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Trying to Accept


12 years ago 0 542 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Thank you Carmie,

Easter has always been my favorite holiday and yes its a time for renewal and miracles I have always thought that.

Did you ever feel so very weak and dizzy and so so tired from this panic and depression Carmie? Like you could not even get out of bed? I feel so weak like the life is draining from me, does that make sense? I guess crying can exhaust you, I do so want too have a good Easter and I am trying to use all my skills hope prayer and strength to "get back up" I so hate being like this, its not good for my family or my health, and I so want to live and be somewhat happy again, my easter prayer I imagine. I did peek at the depression site and its very good. You are a great friend.
12 years ago 0 373 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
It makes perfect sense that you would feel this way.   I still hope you will to find something in your day to make your smile.  The sister-site to this one deals with depression.  I hope that you'll visit it if you have time and you happen to be on the computer.  I've peeked at it before and it looks really helpful (and rather fancy!)
I'll continue to pray for you to get well.  Remember that it is Easter on Sunday - a time for birth and renewal and miracles!
Best,
Carmie
 
12 years ago 0 542 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Carmie,

thank you for writing me. I have been in bed a lot the last few days, I feel so exhausted and depressed. I thought going to the ENT would help and I guess it did but hearing the words "surgery" has really made me crash and burn, I hate to say this but any hope I had about recovery have gone out the window, I mean if I could not recover from this severe panic and depression before when nothing physical was wrong how the heck am I going to now that I have to have surgery, I feel I am not healthy enough to have it, and I know my Mom dying during surgery is terrifying me and having no help afterwards also, I feel like I am falling into a black deep hole of depression and it was so hard to get out before, sleeping  all the time is not helping things.

I just pray too God he gives me the strength too get thru this, fifteen months is a long time too suffer and a person gets very very tired of suffering. I will try through Carmie, you have been wonderful too me and never gave up on me, thank you.
12 years ago 0 373 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Good morning, Debora,
 
It can't be easy for you right now but I hope that you will use this week to reflect and to focus on the vision for yourself.  Do you have any hairdresser friends who might come over to visit?  I know that awhile back you felt really great after you dyed your hair.  I think you should do something nice for yourself.  You deserve some self-nurturing and pampering after perservering through a really rough period!
 
12 years ago 0 542 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
I wanted to thank everyone here for there support and wonderful advice during a terrifying time for me. I know there are others on this site that need help and prayer also. I have not decided whether to have the surgery or not, eventually I probably will have too, Sunny you helped when you said two other people you know did it and came out alright that was encouraging.

I would probably NOT have it if it just were my hoarseness and very weak voice, but the "wheezing" from my vocal cords are scaring me, I have never had that before, I have had trouble with my voice for years off and on but never this bad or with this wheezing. I may get a second opinion, but if the polyp is large enough to cause wheezing it probably should come off, I just wish I was not so terrified of the surgery which my Mother died of, also the complications and after the surgery I will be alone a lot and scared, I wont even be able to talk or call the paramedics if my throat starts to bleed I will have no voice, and there is a chance the surgery will NOT work or make my voice worse, but the actual procedure is what is scaring me the most. The ENT said he "did not think it was cancer:" a little reassuring but hardly a clean bill of health, there is something very wrong when a person loses their ability to speak and wheezes thru their vocal cords, I just do not know what too do??

Do I live like this hoping the polyp will go away and pray it does{that happens sometimes} but they say surgery is usually the normal way, I doubt they would even clear me for surgery right now, I might have to lose some weight and my BP is very high, I just want to put it out of my mind for Easter, if I can do that, I just want to forget about it and pretend its not there which I know never works. Thank you all for your help, I am very very depressed and your words help me thru the day.

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