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Very Panicky Today

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

Hi Carmie,

How are you? I hope you're day is going well. Yes it was very foolish of me to google symptoms, I had stopped that for quite awhile and I think I did it too prove too myself I do NOT have ovarian cancer or colon or anything like that, and it really backfired because most of the symptoms I DO have. I will never ever do that again. I learned my lesson this time for sure.

I am trying to stay positive today and up but its hard. My neighbor stopped over before and said she was horrified the way I have "deteriated" in the last week or so, she said if I dont shape up I will fine myself in the psych ward, which of course scared me and she also said that ovarian cancer is very hard to detect, even a routine pelvic or sonagram might not pick it up, or a 125 blood test, she knew a few women who had it and did not make it, that did NOT help me, I mean even if I go to the GYN will he or she be able to detect it?? I do know its a hard one to find until its kind of late in the game, I wish she had not stopped over, my therapist said to interact with people but that was one conversation I could do without, now I am scared to go to the Doctor, she had me convinced he will commit me or something, I do NOT want to hurt others of course or myself so I dont know why she said that, people try to help and they say all the wrong scary things they do not understand. I am going to try to get busy and forget about the visit, the only one's I really want to hear from is my Aunt or the people on this site, I always have said "if its not helpful and its hurtful or frightning dont say it" I am trying not to be upset with her but its hard, she said I am "doing everything wrong" I guess she means wrong meds and wrong therapist, she said I should be better by now, and I am trying to remember what Davit said they just dont understand if they dont have it.

I am going to try and salvage the rest of the day, the pain in my stomach comes and goes, probably a lot of its nerves, this is my shaky time so I am going to try and get busy so I dont breakdown in a panic or crying, my family does not deserve that.

I will give up the cheese and cut back on the mild carmie too see if that helps, it is soothing to my tummy but maybe too much, I am going to try and find a new primary, I just have to muster up the courage to go too the appt, that is my goal.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 373

Good morning, Debora,

One thing that I did learn was that I can't go on the web anymore to research my symptoms. It is an incredibly scary thing to do. The best thing about seeing your doctor is being able to rule out so many things that worry us. That is what I hold onto whenever my heart starts racing, I say "I know my heart is healthy; this is the panic".

I know that you have to eat what is appetizing to you and you like cheese and milk but it is entirely possible that they could be causing the stomach pains. Can you see a nutritionist with your insurance? Ours covers one visit to a nutritionist annually. I have to remember to call one! There are diet changes you can make to help with anxiety that I would like to make. In your case, it could be that you are becoming more intolerant to lactose. I think we are all a little lactose-intolerant. When I was on my antibiotic, it was suggested that I lay off the dairy for a bit - and it really helped.

I agree with Vincenza that it would be wise to follow Davit's advice from the 27th and try focusing on making one change for awhile and enjoy the changes in you. Do make an appointment with a primary care physician so you can start ruling things out. Do try to do things you love and to focus on the present rather than the future or the past. The present is the time we really live in - and there is less anxiety there, I've found.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

Hi Carmie and Vincenzia,

Thank you for you're wonderful posts to me. I really fell apart badly today, I am sorry, I am ashamed of myself I lost complete self-control and I feel horribly. I took a set back and turned it into a raging relaspe. I guess the days and days of bodily symptoms constantly finally cause a meltdown, the headaches and the stomach pain caused me too regress, I finally got too the point where I was ready to go to the doctor and they cannot see me for a week and a half, I was so upset, I am trying to calm down. I went too sleep and that helped a little, my Aunt told me I need help I just have had such bad luck finding it, other than here on the site. My medication is not working well and I would rather get better without it, I foolishly googled in symptoms earlier today and that was a big mistake that got me more upset. Tommorow has to be better, things have to look up now, I have to stop focusing on the symptoms and ignore them, its so hard but I know I have to try harder.

Both you're posts Vincenzia and Carmie contained a wealth of good information and advice, I am going to try to print them out and read them when the fear and terror get so bad. I will look for Davits earlier post Vincenzia, I may see another doctor this one has too long of a wait and I get so scared about going, I am so scared what they will find, I have to get the courage up, my friend gave me the name of a compassionate woman doctor close by I will call the office and see if they can see me.

