I am new to this support group. I will be brief. I am divorced and live alone. I was downsized from a great job one year ago. I try but it is very difficult to get up each morning and job search. I have been estranged from from my 20-year old daughter for nearly two years. We were close before that and I am honestly not sure why she is so angry at me. I miss her very much. I have developed some new friendships with women but I find myself very insecure and unsure of myself. People that I meet sense that and after an initial enjoyable period, the friendships often end. What I am leading up to is the most serious problem that I have. Far more serious than anything I have written. It is being alone. I spend very long periods of time alone, not seeing anyone. This leads to thinking about the past and the mistakes I have made in my life. It is a very bad way to live. I have taken several medications but they do not seem to help. I feel medication-resistant. I remain stuck in a lonely cycle of regret and sadness. I want to feel better. I simply don't know what to do. Anyway, thank you for reading.

Thank you again, Poes. I don't have as much time as i want to now to write, because I'm meeting someone soon, but your words have stayed in my mind and gave me a sense of calm ever since that i haven¨t felt in a long, long time! I look at my brother as being very wise and i look up to him and he has said simliar things to me like you just have regarding issues with people and that has guided me through the years to determine how to look at all kinds of situations with a smart and good perspective. but I still struggle greatly with this and the depression as people know deep down, it seems that even when they don't admit it or try to convince you (and thus maybe themselves!) that you'll do fine and can be just as be happy without a man as with having one, but then have a spouse themselves already. But this is extremely difficult to do and it takes a special person to handle this! And a very,very small minority of people stay unmarried or not ever have a close friend for their whole lives. I, for one, certainly need people like the next person and desire to be married to the "right one" for life someday. but i have always lacked in both close friendships and a mate. I'm an extreme recluse. This online group seems the only thing I have right now, it means alot! I can go online fairly regularly, but I don't have my own computer here or at home, so my time to write and respond is limited.

Dear Lalo, In this one as well as in the first post you are showing wisdom beyond your age. I figure you could handle my words. You also show a tremendous positive outlook, which in your situation and the things you went through in your younger years, is difficult. Being alone in another country is difficult, but it will give you a lot of experiences that will be highly useful in your life. I have always been a loner, liking different things than my peers. I was not shun...but I was told I was arogant. So...I did try for a while to show everybody that I was not. God, I got so tired doing that, that eventually I realized it was not my problem, but theirs. I am sure that if you keep following your heart and do the things that are good for you, you will go home fullfilled and with a lot of knowledge to boot. Everywhere there are annoying people. In fact, I am still a kind of loner......no, let me rephrase that....I am still highly selective of who I let into my world. If that makes me arrogant, so be it. I always respect the people that have the nerve to stand alone and dare to be different. So, good for you Lalo.

Dear Poes, thank you for your advice! And I truly agree with almost everything you said. I can accept that most younger people will act certain ways, but when I was 20, I didn't act like them with some in these typical ways. In fact, I was more serious (I realize that's just me in this case) about life and more careful about what and how I said things to people,(i.e. trying hard not to be rejecting or mean to anyone) but now I feel I'm living a "second childhood," and doing more of the things the college age people do such as trying new experiences, being more impulsive, laughing too much, taking more risks to be more independent, being bolder,etc. (THe very things i was scared to do all the years before, but should have). I was scared of the world before becasue I was struggling in dealing with my depression and OCD, and was an inpatient at some hospitals for it. Now, I'm trying to "catch up" or compensate for all the years I feel I missed out on stuff becasue i was too scared or afraid I'd "step on someones toes." But now I think that by living one of my dreams (traveling/studying abroad) I can maybe start to replenish all the wasted time and emptiness that a person severely depressed goes through. And if anyone reads this, I hope this will help them to not go down the path I went and save themselves wasted, empty years! Again, Poes, I appreciate and admire your acute insight and helpful words! Larsienne (Lalo)

I understand your anger. People should not be that way. It is bad and bad should not happen in this world. Unfortunately it does. I could analyse the reasons they are doing it for you, but does it really matter?? A long time ago I accepted that about 90% of all people are mighty ignorant, just plain stupid or a combination of the two. It gets easier when you accept that. No matter how angry you get, they are not going to change, so use your energy for other things. About you....it is hard being alone in another country. Even though most western world have things in common, I think a culture shock is going to be experienced. If you are 10 years older than your fellow students, than you are indeed, like you mention on a whole different plain. They do not interest you and you do not interest them. If they are 10 years younger, than they are doing things that you have outgrown, probably. Give them that and do not expect them to be as mature as you. If you ask me, they are entitled to that, to do stupid things at their age. Try to see the whole thing as an opportunity for you, take the things that you can use from it and leave the things that are not for you. You will be happier, if you can let stand everybody in their own light.

