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Positive Self-Growth from Shari

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 63

Quick hello. I had to go to Lab Corp for a follow up blood test to see if my thyroid level increased or returned to normal. I thought about the blood test yesterday and was nervous, but I did other things and forgot about it. I got about 4 hours of sleep, for no particular reason. As my Dad says, "Never worry about not sleeping. When your body needs it, it will sleep." So, again nervous this morning, but I talked with the Nurse the whole time and focused on the conversation and I didn't notice the blood test. I think I was on auto pilot distraction - ha ha. I'm not worried about the result. Because, if I'm fine, then I've wasted a lot of happiness in between :-) I'm also fine from the last post. From experience, in a day or two everything always looks brighter. It happens every time. Hope you're all having a great day!

Shari

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 63

Having a weak moment this morning. And, I don't have anyone to talk to, so I hope it's okay that I talk here. Last night I had a dream that I flew to Korea to see Moon. He talked to me, but he wouldn't look at me. We went to Japan together. The plane was flying really low through a jungle and we saw Crane birds. Then, the plane crashed, but we were fine. Then, we took a taxi van, and it crashed, and we were fine. Then, I woke up. I think the dream means that our relationship crashed, our promises crashed, our life together and future plans crashed. I know not to cry over someone who was cruel and harsh. And, I wouldn't want to go back and be treated that way again. I keep running into people who ask me about him. And, I say we're no longer together. Everyone keeps telling me he used me. And, because I couldn't make him rich in the USA, he dumped me. This hurts me to the core. Because, I don't want to believe it. I want to believe he loved me. Feelings of embarrassment, hurt and other uncomfortable emotions are just flooding through me. I am crying, because what I learned from the past, is that if I stuff my feelings, that's when anxiety and panic can creep back in. So, I'm going to shower, get out of the house and make plans with myself to create an exciting and happy and awesome life. This too shall pass. It caught me off guard. So, I have to deal with it and get through it and keep moving forward and push through. This feeling won't last forever. It's temporary and uncomfortable, but that's all it is. I hope I didn't drag anyone down. I usually don't post unless it's positive. But, I am human like everyone else. It's just a broken heart, but from past experience, it will mend in time. Thanks for listening and have a great day. And, chin up and move forward with whatever unexpected things the day brings. And, I'm taking my own advice :-)

Shari

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 63

You're welcome Cara!

When I had panic attacks I couldn't drive 10 minutes, so you're way ahead of me when I started :-) I used to love to drive, like you. And, eventually I loved it again. So, I know you will too, because you've done it before. So, there's the prove and evidence! I have to say I'm impressed with you driving 24 hours to Florida. I live in Maryland and it takes me 2 days - ha! Speaking of Florida...My parents are renting a house a few blocks down the street. They moved up from Florida and when their lease is up next year, they plan to move back. I'm thinking about traveling down with them, because I work from home, so I can get a place and work anywhere. There's lots to do there and it's easier to stay fit by walking at the various parks all year round. The last time I moved down there, I was severely anemic and I had severe anxiety and came back up to Maryland. But, I'm not anemic anymore and I don't have constant high anxiety anymore and I have a different mindset. I'm not the same person I was before, I'm a new improved version. I may explore Florida again through new eyes. I'll be here for a year and I'm exploring Maryland. If I run out of adventures here, I may start an adventurous path down there. I don't have a set outcome in mind, I just try different paths and see where I'm supposed to be. I'm just going to enjoy the journey :-) I've got plenty of time to think about it and I'll make a decision next fall. There are many options, just to visit my parents, to be a Snow bird and spend winters in FL and the other half of the year in Maryland. Or, just stay put, if I find a niche here. It will be interesting to see what unfolds. Life is filled with endless possibilities.

Shari

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 169

Thanks Shari!

I hope one day I can start loving the drive again. I used to drive 24 hours to Florida now I can't even drive 30 minutes :(.

One day I hope it will get better! I hate the time alone, because that's the negative thinking time....have to change this!

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 63

Hi Cara!

