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12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Debora

For me, I knew I was getting better when I stopped looking for it. I was just enjoying life and not looking to see if I was going to panic. Set backs lasted only minutes and were only when I slipped and looked for it. With a positive attitude it was easy to say there is nothing there and there was nothing there.

Davit.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

Hello Everyone,

I read and re-read all you're posts, such a wealth of knowledge and information, I go back and read all the posts and that helps.

That is so wonderful Carmie that the fear is decreasing for you about bodily symptoms, I loved to read that for you, that is what I am trying to do now. Like today I woke up {for the third day in a row} with a terrible headache, I am trying not too dwell on it almost I want to "ignore" it because it concerns and scares me, also I am still having my monthly {day five} so that never helps, I do not walk when I have my monthly, I am afraid too, so I think when my walking resumes I will feel better, that walk every evening helps me physically and emotionally, I am hoping to walk a little tonight before the rain hits us too hard tonight.

I understand what you mean about the "must" and "should" Sunny, and Ashley is so right what an excellent point, the dogs will like playing snowball, my dogs would love that to, too bad they all cannot get together and run around that would be fun.

Davit what you said about the thought patterns really hit home. My thoughts are what, I believe, are stopping me from recovering. For awhile I was doing better, I have noticed the last week the thoughts are "creeping" up again, I almost had a full-blown the other day and that shook me, when you do not have an attack for awhile the mind kinda "forgets" how bad it can be then you are reminded, but again I am trying NOT to let it set me back, trying to think "just a bad day, will get better",

I know in my heart and brain what needs too be done, I have to stop dwelling on the bodily symptoms and taking too my bed just so they will stop and I have to cease thinking about illness disease and dying, if I could accomplish these two things the overall quality of my life would so much improve, its better, but I know I am not where I could be right now, I hate taking the klonopin but it does help and I could not go cold-turkey anyway, one day hopefully I can wean off them for good.

I have a question. How did you all know when you were "recovered" or at least better?? Did it go back and forth or just keep going uphill? and how did you not let setbacks and symptoms scare you and set you back? Did it take a long time?

Carmie what you said about being with the family and making memories was so profound, that is what I want, what a beautiful thing! You have all been like family too me and I thank you, I am so grateful for this site and all of you.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Forgot to add, once a person develops a positive attitude then you can say I have to and your mind will make a positive choice because that is what it has got use to. In that case it is treating "have to" as "will do". Not so right now. A few weeks of "I will do's" is all it takes to change this thought pattern. Even if you don't do what you say you will. Repetition and consistency are both important in this.

Davit.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Debora.

The mind is very much like a computer. If you give it a direct command it will do it as best as it can unless you over ride it. (saying I will do something and not) But if you give it a command with more than one choice there is a chance it will pick the wrong one. (especially if it is used to using a choice you don't want) (have to's and want to's have more than one choice) Sunny is right by putting pressure on yourself you leave yourself open to making the wrong choice because the pressure to do something sends you looking at both choices. Where as if you decide definitely to do something and don't because you run out of time or you get too tired it is still a positive. You accept the decision as yours and not your condition and add it to the list of things you are going to do. (going to do, not have to do, you don't really have to do anything if you can't or really don't want to.) Saying I will and not just adds it to the list, saying I have to and not adds to the guilt and makes you feel worse. It is okay to say "I will" and not. At least the intention is a definite positive.

Remember you are not trying to cure this, you are trying to change thought patterns and the change will do the curing. That is CBT.

Davit.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11226

Completely agree Sunny.

Good point!

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Hi D: I feel that we put too much pressure on ourselves by saying must - rather, let's just say we will become more aware of our thought patterns. We don't need anymore stress. Shoulds and musts can be left behind. :-)

It's snowing again, quite a lot of accumulation so will probably need to plow the driveway. I think it will be fun to run around with the dog and throw some snowballs for her to catch. That's my positive to get me going today.

Sunny

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 373

Good morning:

Debora, I wanted to say that one thing that really made me smile in your earlier post was your comment "I am alive!". Such a great positive start. You are very much alive and getting better all the time. Because we have good days and bad days, it's sometimes hard to see the general trend of getting well again.

I think I might have shared before that I worry about my health too. The difference is that now, I limit the worrying whenever I can. Something will pop into my head like "Oh, gosh, I have a bump on my neck - that seems unusual - maybe I should call my doctor - I wonder if it might be cancer". The length of time that I choose to entertain these thoughts is lessening. My next general physical with my doctor is in May. I think - is this something that can wait until May - and I try to say yes and move on. I would rather be present at home with my family and interested in having fun and making memories with them. Is it easy to do - no - but it is getting easier with practice. I saw that the 10 challenge questions post has resurfaced (I haven't read it yet). I wanted to share that my homework answering those questions is probably the best homework ever. It's what helps me to move on when I have worrying, negative thoughts.

Have a good day today. And you know, a little bit of pie in moderation is good for your soul, I think!

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

Yes Davit I did notice a difference you are correct I have to become more positive, I must say "I will" instead of "I hope" I guess I was just a little woe be gone from yesterday and the attack that made me a little negative. I will work on becoming more positive and not just hoping, I am starting to understand what you mean. You made me hungry about the pie! Especially the rasberry, sounds so good, did you heat it up and put vanilla ice cream on it? I have too stop I am getting real hungry for pie now!

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Debora

Did you notice the difference between our positives and yours. We are going to have a positive day not just hoping to have a positive day as you are. Will you change this one little thing so your posts are even more positive because positive really does breed positive. Half way is still only half way and lets you go back to negative too easy. I could have said this morning that I hope I can get on the tractor to clean the snow (half a positive) but instead when I need to get on it I will even if sunny has to help me get on it. (positive) In the mean time we have pie, cherry for me and raspberry for sunny and the snow is still beautiful.

Davit

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

Hello Everyone,

I am going to try too make this a more positive day. Yesterday is gone but I am still having effects from it. I woke up with a killer headache, probably from crying yesterday and its hurting bad, trying not too think "stroke" hoping it will go away.

My positive is that its a lovely day here and my monthly is almost over and I am alive! Also looking at my dogs helps too.

Hoping I will feel better today and the headache and panic of yesterday will soon be a long gone memory! thank you.

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