Barely hanging on... fed up... and scared
Marivi, Karren, Dave, Jim, Sarah, PB, Brenda, Nonic, Rock,Penitent, Bob, Lillyput, MissMarple, Breather and last but not Lisa- and everybody else (goodness, I feel like I'm starting into a speech :-))
Thank you thank you thank you!!!
I am always amazed at the fact that when you feel the most alone, when you actually almost provoke your own solitude by *****ing at others, there are still people there understanding and supporting you.
I think I believed that things were supposed to get BETTER as time went on. They do in many ways. BUT the addict gets more and more tricky, stabs you from behind, it knows all your arguments and becomes deceitful, wicked and very very clever. And more subtle: you think it's yourself speaking, but its still the addict.
I also found the posts you bumped, Dave, fascinating. The one on self-pity is extremely helpful to me. And the other one, lashing out at all our doubts, fears, self-pity and basically telling us to shut up and get our act together is amazing. Not only does it harshly atteck all us quitters: but it is also written by a quitter in about the same phase as I am now: thus venting his anger onto the others on the site and lashing out. So doubly interesting for me :-)
I am thankfully better today, even though still wrecked from yesterday's emotions and frustration.
No cigarettes. Thank goodness.
Went to the gym and did a pilates/yoga class- and then a combat class, where I vented all my anger and venom into an imaginary opponent, whom I slammed my fists, knees and feet into for one hour.
Feeling better.
And going to bed EARLIER today. Not sleeping enough. Part insomnia. But also part the fact that I, like a little girl, find it difficult to force myself to bed.
Will be a good girl today.
Catwoman :-)
My Milage:My Quit Date: 4/14/2009
Smoke-Free Days: 71
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 1,420
Amount Saved: �326.60
Life Gained:Days: 5
Hrs: 16
Mins: 52
Seconds: 51
