on communication from co-dependent no more: "many codependents have poor communication skills. we carefully choose our words to manipulate, people please, control, cover up, and alleviate guilt. our communication reeks of repressed shame. we laugh when we want to cry, we say we're fine when we're not. we allow ourselves to be bullied and buried. we sometimes react inappropriately. we justify, rationalize, compensate, and take others all around the block. we are nonassertive. we badger and threaten, then back down. sometimes we lie. frequently, we are hostile. we apologize a lot, and hint at what we want and need. codependents are indirect. we don't say what we mean, we don't mean what we say. we don't do it on purpose. we do it because we've learned to communicate this way. at some point, either in our childhood or adult family, we learned it was wrong to talk about problems, express feelings, and express opinions. we've learned it was wrong to directly state what we want and need".
