Red,
I understand the getting older thing. I am a whopping 36 years old now (have been for a week). I know that sounds young and crazy.
Due to congenital health issues (mostly from my mom's side, heart problems, blood pressure problems, arthritis and a bunch of other health stuff that seems to get worse everytime I see a doctor), I sometime feel older than my 80 year old grandmother (my dad's mom), who still drives, works out at the gym, volunteers, cooks and cleans for herself, and drinks a fifth of vodka every day. I found that by following the doctor's orders and exercising, eating a balanced diet and quitting smoking made my depression worse and my health problems worsened as well. I have been smoking again (after a 14 month quit) for a few months, my mind is much more clear, my blood pressure has dropped so that I only need one combo medication (for arrythmia/blood pressure) and I have the energy I need to get through the day (and the false fortification to face crowds of people and driving, rather than vomitting and having a panic attack every time). I have reverted to my old eating habits (not so much on the plate, but the good stuff, homemade bread, cream chicken, steak, potatos, cake) my digestive issues have pretty much resolved themselves, (not so much gas and bloating). Exercise well, I have more energy so I clean more, I find that scheduled, forced physical activity doesn't work for me.
What I am getting at here is that do things because you enjoy them, not because someone else says its good for you. Forced health is not worth the headache, find something you enjoy, and make you happy, like my grandma, she is generally in a good mood (unless she has more vodka than normal), but she does things every day that she enjoys doing. Just like her mom who lived to 99, up till the last 2 years, she enjoyed an active life, and did things that made her happy (she was a widow so no man to have to put up with (from her perspective, they just get underfoot, worse than kids, she would say).
So needless to say, I am trying to adopt that outlook, obviously very slowly, heaven knows what being happy (or even at peace) for more than a few seconds would do to a person.
What I am saying is, be good to yourself, find things you enjoy and remember that there are always people out there who are worse off and better off than you. Keep things in perspective (very difficult for people with BPD or Depression) and remember you have friends here that will listen to you tell of your pleasant experiences and horrible experiences.
Take care Red.
