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remembering the past

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11213

Davit,

Every day I am inspired and moved by your posts. I thought you should know that. You are a gift to this group.

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Mickeylover

It is hard to lose some one. But she is not gone, she is still in your memory and you can talk to her. You can think of the things she would have said to you and the advice that only the elderly can give. It is okay to keep her close to you. The pain will pass in time. When my father died I was relieved because he was not doing well any more, I like to think he went to a better place and is keeping an eye on me. He shows up in my memory and my dreams often and after 30 years I still miss him. I do not know why he was called away at only 65 but I like to think he was needed some where else. I like to think there was a good reason for it.

Come visit us often we may only be able to listen but we are here for you.

Davit.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11213

Hi Mikeylover,

I am sorry for your loss. The loss is still relatively fresh and it is completely normal and even healthy to feel sad. Going through a period of grieving is important to your overall well being. Take a look at the auxiliary session 16 (Grief and Loss) for some helpful information.

Know that we are here for you and you are not in this alone.

What have you been doing to cope with these feelings? Have you talked to anyone about this? Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 26

I am overwhelmed with all the stress I feel I have been getting worst sense my Grandmother Estell passed away it's going to be 3 months tomorrow and my anxiety level has been going up to I fell helpless I don't want to feel like this because it just makes me depressed to think that she is not there to help me when I need her. She was comfort to me and now I don't have her...ugh this is so hard what can I do please help me!!!

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Davit: When I left the computer last night after reading your post it came to me very quickly that I missed him. A real pang. I suppose thinking of our parents' lives is a kind of review of our own lives. What good/bad have we done in our lives. I guess we can be introspective every now and then and that helps us amend our ways - lol.

That's enough of that for today, I have lots of phone calls to make. The volunteer organizing work has started again after the summer. One year to go - I am keeping my promise to myself and resigning after this last year, though I may volunteer once in awhile. Feel good about it.

Have a great day everyone,

Your friend, Sunny

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

sunny

I think I wish I had spent more time with my dad. He shows up in my dreams and it isn't till I wake up that I realize he has been dead for thirty years. When I think of my parents and how they acted I have to remind myself that they are a product of there lives and all the people that influenced them. Any thing I want to blame them for does not rightly belong to them. There were things influencing them. It doesn't make it right it only makes it understandable. And forgivable. This is the important thing, there is always a reason to forgive.

I understand the wanting to know where you fit in. I do the same.

Here for you'

your friend

Davit

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Davit: I think that's what I'm doing. Trying to understand what my parents went through and why they were the way they were. I wish he was still here, we could talk about all this stuff, although he did tell me a lot about his life and he is the one who walked with me and showed me nature's ways and passed along his love of dogs to me. And love of woodworking, recognizing the different woods, working with your hands, making something. He wouldn't teach me though because I was a girl and girls didn't work with tools. Didn't take me fishing either, that was for the boys, though I fished with my brothers all the time.
This reviewing of their lives has nothing to do with whether they acted rightly or wrongly - more along the lines of their "story" and where I fit in. Make sense? Also these last two or three wks. have been dreaming of loved ones who have passed away, except my two brothers, I don't dream of them, never have that I can remember.

Your friend, Sunny

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 286

Sunny - Thanks for sharing this. It's interesting how different memories come up over the course of this type of personal work. Sometimes I think of one and something clicks about why I am the way I am, other times I wonder how much important to give certain memories.

One that just happened for me recently was when I was 7 and my best friend of 3 years moved away. I came home from saying goodbye to her and I was crying, and my dad told me stop crying. Remembering this vividly brought me to tears! Not due to the loss of my friend, but because I felt like that was the moment I started feeling like I had to hide my emotions, and that it wasn't okay to let emotions out. I'm just learning how to let things like sadness and anger out rather than bottling them up.

Love Trees - I've also had moments where I feel overwhelmed by an avalanche of thoughts, or even just tired of working on my anxiety issues so much every day. Like you said, distractions like hobbies are important in these times, to give yourself a break. I take time to journal (not as much as I should) and just let all my negative thoughts flow at these times, to get them all out of me and onto paper. Some patterns will emerge that can be helpful to identify negative core beliefs. Other times I just say "don't deal with this now" and leave it until a time when I can journal or meditate or otherwise focus on it.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

loves trees

I had to think on that because it very seldom happens any more. I do remember being down stairs in my shop in bare feet and jogging pants turning some thing on my lathe as a distraction. Often as not it would go in the wood stove in the morning. Usually took between fifteen minutes and an hour to get the dragons to settle. See the lathe is a tool that takes constant concentration but not a lot of thought. I mean you don't want to get caught in it but it doesn't matter what you make just to be doing something. My other tools aren't the same.

I think some other mindless jobs would be making cookies or biscuits.

Now all those negative thought that are too many to write down. How many are related? How many could be growing out of the same core belief? This could be a good time to find their cause and kick its butt. You might have a whole bunch that come from the same thought in which case that thought is the one you want to write down and concentrate on changing. Changing one negative core belief can often eliminate a whole hand full of negative thoughts.

Are you writing not true beside all these thoughts?

Have you tried air writing, it takes more concentration than paper writing or computer typing. Use one finger and make the letters about four inches high and try to keep track of them as you write them. I find this a very good distraction. I got this from a guy I worked for. He used it to help him remember our requests. It builds something in your memory. So if you write not true a few times you will start to believe it.

Sunny

As a child I thought my dad didn't like me because he never hugged me. He did things with and for me but there was no affection. One summer he built me a boat and explained why he used this type of glue and that type of screw.

He was in the bombers during the war. Every time he got close to some one he lost them. Four years of this must have built a strong core belief. And back then there was even less help than we had. I often wonder what sort of pain he went through silently? I have a number of pictures of him with different planes. I wonder how many of his friends died in them? I wonder how much the way he was, made me the way I am?

Here for you

as always.

Davit.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Ashley: I have no idea what it means or why it surfaced now. Perhaps because my mother is aging and I've been thinking of her end of life. I don't feel anything in particular, maybe a little sadness. I don't remember the girlfriend, what she looked like or her name. I don't remember the dinner on my birthday, if there was a cake or not. I just remembered the part about my Dad coming in afterwards and the money gift and how shy I felt. Why was I so shy? Maybe because some attention was given me and I felt uncomfortable. Thinking of it, I think I felt uncomfortable for him because he had forgotten and was trying to make up for it. I think that may be some of the feeling. He was often away in places where family couldn't go such as Morocco. He may have just recently come back from somewhere, but I do remember one of his friends had been stabbed to death in Rabat. And a little later, another friend, a pilot, committed suicide. They had been stationed in Morocco together. It might have been around that time.

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remembering the past