Carmie the ten questions do help, and you have helped me so much, you are always there for me and I am so grateful to you Carmie. I might have to go back and do some of the program over again, with this setback I think I may. I wish the pain down low would go away, thats what is scaring me Carmie, my monthly is over I should not be having pain down there and then I get scared thinking its cancer, I know I have to push the awful thoughts out of my head, sleep helps it helps a lot, but I do not want to spend my life sleeping to escape the pain. Thank you for being there. I am going to take a hot bath and have some cheese and milk and try to sleep, I have to get my son up early, I should not have napped so long but my body was exhausted. I hope and pray that things will start looking up, I do not want to lose my family. For my son especially I must recover.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 373

Hi Debora,

You've definitely had a really trying weekend. I know that when I've had bad times, the way I get through them is to find a way to rest. You sound so worked up. Did you take the appointment with your primary care physician in 9 days?

What seems to work best for you to relax? Can you make a list of things that make you smile? At the risk of sounding like Julie Andrews, it might be a good time to reflect on your favorite things. That sometimes works for me. Sometimes it's good to keep things simple but sometimes you have to keep trying different things to see what works. I can remember one panic attack in October where none of the CBT I tried worked. I just had to lay back and to listen to my body - to listen without judging because during these periods of huge stress like you are having, you have all sorts of symptoms that are scary, I know. But it's so important to rest and to find peace.

Sometimes all of this gets to be too difficult and too much, I know. It sounds so much like you need to find a way to rest. You are going to be okay. Everyone has really frightening and terrible times. Even the sweetest husbands can get scared and angry and frustrated and say things that are not true. You have been getting better and even though you had a real setback this weekend, I just know that you can get back on track again.

If you have the energy, Ashley posted a list of the 10 questions we can use against negative thoughts. I filled out so many of those, Debora, you can't imagine. Now they have become second nature to me. Would you try filling one of those out if you aren't able to rest? Maybe you can share the answers with us and we can help?

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1853

Hi Deb,

I'm sorry you are going through a very frightening period that seems to have come on very suddenly.

I'm wondering, when did you last see your primary health care practitioner? What did they say or suggest to you? I'm only asking, wondering what kind of perspective they gave you.

Davit posted a very powerful insight (dated the 27th) that worked for him and although everyone has a different experience with anxiety/panic, I wonder if adopting a similar outlook could help you as well.

He mentioned starting to enjoy life and not looking to see if he was going to panic.

The mind is very powerful and you have to focus mind over body! The mind body connection is so strong. Keep the positive thoughts and block the negative ones that may seep into your mind - like a panic attack must be looming. As I'm sure you're aware, these negative thoughts will negatively affect our physical well-being.

Hopefully you can keep your appt scheduled in about a week to alleviate the worries surrounding your physical symptoms.

Thinking of you,

Vincenza, Health Educator

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

Oh Carmie it has not been a good day. I just had a horrible panic attack for an hour and I am still crying and shaking, I actually asked my husband too admit me to the hospital, which is so unlike me because hosptitals and doctors terrify me, I called my primary and they cannot see me for nine days! I am so scared and confused, why is this monster coming back so strong again?

For three days I have had pain in my lower stomach, and I am trying to not dwell on it and ignore it, Davit said not too think about it and I am trying my best not too. I had two scary episodes last night, I was reading late and all of a sudden I started to cough and cough and could not stop, I was coughing up phelm, I got some water and went too bed, an hour or so later I woke up from a sound sleep and I could not breathe! I was coughing and wheezing and choking, I thought I was dying, I got up and drank some milk and water and collapsed into bed again. Because of the stomach pain and the wheezing choking episodes my panic and fear and crying came back with a vengence today, I feel something is terribly wrong, like stomach cancer from the pain in my stomach or my lungs are failing from the wheezing and coughing, the horrible bodily symptoms caused me too go into a day long panic, I am so exhausted, I feel like I cannot get any help here, I could go to ER but I will sit by myself for hours and they probably will not help, just send me home saying "follow up with youre primary" I will leave feeling worse than when I came in and also I am terrified to go, I cannot leave the house right now in this conditon anyway.

