thankyou diva, and your answers were not rambling. hope you had a good sleep :)

Hi Crossa, I am not very good with the forgiving onself thing. I still struggle with that myself. As you can see dealing with the past is one of my issues too. As for memory troubles. I did not notice any personnally, not to say it didn't happen. My memory was always really good for some things and really bad for others and I havenot noticed any differences personnally. I have heard tho that benzodiazepines are linked to memory side effects. But I am no expert on the matter... Anyway, sorry if my answrs tonight are a bit rambling and such, I am quite tired. -Diva

hi all, i am having thoughts of the past as well. my friends are here now and i've discovered that they remind me of a mistake i made so many years ago because we hung out back then and so when i'm around them now i feel very anxious and judged. they are my good friends though and i want to go out with them but i have been avoiding because of this memory. think i haven't forgiven myself even though was so long ago. does anyone have tips on how to forgive self?. also i am trying to taper off of my meds (bezodiazepines) as well mainly because it seems to affect my short-term memory? Diva, did your meds affect your memory? :(

Have a good day too :) and you are welcome :) -Diva

Diva...very well put, your explanation, you didn't sound like you were rambling. You are right, it is a personal choice to initially take meds, and at that point, to go off the meds when you are ready. I have an appointment today with my counsellor and I thought I would bring that up and see what she has to say about that. Thank you for your answer, I know it was a personal one, I do appreciate it, your honesty. Have a good day. :) Maggie

Hello Maggie, I am not offended at your quesion at all :) I will try to answer as clearly as possible but I am rather tired and I may not make sense lol. If I am not clear please let me know :P First I would like to say I was on a whole different class of medication then you are on. I was taking anixolitics called benzodiazepines. They have their own duration of effect and set of side effects and long term effects etc. So I guess I can only speak for myself here :) I have taken anti-depressants (not SSRI's though, I can't take those)and gotten off them successfully tho :) First I would like to point out that I am not against medication. I have taken psychotropic medication more then once in my life. When I feel I need it to be able to get myself back to a place where I can do my CBT, I take them. I don'T think it is a bad thing. But I agree with what was said to me: "Pills don't teach skills". As such, I take the medication to help me calm down enough to get to a place where I can do the CBT and learn or refresh the skills :) . I think it can be an effective strategy in my case. As for why I quit, well first benzodiazepines are not necessarily meant to be taken regularly like I was taking it for very long periods of time. They can also cause dependance. So I take them as needed when needed but I always know that it won'T be a permanent thing for me. I know in advance that I will have to prepare a withdrawal program or tapering off program, an exit strategy in a way :) Also, I felt ready. It felt like it was the right time to do it. My life is not perfect but who's life is anyway! I just felt like I would be ok, like it was the right time and I was strong enough.I have refreshed some skills with this program and learned some skills too. I feel stronger. So it was just the right moment. As I said tho, I do have a prescription PRN. I do not take them regularly and have not taken any since I finished tapering off 10 days ago but I do have a prescription in case of emergency. I really think tapering off or getting off medication is a personnal choice. I have friends who have been on medication for years but it works for them and helps them live a full happy life. I think if the benefits outweigh the bad well do what is right for you. On the other hand some people refuse to take meds that is fine too. But my reasons were basically that I figured I would be fine without it and that the benefits no longer outweighed the downsids of the medication. And so, for now I am off. But if a day ever came (Let's hope not)where I felt the need for meds again, I would take them again for a short period. As for you tapering off your meds, well I think you are really the best person to make that call. I do recommend talking with your doctor or therapist , psychiatrist, even the pharmacist can be of great help with figuring things out. I don't think you should be nervous tho. Make sure youhave help and support and the proper tools to do it and it should be fine. If I did it anybody can! Anyway, I am really rambling tonight so I am sorry if my answer is repetitive and long. When I am sleep deprived I am just not as eloquent ;p! Good night for now and have a great day tomorrow! -Diva

Hey there, my days seems to be going pretty good also. I don't seem to be waiting for the ball to drop like I used to. But sometimes I do get to that, particularly PMSing. But the thing I was wondering about is, is this new way of thinking because I have changed my way of doing things and therefore my reactions are different or is it the low dose anti-depressant that I'm on doing it. I'm a little nervous about going off it and falling back to where I was. What made you go off your meds, if you don't mind me asking. If you do mind, I'm certainly not offended if you don't answer. Please don't feel you have to. Talk to you later...have a good evening. Maggie

Btw, and you, how are you?

Hello Maggie, Thank you for asking how I am. I have been thinking on everything from this thread and letting it sink in. I am just trying to figure this out without obsessing over it lol. Besides that, I would say I am doing well. Been using my tools and staying on a rather even keel in the last few days. Friday was rough but saturday and sunday went well. :) Thanks again for answering me on here. This issue has been unresolved for a long time now. I find the insights I was given have helped think more clearly so I appreciate it. It is as I have said still unresolved but I am applying myself at having good days and living my life nonetheless. -Diva

Hi Diva, how are you making out? I hope you're having a good day. Talk to you soon...Maggie