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newbkr
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newbkr
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19 years ago 0 80 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hello to all of the new quitters on the site, and welcome! By way of introduction, I've been around the site for a very long time, but not posting for many months. I lost someone very close to me last fall and put down my quit. Nicotine has been a way to avoid feelings and "numb out" for the past many months, and I'm ready finally to "sit with the pain" and learn to cope and learn to move on. Part of healing emotionally is quitting -- can't do the emotional work if you're hiding behind a cloud of smoke. So -- here we go again. On day 4 now and struggling not so much with cravings (though a few nasty ones have shown up :)) Mostly struggling with a nasty case of dizziness that I can't seem to get to settle down. But this too shall pass. To those who've been on the site for a long time - I have continued to loiter here and prepare, though I've not been posting. Congrats to those who have hit big milestones, and kudos to you for all of the ongoing support you've been offering the newbies. Glad to be back. I might not be very chatty in the upcoming weeks and months, but will likely be here reading! [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 5/21/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 3 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 48 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $9.75 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 7 [B]Mins:[/B] 55 [B]Seconds:[/B] 3

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    Days: 6032 Hours: 3

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newbkr
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newbkr
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19 years ago 0 80 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Well, Lady -- I will apologize in advance and am being honest only because you asked. I'm having dizzy spells that make me feel like I'm going to fall out. I have the shortest fuse you can imagine and the only reason I haven't killed one of my coworkers is that she took the day off today. I have heartburn that could be used to fuel the space shuttle, and I'm so fatigued that I can barely keep my head up at work. (But sleeping at night -- no, that would be impossible given the frequency and bizarre disturbing nature of the dreams I'm having.) I spent about half my work day today on SSC reading and gnashing my teeth. I spent the other half trying to convince myself that smoking tonight and starting again tomorrow was really really not an option. Turns out in the end I believed myself and didn't do it. Feeling pretty crappy overall, but feeling really glad that I stayed OUT of the market and did not stop for smokes on the way home. Sorry for the big whine-o-rama, but you asked!!! :blush: [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 5/21/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 3 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 55 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $9.75 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 8 [B]Mins:[/B] 58 [B]Seconds:[/B] 21

  • Quit Meter

    $206,761.50

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    Days: 6032 Hours: 3

    Minutes: 46 Seconds: 40

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    45947

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    689,205

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newbkr
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newbkr
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19 years ago 0 80 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
You guys have really overwhelmed me today with your open hearts and the warm welcome back. Thanks so much. And pat yourselves on the back. One of the reasons I did not cave to temptation today was not wanting to come back, reset the meter and say once again....er...um...well, didn't quite make it guys. Peer pressure -- it was supposed to be such a bad thing in high school. Now it turns out to be pretty helpful! P.S. Lady, don't worry. That particular coworker that I'm trying not to throttle -- the rest of my department might actually pay me if I found a way to hide the body. She can even make a never-smoker homocidal!! :eg: Seriously all -- thanks so much for making me feel so supported today. It was a HUGE help. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 5/21/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 3 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 55 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $9.75 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 9 [B]Mins:[/B] 6 [B]Seconds:[/B] 25

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    $206,761.50

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    Days: 6032 Hours: 3

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newbkr
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newbkr
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19 years ago 0 80 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
You guys are so awesome! (Joe, you made me blush young man! :blush:) Today is bizarre. Feeling on top of the world. Nutty -- just plain nutty. Got to sleep too late, but feeling energetic and wired for sound. Found out that I will have to travel on business next week unexpectedly -- starting on the holiday Monday. And then assignments when I return to the home office that will be stressful. Triggers, right? Nope, hasn't made me crave. What made me crave today? What brought on that OUCH I want one REALLY bad craving? Driving to work -- I look over and in the truck next to me is a giant man-hand (the big burly construction worker kind) holding a lit cigarette next to the partially rolled down window. Only because I was in a very small vehicle did I not force him off the road, yank him from the vehicle, and take the cigarette from him to finish it. What on earth?? It was an intense white-knuckle craving that was gone as quickly as it came. But OUCH. I FEAR this weekend. I have four days off work in a row. Starting tomorrow. Danger zone for sure. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 5/21/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 4 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 64 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $13 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 10 [B]Mins:[/B] 22 [B]Seconds:[/B] 23

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newbkr
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newbkr
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19 years ago 0 80 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Joe -- this isn't meant as a woe-is-me marathon, (I know how you love those), but a discussion of what's been holding me back. We always talk about how smoking doesn't fix anything, doesn't make anything better. But while grieving there are times it HAS. I realize that's only very temporary, and that it doesn't bring him back, doesn't help me cope, doesn't help me heal. But it makes me NUMB. It lets me HIDE. And some days the past few months that's the best I felt I could do. I want to stop that cycle. I want to stop hiding. I want to feel whatever those feeling are now and learn how to cope effectively with them. But it's scary stuff. Particularly on a sunny summer extended holiday weekend when a year ago I would have been on the back of a bike thinking "it really can't get any better than this." I miss him so much weekends like this one I just feel like hiding and numbing out might be the best I can manage. I KNOW I have to learn to get past this, but it's tough stuff, let me tell ya. I could not have imagined how tough. Nuff said. Not meaning to whine, just explaining what's rolling around in this melon of mine and explaining the demons I'm fighting. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 5/21/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 4 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 64 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $13 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 10 [B]Mins:[/B] 26 [B]Seconds:[/B] 28

