Oh Caden...
I too have felt exactly as you are feeling... I've felt despair even and was scared that it would never get better... It does though...really!! Like Jhori says..sometimes admitting we need help and then accepting it (no matter it's form, counselling or meds etc.) are often the hardest things to do. I was TERRIFIED of taking medication...(still a bit "hesitant" if I've never had it - but now I have safeguards in place..lol) but eventually I did it.. (3 weeks after filling the prescription..lol..and a lot of coaxing from my hubby...) and for me it only got easier.
For whatever reason we've been given this challenge... I've questioned myself a million times.. why me? blah blah.. and then I just came to the realization that it is just part of me..as are my arms and legs...and the less I fought it the less powerful it is.
You're going to see the psychiatrist and that's a positive step... Maybe meds won't be your answer...your shrink can help you decide what path is best.
Stop guilting yourself though about your Mom... I know that's a hard thing to do but she loves you and the only thing she's wishing is that she could help... My hubby and family went through it too..now years later though.. having accepted me for me... I no longer feel as though I'm a burden... Those were all feeling tied into the anxiety...a skewed perception of the situation.
Caden.. this journey can be hard and scary at times... Especially when it becomes too much.. or your mind goes too fast or in some crazy direction... Take it one moment at a time though... You're doing it.. Think about how many days have passed already since your very first post... And your still here...still "not crazy"... and still chatting with us... keeping your lines of communication open and striving for the best for yourself. Be patient... this is definately not an "instant" thing... unfortunately...
You're not alone Caden..and anytime you want to talk.. my ears are open....
I've had great years inbetween rough patches...but each time they end I do come away with something learned...something that greater emphasizes my appreciation for my life and everyone in it... one baby step at a time...
Take care CM
Dazed