I am sorry Carmie I must sound deranged or something, my body is giving out I feel, I am so scared, I do not know what I did too bring this back? for about two months I was doing better, not perfect but better and now I feel the fear just "went on vacation" and has returned, my husband is very very mad, he stormed out and said "you are NEVER going to get better" I pray God he is wrong, yesterday he was comforting but today he is mad, he is fed up I think and I do not blame him, I do not want to die but I dont want to live like this! I see a therapist, a nurse, and take my medication, I dont know what else to do! I feel my stomach and lungs are like something is wrong, and the fear makes it worse. I am sorry I am rambling like a crazy women, I have to calm down, I dont want my son too see me like this. I was so happy it left and now I cant control it.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 373

Debora,

All is well with me. I get anxious from time to time, thinking about our upcoming vacation. I happened to see a news story about an accident on I-75 in Florida and that was an invitation for a few negative thoughts to enter my mind. I am going to work on filling my back pack up with happier thoughts of having fun with my family.

How has your day been?

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

Hi Carmie,

I got through the day without an attack, thank you God, it was not easy but I managed to fend it off, sometimes that is as exhausting as having it, waiting for the day when I do not have to fight them off and the day just goes by peacefully!

I took a short walk with the dog and I ran to the drugstore for stamps so I did get out a little. I am hoping and positively thinking the days will improve now for me, for all of us, I am a little depressed but trying too count my blessings, a good night sleep will help I think. I hope all is well with you, thank you Carmie.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 373

Hang in there, Debora. It's nice to read about your husbands sweet side. It's difficult and scary to see someone you love suffer. I hope that you are able to find a way to listen to the podcasts but if it doesn't work out, it sounds like you have some other good listening materials. I think you can listen right from the computer.

Sometimes it's helpful to simply breathe and listen to what your body is telling you without making judgments about what anything might mean. Sometimes it's helpful for me to breathe and reflect on all the thinks that I am thankful for - starting with the very breath that I am taking. Good diaphragmatic breaths are best. Take a few for me!

Take care -

Carmie

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

Hi Carmie and Everyone,

I am looking online for those PMR exercises Carmie I can perhaps download them, my son hates when I borrow his IPod.

I am having a anxious episode right now and trying very hard to change my thoughts and distract myself. I woke up with a very bad headache and those stomach pains again, I have to keep saying "its only anxiety" if only my brain would believe it.

My husband actually was very nice today, I started to cry and he took me in his arms and comforted me, that helped a little, I think he is scared Carmie, he saw me doing better for over two months and now he sees me "going down" and he looks scared and helpless which is very unlike him, I am trying so hard to "act as if" for my family, the bodily symptoms make it bad, you are right I had a very bad last week, bad period and two full-blown attacks, my energy must be very low now.

I broke out my old Lucinda Bassett Tapes, I ordered the program years ago, they are a little out-dated but its a lot along the lines of what this program does, it helps me to actually "hear" voices of people like me, worse than me that have recovered, they are flying around in airplanes and going on vacations, I dont even want that, I just want to function and go five miles from home! My husband thinks the tapes help me a little because I hear voices of people just like me, and reading these posts on this site do the same thing, right now I know I need hope, faith, optimism and positive thinking, change my thoughts.

The sharp pain in my lower tummy is scaring me right now, my monthly is just about over so I know its not that, I have learned just how much anxiety can do to the body it can effect everything, I actually had heartburn last night, you know that "burning hot acid reflex" that comes up you're throat" I have not had that in years! So I now now its effecting my digestive system, I drank some milk and it went away, the last thing I need right now is another symptom. It was short lived however.

I just want to get through this day without having an attack, I feel very very close right now but I have managed to fend off, I do NOT want to ruin my familys weekend, and I see my husband getting concerned its like "Oh God please dont let her fall back into the hole" I am trying to stay strong for him and my son, I wish the pain would go away its scary, I am trying not too dwell on it and ignore it, but that is easier said than done. My pill is due and once I eat that helps, but I am sleeping way too much and I know why, to escape the symptoms, sleep is good I know but I am using it for an escape, and that is not good.

I am going to try to work through this setback and I will keep repeating you're words Carmie "its not permanent" I hope you are having a wonderful weekend with youre family and you had a good run! I am looking forward to hearing from you.

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