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    $206,761.50

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    Days: 6032 Hours: 3

    Minutes: 46 Seconds: 40

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    45947

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newbkr
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newbkr
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19 years ago 0 80 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Thanks Colleen and Lady. I have been hesitant for so long to talk about any of this on this site, feeling that people might think "ARG -- it's a smoking cessation site, not a counseling service!" But as often happens, if you put it out there, others understand, have been there, done that, got the t-shirt and can relate. And I guess I decided to go ahead and talk about it here, because for me...this IS all about smoking or not smoking. Learning to cope without running off to alter my brain chemistry with nicotine is the name of the game right now. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 5/21/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 4 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 66 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $13 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 10 [B]Mins:[/B] 43 [B]Seconds:[/B] 43

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    $206,761.50

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    Days: 6032 Hours: 3

    Minutes: 46 Seconds: 40

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    45947

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    689,205

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newbkr
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newbkr
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19 years ago 0 80 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
You're exactly right Joe. I read a great book about grieving that said you can avoid it and run from it but the grief and the need to work through it will just wait quietly and patiently for you -- no matter how long you avoid it. The book was pointing out that you might avoid it and hide from it and think that time itself will do the healing and all you have to do is hang on and let the time pass. The author's point was that time itself won't heal you -- that you have to participate and be willing to do some emotional work to get out the other side intact and ready to live fully again. Some days I feel just as big a mess as I was 6 months ago, and I think part of that is because I've been hiding far too often in a bottle or behind a cloud of smoke -- to keep from dealing with things. Okay - enough of this "hand me a Kleenex" type of stuff. On to the business of quitting. (Please note that I tend to veer back into the "hand me a Kleenex" stuff on a regular basis....my apologies in advance if there is future pi$$ing and moaning in that general vein....) [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 5/21/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 4 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 64 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $13 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 0 [B]Hrs:[/B] 10 [B]Mins:[/B] 31 [B]Seconds:[/B] 57

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    $206,761.50

    Amount Saved

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    Days: 6032 Hours: 3

    Minutes: 46 Seconds: 40

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    45947

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    689,205

    Cigarettes Not Smoked

ladybugg
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ladybugg
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19 years ago 0 1073 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
I've missed you. I'm glad to see you back to give it another go! :) Congrats on those first 4 days!! [color=Purple]~bugg hugg~[/color] [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 3/17/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 433 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 22,984 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $2857.8 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 42 [B]Hrs:[/B] 5 [B]Mins:[/B] 49 [B]Seconds:[/B] 48

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    $56,407.50

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    Days: 998 Hours: 2

    Minutes: 42 Seconds: 56

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    7521

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ladybugg
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ladybugg
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19 years ago 0 1073 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Have a great week newbkr! I'm rooting for you!! Stay strong! We CAN do this! [color=Purple]~lbugg~[/color] [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 3/17/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 438 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 23,241 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $2890.8 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 42 [B]Hrs:[/B] 17 [B]Mins:[/B] 6 [B]Seconds:[/B] 51

  • Quit Meter

    $56,407.50

    Amount Saved

  • Quit Meter

    Days: 998 Hours: 2

    Minutes: 42 Seconds: 56

    Life Gained

  • Quit Meter

    7521

    Smoke Free Days

  • Quit Meter

    188,025

    Cigarettes Not Smoked

Maddie
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Maddie
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19 years ago 0 10 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hey, newbkr! I've been wondering how you're doing. I came here tonight just to see if anyone was around that I recognized from way back when. As for this site not being a counseling service, um, I beg to differ. This site is kinda like group session, eh? :) I spent a couple months on here working through some issues before I was actually ready to quit. Sometimes you need to talk to people about the issues in your life that make you feel as if you NEED to smoke. That's the only way they can say, hey, I know what you mean, and here's what I tried in that situation. Other quitters can teach you the tools you need to cope with the difficulties in your life. Now I'm at 7-1/2 months quit without a single puff thanks to the support I got here. Believe me, I was great at stuffing my emotions into those nasty little smoke sticks. The thing is that those emotions are still there with or without a smoke. You still have to deal with it all eventually. And it's tough. Anyway, I'm glad you're back on the quitting wagon. I know you can do it. Take care of yourself, and be kind to yourself. {{{{hugs}}}} -Maddie [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B] 10/17/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 224 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 2,249 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $504 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 18 [B]Hrs:[/B] 22 [B]Mins:[/B] 5 [B]Seconds:[/B] 40

  • Quit Meter

    $330,818.40

    Amount Saved

  • Quit Meter

    Days: 6078 Hours: 15

    Minutes: 46 Seconds: 4

    Life Gained

  • Quit Meter

    45947

    Smoke Free Days

  • Quit Meter

    918,940

    Cigarettes Not Smoked


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