Re: driving anxiety free. You'll love driving again one day. Just keep driving and what helped me was to think about the destination which kept my thoughts off of the actual journey of driving. I thought about where I was going and what I was going to do when I got there. After shifting my focus, onto a positive and off the negative, it started getting easier. Also, singing to a music CD or listening to an audio book CD is a pleasant distraction. Or, looking at the license plates ahead of you and trying to figure out words if it's a personalized plate. You can count signs or notice colors of the autumn leaves. Obviously, you're paying attention to driving, but all of these activities are do-able while you're driving. Kind of like sightseeing on your way to work. You can do it! It gets easier over time.

Shari

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 169

You are awesome Shari and you are right? Don't let anyone tell you, you can't get better because honestly I have really good days that I always look back on when I'm having a bad day.

You said you had a driving issue with anxiety also, I do also. Can you give me some light on this? How did you get over that anxiety. To me I think its from being alone in the car and the only time I ever think to myself and I always remember and rethink about my panic and anxiety. Its such a hard thing to do sometimes....I have to force myself to drive sometimes....

I used to love driving, I want that back....

I moved closer to drive close to work but next year I'll be moving farther and would like to get over this hump.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 63

Mini schedule update. The ESL classes, I RSVP'd for, turned out to be for people who do not speak English. I thought it was for people who wanted to teach others how to speak English, so obviously, I changed my RSVP's for those classes. My next Spanish class is October 20th. In the meantime, I have Living Language Spanish Complete Edition, so I can continue learning Spanish on my own at home. I'm on the Intermediate book. The job market in the U.S. is horrible and there are no jobs available, although I keep applying. So, I've defaulted to my Freelance Artist job and I'm making enough money to live, so I am doing well. If I can find work as a Computer Repair Technician, that's great, and if I can't, no worries - I'll continue to Freelance for the rest of my life. I've got no complaints. I'm thankful I'm able to take care of myself and support myself. I'm saving some money each month for my travel fund. It may take me a couple of years to get to Tokyo, Japan and a couple more years after that to get to Oahu, Hawaii, but I'll still be able to go. It makes me happy to think about it. I'm continuing to look for new meet up groups, new classes, new adventures, learning new things and meeting new people. I'm going to continue to get out there in the world and enjoy it. I actively seek out things to do outside of my home. Since I work from home, it's easy to slide back into agoraphobia, so I constantly look for things to do to get out of the house. I'll keep you posted about my shenanigans and adventures :-)

Shari

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 63

P.S. I'm sure the technical department is working on it. They are aware of it. Being a Certified Computer Repair Technician, sometimes it takes some time to troubleshoot, so I'm confident they're doing everything they can. It's just a matter of time. I forgot my old email address and password, so I had to rejoin the site to post again. Although I clicked that I'm from the U.S. it came up as Canada, but I'm part Canadian, eh? So, it's all good :-) I used my old computer to log in and it saved my old email address. So, you'll see my old avatar with the heart in the coffee cup and my name Shari when you hover the mouse arrow/pointer over it. Hope that made sense - ha ha. It's 5:30 a.m. on the East Coast in the U.S. I haven't had my morning coffee yet :-) P.S.S. I tried to sign in with my old laptop to see if I could post my photo avatar with Windows XP, because I currently have Windows 7 on my new laptop, but it's a technical difficulty on the site. I've been able to upload and post my photo on my profile on other sites and it all works fine on those.

Shari

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 63

Hi Davit,

Every time I log on, I try to post my picture as an avatar and I always get an "error" message. I copied and pasted the error and emailed it to the technical department and I still can't get my photo uploaded. I keep trying every day. Maybe one of these times it will work. When I wrote the first post for this thread, I got booted off (logged out), because I took too long to write it. That's why I wrote a series of tips instead of one long post about it. As soon as the technical difficulties pass, I'll get my avatar up. I even tried to copy and paste a picture of me in the post and that didn't work either. Life is full of glitches and this too shall pass :-)

Shari

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

¿ No puede usted cambiarlo?

Maybe not, I can't change my avatar, hell half the time I can't get on here anymore.

Davit.

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