Thank you for sharing this experience with us. It sounds like you used your coping mechanisms quite effectively during your train ride. Be proud of yourself for using positive self-talk to help get you through this situation. What have you learned about yourself from this experience? How will you use this in the future?
I also want to congratulate you on your accomplishments....it has been inspiring to read this thread. I especially enjoyed your last post about how your friend told you that if you never put yourself out there, you are always going to be in the same place.
How was everyone's panic this long weekend?
I experienced some panic when I took the train to visit family. There was a lot of sounds on the train (people talking loudly, babies crying) I started to feel trapped on this train with nowhere to go and I still had 3 hours left. I started to panic and sweat and my breathing changed. I put my ipod on with some relaxing music and I used some positive self-talk to bring myself back to reasonable thinking...either way I felt proud that I was able to get myself under control and survive the remainder of the ride.
Congrats on your great accomplishments... you did great! I also know what you mean about feeling 'safe' when it's really not. Happiness is worth so much sometimes because it's something we're not used to or think we don't deserve it. But we all do!
Davit, always wishing you luck and being inspired!
You are so right. I just told a friend earlier that I don't ever push my own agenda regardless of what I deserve, because if I put myself out there, what if I can't find my way back? She said that if I put myself out there, already I would be in a better place than I am now - in whatever way that made a lot of sense to me, and helped me feel like I am on the right track.
Wishing you the best of luck, Davit. Your words are a big help, thank you.
It is amazing what a person will hang onto just because it is a safe routine. I have Arthritis quite bad but when it goes into remission I get anxious. The better I feel the more anxiety. Just the opposite of how it should be. It is like if I do something different I'll be sorry.
Now I am farther along than you. I can challenge the panic when it comes and make it go. Challenging this thought is going to bring on panic and I think I am at the point where I can safely induce panic and make it go away. God help me if I'm wrong, but it is the final step after doing exposure to bury it once and for all. It will be like starting over again except this time the panic won't be coming from no where, I will be purposely causing it. Small steps but here goes, no more cringing. I'm going to put some fun in my life. Even if it hurts a bit. Any one want to guess how many times I'm going to relapse before I get it right.
Davit, being very determined.
PS. wish me luck, I'm going to need it. I can feel a lot of sad creeping in already.
After a really good night's sleep, I do feel much better today. Again, thanks so much for all the kind words of encouragement. In response to the question about where the sadness comes from, I think more than anything I just feel completely exhausted after the panic passes, and I've found that it is when I am tired (as it is with a lot of people) that I am most vulnerable to the toxic thoughts that cause the panic in the first place. Plus, after a period of distraction I find myself checking to see if the panic is still there...sometimes it's not so bad, and sometimes it means a full-blown attack.
Cleo, what you said about being afraid of being happy really resonates and can be so true, especially when my anxiety is at its worst. It feels unnatural, almost wrong to feel happy or good, if there is some reason that I am hanging onto the fear, too. It's almost like I can't stand the thought of associating happiness with the panic, so I panic about being happy. How's that for backward? It's so strange to me how the panic is a "safe" place when it is so painful, both physically and emotionally.
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