Good evening.
I do appreciate all the supportive posts and thank you. Today was a little better than the last two days but I had to fight every minute to make it that way. Still having a little pain and tingling in my leg. Still convinved its something bad and will probably end up at urgent care or doc's office before long because it is consuming 90% of my waking thoughts. This is only going to get worse as I will be flying to Vegas in just over a month. I have a HUGE fear of flying. Have only flown once in the last 10 years and it was a day trip only 45 minutes in the air each way. This will be 3 1/2 hours on the plane each way. I think I have lost mind! But the reasons the thoughts of a blod clot in my leg will get worse is, of course, because flying could bring them on.
I know this is the thing I need to get under control but it is the hardest. I should just think, "what's the worst thing tha could happen" but the answer is always I could die. I am 34 with 2 young children and that is one of my biggest (and most selfish) fears.
I have taken a xanax so that has calmed me down a bit. Really thinking about going to a therapist, at least as often as I can afford it. I have got to do something, including trying to find a way to get back on daily meds. I hate to do that but it is becoming clear I don't have a choice.
I can't let my family suffer. Right now its not interfering with my work for fear they will think I am crazy, but soon it will. I seriosuly just want to cry from the stress.
I am going to read and try to lose myself in a book. If anybody knows of any phone support for when I am in a panic please let me know.