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Positive Self-Growth from Shari

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 63

Hi Mark, Thank you for your uplifting post. I just came back from a new adventure. I've been joining meet up groups and trying new things. Some are outside of my comfort zone. And, I still have to make myself get out there in life and experience it. I use to be agoraphobic and I find that it is easy to slide back into staying home, but it's not good for me. So, tonight I was supposed to meet a new friend at a new place. I went to a Japanese drum and dance studio. The friend I was supposed to meet, did not come. So, I sat by myself and thought that I would really just like to get up and leave now. But, I forced myself to stay. Some people came over and talked with me. And, one person put my chair in front of the stage, so I could watch the dancers up close. So, guess what happened next? The next thing you know, they gave me a drum and had me dance with them! You know what I did? I just didn't worry about it and had fun with it. I actually had a great time! I danced for an hour and felt like a kid playing with new friends. So, if I had left, I would have robbed myself of having fun. From experience, although I balk at going out sometimes, I know afterward I am glad I went. So, I still need to talk myself into doing stuff sometimes. It beats being isolated and alone. You never know what friends you'll meet and what great experiences you'll have if you don't try. Monday night I'm taking Spanish classes and Wednesday night I'm teaching English as a Second Language (ESL). I've learned to speak basic Chinese/Mandarin, Cantonese, Korean and Japanese. And, I'm happy you wrote Mark. I'm proud of you for using google translate. I've used it to speak with my Asian friends. Good for you! I know you will continue to do well!

Your friend, Shari

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 7

Hi Shari, what you write, it is crucial for me, is the key that I am trying for years and which I found thanks to you. I have been to a doctor with many certificates, professor of CBT and so much more, but I've never had all these tools in hand, well-structured worksheets but especially the help of people like you. Maybe I need more advice, but this time I'll think about the times that I fall but to those in which I rise. I'm sure you're a special person, and it is my soul that wishes you many beautiful things for your life. I am sure that in this place there are many special people who seek their own way and certainly sooner or later and will be stronger and more aware of before. Just think about the past we are what we want to be! Now! Graize Shari, thanks to this wonderful program panic and all the people who will read this message. Thanks and sorry for this English translated by google. (Behold, I have to learn English well for when you will travel all the way)

Mark

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 63

Hi Mark! Thank you for your kind words. I'm so happy you found your trigger. That's great! I'm going to take a guess that you haven't lost control. And, you could replace that thought with, "There is no evidence that I have lost control when I'm not near people and hospitals." And, with dread you could replace that thought with, "Dread is a temporary uncomfortable feeling, but there is no evidence that anything bad is going to happen. I have felt dread before when nothing bad has happened." I would also say, "I can handle it." You'll see, over time, that you are okay and you will build confidence. It's repetition of saying these true statements, every time you think otherwise. And, over time you retrain your brain to default on positive thoughts and not automatically thinking negative thoughts. We're trained to focus on negative things, just look at the news, or rather don't :-) Also, keep a record of all of the times you are successful and have been successful and that will keep you focused on all of the things you can do and minimize negative thoughts. It's all about what you focus on.

Shari

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 7

Hello Shari, I am very happy with what you wrote and what you are now, a strong person, independent and with his words illuminate the hearts and minds of those who read them. Thanks to you, I realized what my triggers specific, whereas before I associated only with the fact of being afraid of panic attack. I'm not afraid of physical symptoms, heart beat, breathing fast. I'm just afraid of losing control and try that nasty feeling of dread. In fact, I always think to have nearby hospital or person who can help me. all that is activated only when they are either too far from the hospital.

What do you think of these anxious thoughts and how can I replace them. Thank you, of course, the discussion is open to all.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 63

P.S. Also, please rule out physical problems that could give symptoms of anxiety or make them worse. All of these coping skills are valid for both physically and mentally managing anxiety and panic. I was severely anemic at one point. When I was given supplements, I greatly improved. And, now I am thankfully cured. It's good to cover all of the bases and rule out health issues which could add to the anxiety symptoms and make anxiety management possibly easier. Shari

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 63

Prepare coping skills in advance. For example, although I hadn't had panic attacks in 4 years, flying 35 hours around the world, was a bit daunting to say the least. My desire to meet the Korean man was greater than my fear of flying. So, I went online and printed out lists of things to do while on a long flight. I made a list of things to take. And, I wrote a list of why I was doing this.

