and answering my venting. It's true I don't talk about this to anyone now. The friend I confided in has passed away, last Oct. My brother left about an hour ago and is off for another week or so before I see him again. We got the accounting done, no problems. He wanted me right there with him, but I kept my plan and didn't have to go over every single minute detail. I keep good records with everything filed properly and is easy to go over, so I set everything up for him before he came over, with a calculator and everything handy.

I think it is true that my brother lacks some confidence and I think is lonely even though he is very accomplished in life and has achieved most of his goals and has received many awards in his career. But he does bully too and often uses the phrase "because I am the eldest and only son" which really doesn't count anymore as we are adults now on the same level and my opinion should count too.

Davit, That is how manic people act? talking all the time even if you are in another room? I didn't know that. He certainly fits that picture. I thought it was because he lived alone - has been divorced for over 20 yrs. - so liked to talk a lot. I find that wearying - try and relax through it and "let it go", but in the last couple of years I can't and feel relief when he leaves. It is like a whirlwind coming into the house and everything is all about him. You can hardly get a word in edgewise. Even when I was very well it was tiring, now more so.

You asked if I have arthritis. I do a bit I think, it's funny, just before the BP went whacky I did have a sore hip, the pain shooting down the top of the thigh. It only lasted a day, I don't need to take anything, not even Tylenol. Sometimes I have a sore shoulder, but again only lasts a day or so. I have a dr's. appt. coming up end of the month and will mention this. thanks for the tip.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11214

You are being a bigger person for being there for him. Good for you.

Enjoy the sunshine!

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

I just got an Email from my unwanted brother that his best friend is dying of Cancer. What is this to me? All of a sudden this man who annoyed him is now his best friend. Just because he is dying?

I will stand by him through this because I have been through more deaths of friends than he has but when it is over we go back to where we were. If he uses this as an attempt to make peace he is out of luck. My sanity comes first. As does my concern for my real friends.

As friends you all mean a lot to me so bare with me if I get a little off with this. The Me you all know will be back stronger for the test. So here I go, off to join the circus.

By the way we are having another fantastic day with the sun shining and birds singing. Nothing is going to ruin this for me. I hope you are having a fine weekend too.

Davit in the sunshine, weeding.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

sunny.

Your Brother and mine have some similar characteristics. You know how we go some where else in our mind as a survival technique. Looking at the floor, looking out a window visualizing something different. Your brother could be doing that when he changes the subject or cuts you off at the point that would cause the most anxiety. It could be his coping mechanism. If it is it is an inappropriate one. It also cures nothing and actually leaves the two of you stressed. Him less because he has bounced it back at you. By the way, continuing to pursue a subject even though no one else wants to even when it is obviously causing stress is a bipolar trait. I have had to literally walk away from my bipolar friends and hide in a bathroom to get rid of them. John would follow me for days trying to make conversation till I got mad and yelled at him. Except for a few annoying traits bipolar people are intelligent and look perfectly normal. There is no cure other than anti psychotics. All you can do as a friend or relative is accept it and ignore it.

Do you have arthritis? Just curious because this up and down of the BP and the fatigue sound like the first stages of RA. Depression and anxiety to the point of causing fatigue are also common. I have an open prescription with my doctor for my meds. Because of the barometric swings in the spring I have days I have to increase the BP meds and pain killers and monitor my condition. Such a juggling act but this is the only way I can survive. I also have valium for when anxiety won't let my BP come down.

Take care and get well, I will be thinking of you.

Davit.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 112

Hi Sunny,

So sorry that you couldn't get the rest you needed and have to face this very tired. Your brother sound like someone who has to always have a bigger story, a better plan etc. , gives me the impression he has very low self esteem and my be a type of bully. Like a peacock who has to puff his feathers to bluff his opponent.

You can't win in this type of situation and it's not worth it....just accept it and let it go for your sake. I don't mean to belittle your brother but it may be that he feels important doing this. Old habits die hard, I'm afraid...and as I said it could be a health issue or medication issue.

In any event you take care of you , my dear friend and vent here....it will release alot of unwanted pressure.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Hi Shadowkins and Davit: Well, yesterday was good until lunch time when my BP when crazy again (hadn't for over two wks. so was totally taken by surprise.) Stayed in bed reading but totally worn out. Didn't sleep last night very well, bits and pieces of time, so very tired today and will take it easy again. I remember last wk. I had another friend visit to see how I was doing and that visit had worn me right out, it was the day after I had done the shopping, then the next day my brother came and that was tiring too. My brother is 70 yrs. old now.

Thanks for your advice/insights both of you. I pretty well have decided to let it go - it's just that it has happened in the past and I get fed up doing it. There are no other siblings here, we have one sister but she doesn't live in N. America. He does seem to be manic but the mere suggestion to him that he might have something wrong would not go well...I wouldn't go there at all. He's the type of person if you ask for the time, he'll explain how the watch works. I find him tiring any time, never mind when you are feeling unwell, but I am the only relative he has left and we do things together for our mother. Speaking of which, he is coming today to go over the accounts which I keep. I'm going to excuse myself and say that it's all there and if he needs a cheque signed, etc. I can just do that when he's finished looking at everything. Anyway, that's my plan.

At least we don't argue to the point of disliking each other, we keep it fairly "nice". I will take your advice Davit, and don't do anything until he gets here and we can do it together so there will be no misunderstandings.

Something else: what do you do with someone who one-ups all the time? You can tell them that you aren't feeling well and try and give the reasons (because they have asked) and they don't listen, they cut in and talk all about their own medical history. so what's the point? I remember once when my son almost drowned at a friend's cottage and my brother had asked about it, my son was giving him the details and just at the point where the scary part took place, my brother totally changed the subject. My son just looked at him and shrugged his shoulders. what do you do with someone like that?

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 112

Hi Sunny,

How old is your brother? Could he be suffering from alzheimers or another health condition?

Not saying that is the problem but alzheimers can start at any time or other health conditions can affect memory as well. When my father started he would do the same thing....he couldn't remember what he had said so then turned it around that we had misunderstood. Sometimes he would take bits and pieces of a conversation and make a story that he truly believed was true. If you are really concerned maybe speak with other family members to see if they have noticed a change or is this just his normal behavior.

It must be very frustrating for you but don't doubt yourself and if it was me I would just let it go...it will save your sanity and avoid a pointless argument. Some fights just aren't worth fighting.

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Disputes IV