Very insightful thread which I am saving to digest some more. I know what you mean but I can't verbalize a reply. You're doing fabulously. Marie

I thought I was the only one with the pulling at the chest. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 1/9/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 6 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 95 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $30 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 11 [B]Mins:[/B] 17 [B]Seconds:[/B] 49

Imallclear: What are you feeling in your chest...Do you mean a physical pain or are you speaking metaphorically...If it is physical you really have me quite alarmed... Nonic

Penquin: Its like the old Vaudville joke that goes "Doctor Doctor it hurts when I do that"...and the Doctor says "So don't do that"...Sad fact is I have been hurting myself for years in this way...There is a big part of me that wants to follow through on this and determine why I do it...Unfortunately that time is not now as I must put my full concentration on eliminating the scourge from my life...Maybe in time I will know why...Now I need to retrain myself not to... For goodness sake no one in their right mind would justify injesting smoke and tar by maintaining that it is pleasurable...But I have for far to long...If I follow that last statement to its logical conslusion, I have just admitted that I have not been in my right mind for a long long time....um um um.....Some who have known me might agree, but at least I have always been fun... nonic

Penquin: How much more could you celebrate your existance (love yourself) than by giving yourself back to yourself complete with clean lungs and a fully functioning heart. I think that you are worth that and a whole lot more. Your right it is indeed like an abusive relationship. The sad part and probably the most difficult for me to accept is that by choosing to smoke I am choosing that relationship. And perhaps in larger terms by continuing our love affair with nicotene we may be denying ourselves the opportunity to discover much of what it means to be a human being. Keep strong and if you have fallen in the past as you say, treat it as a new beginning. You can do this and there are people here who are willing to invest in your progress. I have only been here a short time, but this site has saved my quit a number of times already and I pray that you will continue to continue until you have crossed over to that mysterious realm of the non-smoker. nonic [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 12/25/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 20 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 497 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $140 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 3 [B]Hrs:[/B] 20 [B]Mins:[/B] 28 [B]Seconds:[/B] 22

Penguin: thats the ticket...keep on with it nonic

Interesting; I like that comment...It is not selfish to wish a better experience in this world for yourself, on the contrary, it is essential. By doing so you will be in a position to bring greater joy to those that you meet along the road... nonic

thank you all for the positive discussion tonigh. I must be off now to do my job. This involves traveling about and staying in various and sundry hotels. Not exactly a stable environment, but I am totally committed to this quit and look forward to speaking with you on my return... nonic

How insidious is this addiction? I am sure there are very solid scientific reasons for the need to smoke. Reduced receptors that require ever increasing amounts of the drug to reach the desired effect, falling sugar levels and all of the rest. However, for me it is more of a spiritual or perhaps I should say anti-spiritual cause and effect relationship. In my perceptual realm I hurt or feel uncomfortable for some reason or other. I may not even be sufficiently aware to know what is causing me discomfort. All I know is that the being that I am hurts. In response to the psychic blow I have trained myself to choke down some smoke. This act makes the pain go away. But where does the pain go? I think the truth might be that it goes nowhere at all, for some reason (which I can not describe), I am more comfortable being me in this semi catatonic state. Its almost like the little kid who covers his eyes and believes with all his heart that no one can see him. When you look at it in those terms dosen't it seem that there might be a better way or ways of dealing with an unseen but clealy experienced state of discomfort? And so that is what I am doing...All of the activities I do are not important in themselves, they are important only if they redirect me from my old ways of applying anesthisia. For instance that is why I am writing here. I have always loved making images out of words since I was a small boy. The greatest thing that you can do with words is use them to create an image in the readers mind. It then becomes an act of pure communication, because the words you use allow the reader to apply their own images. Images which may in fact not have been identical to those of the writer. Could it possibly be then that when someone says I like this or that writer because "he or she speakes to me" what is really meant is that because of the images the writer is able to invoke in the reader the reader is essentially being allowed to "speak to himself"? What a wonderful notion. Well thank you for listening to me...You will be happy to know that by writting this little tome I have successfully crushed another crave and remain smoke free to fight another day...Maybe now I will go and see if I put my hands over my eyes if I really do becom

That is exactly right, Nonic. It's kind of like putting on your own oxygen mask first, before you help those around you. I'm just now learning to put mine on first, so I can be in a better place for those around me. I really enjoyed this thread, Nonic. Thanks for starting it! Have a good week in your travels, and post to us on your return! [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 12/31/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 14 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 148 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $27.02 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 1 [B]Hrs:[/B] 17 [B]Mins:[/B] 17 [B]Seconds:[/B] 47