Hello, I, too, am having great trouble interacting with people and it only makes the depression worse. As bad as it is where you live, it's aweful when you in another country. Right now I'm in a studies abroad program for the summer and it's not the foreigners I'm having a hard time with, it's the American college-age students in the group here! I'm at least 10 years older than 98% of the students but this was a great opportunity and I¨ve never been abroad before and it's always been a big dream of mine for years to go abroad in Central Europe. I just wish I had more in common with the other American students in the program. I tried to fit in and go out and stuff, but it's clear that my personality is too different and the people now shun me. It seems I¨m the only "loner" in the group of women here (i really need my alone time!)and it seems it's less acceptable to be a "loner female" than it is for a guy to be one. Women can be so gossipy, petty, and mean to each other and I can't stand gossip intended to alienate and categorize someone, whom they don't even really know!!!I don't drink and am not into the bar or party scene( and if you're significantly older than 21, you are more or less onto a different stage in life anyway.)I'm very much into classical music and the visual arts but not very many young people are game for much of that! THere is a guy here in the program who these people also shun. Yes, he may think he's "right" and opinionated too much, as these people say, but it makes me so mad how people just decide to cut you off becasue you aren't like them!!! Here's an example of the kind of mentality most of these people have. This same guy who is not well liked, had a girlfriend who came to visit him here and a alot of these same people were lining up, literally, to meet his girl when she comes becasue they can't believe any girl would like him! Or they want to see how "weird" or pretty or "off" she must be to be this guy! Maybe you all can respond to the concept of how people will just "write you off" without knowing much about you and want nothing to do with you. I can't undersatand this. It so **** petty and ignorant and I'm tired of people then just going along with those same people who decide to shun someone. It's like they don't ever w

Hi folkster, Thanks for sharing your concerns. I know that other fellow group members will be responding, but I just wanted to reinforce what gr8fl already noted. Perhaps if your current course of therapy is not working you need to let you doctor know. Hopefully he/she can assist you and provide you with some guidance to address your concerns. Looking forward to hearing from you soon, Casey __________________________________ The Depression Center Support Team

folkster, I feel for your situation. As you replied to Jane S. you also are not alone. You are very fortunate to have a partner who truly cares about you. Many people do not even have that much. I think you need to find a therapist that will do a better job for you. Not that I'm a doctor or anything but it sounds like you are on the wrong meds(if indeed you have a chemical imbalance and need them in the first place) Don't say it's impossible to create a social life with your condition. You are young enough and have the tools at your disposal to make almost anything possible that you choose to. Don't worry about what other people think. Just be yourself (and yourself sounds like a very nice person) A true friend is one that will accept you as you are and be there for you if needed. Don't despair - there are many of them/us out there!

I understand how you feel. Despite your loneliness, you are not alone. I have been living with chronic clinical depression since I was a young teenager and I am now in my mid-twenties. My ability to connect with people seems to deteriorate as my depression worsens, and once I do connect-I begin to have the same feelings of paranoia and anticipated disappointment that you also seem to have. I too am an attractive succssful educated fun woman who should/and once had - lots of friends -- but lately, I can't seem to develop any real friendships that go beyond workplace banter or neighborly courtesy. MY depression sinks me so low that the few social invitations I get, I have to turn down in fear of having my new friend see my grief. When I am finally ready and comfortable with the new friend, I seem to hit a pattern of disappointing situations that terminate the possibility of bonding. In the end, people must think Im "stuck up" or rude or too secretive. Since I am in a new city and it is a place where few people relocate ("transplant") -- it is impossible to create a social life with my condition. I've come to the point that I don't trust anyone, even my partner who I know really cares for me. Anytime I open up, I seem to get hurt --so I alienate everyone. Im good at covering my depression in public, but it is imposisble to keep up the facade for too long. Do others have this problem with depression? Has anyone overcame it or do you have advice how I can start to move on with my life and make new friends? Please give advice. Medication and therapy aren't working for this problem.

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