Here was my flight experience and the result of having done it. I got on my National flight from D.C. to CA. The guy who sat next to me was a jerk. He stressed me out so much, I got up and told the Flight Attendants I had to get off the plane. I couldn't do it. One Attendant was a Life Coach and said if I was stressed during the flight, he'd come and help me and talk with me. The other Attendant asked one passenger to switch seats with me and she did! So, I stayed. I watched a movie and we had the worst turbulence over the Rocky Mountains, but I was fine! You should have seen the Cheshire Cat grin on my face when I landed in San Francisco! I had just built confidence by doing it. On the International flight, I thought that is was a much longer flight, but I pictured the business man on the other end of the flight waiting for me at Incheon Airport, so off I went. I had a nice seat mate and only once during the flight, I felt like I had enough and wanted to get off. So, I took a motion sickness pill and I was fine. My grin was even bigger when I landed in S. Korea. I DID IT!!! For the flight back, I hopped on the planes, like I hopped in my car and didn't even give it a second thought. Now, when I see a plane in the sky, I wish I was on it going anywhere for adventure. When you do things, then you learn how to cope. Once you get rid of big fears, the rest of the little fears go away. I can get on cars, planes, trains, buses, and ride in elevators (which I couldn't do before). Now, I can do anything, because my limitations were self-imposed. Once I flew around the world by myself, I know I can do anything.

Shari

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 63

Part III. Shari's Tips:

Make a list of self-soothing things that comfort you and keep the list in your purse or wallet. When you have anxiety, do one or more things on the list. Here's my list to spark some ideas: massage, decaf flavored coffee, music, positive reading material, hug my dogs, visit my parents, do something fun with my daughter, shopping, journal, chocolate candy treat, an ice cream or frozen yogurt treat, eating out, socializing, TV, exercise, stop thinking and relax for awhile, make something creative.
Get around positive people.
From experience, if your desire is greater than your fear, you will do anything to get it.

I have one more to share, but I'll post this now and write again shortly.

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 63

Part II. More tips from Shari:

Identifying triggers is big! Once I knew what triggered panic, by identifying it, it helped tremendously. Exampe, I had physical triggers. My heart would start racing and then I would notice it and think, "Oh my gosh, what's going on, there must be something wrong." Then, the panic snowballed into a full blown attack. Next time, my heart started racing, I said, "Just because my physical symptoms are in flight mode, doesn't mean there's anything to be afraid of." I would just not make a big deal out of it and then I would calm down and the symptoms would go away. If there was a real reason why I was afraid, like having to take a trip somewhere, I just would tell myself that being nervous is just another word for excitement. THIS IS IMPORTANT...when your body goes into anxiety mode, remember that nervous fear and excitement have the EXACT same physical symptoms. It's how your brain is interpreting these physical symptoms. So, if you tell yourself you're excited about what you're doing, for me anyway, it shut down the panic sequence and I would not panic. Just an idea to see if it works for you.
Once you are triggered STOP! Replace those negative thoughts, BEFORE you spiral downward. Don't let them take hold, nip them in the bud.
Be afraid and do it anyway.
I used to have panic attacks in the shower and while driving a car. So, I falsely associated the shower and the car for the cause of panic. It's identifying the trigger.
The "What If" game. I put a positive spin on it. Instead of saying, "What if I fail?" I would say, "What if I succeed?" Replace every negative with a positive.
Make a list of all of your successes. Focus on all you can do and have done. Like getting your Driver's License, graduating from High School, College. Being a Mom and raising great kids, etc.
Baby steps are important. Don't try to do something huge if you're not ready for it. I couldn't drive 10 minutes down my street at one point, so jumping on an airplane was not a good idea for me at that time.
Read positive material and listen to positive uplifting music.

Part III is next. Shari

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 63

Hi Cara!

Thanks for your nice post :-) I'm happy to answer your question. Here's what worked for me:

I completed the Panic Center course and did all of the homework. (I'll admit, at the time I wasn't able to do much of the Simulating Panic and Exposure and Simulation, but I was able to do it later on).
I replace (and I continue to do this) negative thoughts with positive true statements. This is the KEY to success! I can't emphasize this enough.
I never gave up or quit - ever!
I was kind to myself when I made mistakes or went back a few steps. I let it go, forgot about it, and kept moving forward. We all fall, because we're imperfect humans, so what matters is not that we fall, but how long we stay down. Pick yourself up and try, try again. It requires a lot of patience, but it's another KEY to success.
A specific example, when I had panic at red traffic lights, I wrote a list of positive true statement (a page long!) to counteract the panic attack. Statements like, "This is just a temporary uncomfortable feeling. It will pass shortly. This is good, because the longer I do this, the less fearful I'll become over time." By the time I read to the bottom of the list, the light was green and panic was managed and eventually was gone. I had to do this a lot.
Don't avoid what you fear, because it gives fear power. Fear is: False Evidence Appearing Real. It's a toothless lion. It tries to scare you, but it cannot harm you. And, the more you confront it, the less power it has over time. Until it goes away.

I'm going to post this now and I'll continue Part II shortly. Shari

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 63

Thanks Ashley!

I couldn't have said it better myself :-) It's exactly how I feel.

Shari

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