Well last night my fear had already started to sink in about not smoking today. While in bad last night I kept repeating to myself over and over again, mind over matter, mind over matter. Not only silently chanting it but "feeling" it. I was actually optimistic about it. Then I woke up this morning and suprisingly still felt strong enough to want to quit. I continued chanting to myself, mind over matter, mind over matter.
Got up, took a shower, brushed my teeth and got dressed. I went on the computer to do research on the temper pedic mattred because we just puirchased one and my husband and I both have been waking up with the worst back pain. Then it HIT ME!.
Omg, I need a cigarrette. Omg, what am I going to do. I threw out my last cigarette last night, I don't have anymore. I can't do this. ok calm down.......There's cigarette butts in the fireplace. I rush to the fireplace and get a tiny one, light it up....ahhhhhhhh! I just needed two or 3 puffs. Now i feel like I can deal with it. I went to my closet and got the 7mg patch that's been sitting there for almost a yar and put it on. I feel fine...for now.
I am praying I don't feel like that again. If I do. I will buy the higher doses patch again and start all over.
I am so sick of smoking! Get out of my life, loser!! leave me ALONE!!
Ok, so I HAVEN'T smoked anything since the butt this morning. I can see i'm already turning to food. I've been munching all day and this is bull****. This entire thing is just bull****.
I know A lot of you have been there and have felt the ****ty ass feeling i'm feeling now and maybe even worse, but it's happening to me..right this minute. NOW.
No i'm not special, but this is me.
I came here for support, not for tough love. I'm a grown woman and I know I need to quit, I know the health risks, blah blah blah. But can some of you just support me or back off.
I am going to quit but how I want to, not how a group of people on the net say I should quit.
I can see this is a lovely community but a couple of people here are too radical and need to chill. I just need casual support not boot camp.
Thanks
I bought a pack of cigarettes.
Thanks guys. You're right. I finally fessed up to my husband that I had "tried" to quit but I wasn't ready. He was so proud of me for even trying. I told him I want to get the patch in the next couple of days and he said ok. He even had tears in his eyes.
The thing is that i'm trying to quit 2 things at once, drinking and smoking. I'm a borderline alcoholic. I drink every other night. So I know when i quit smoking I will automatically quit drinking because I cannot drink without a cigarette.
I am so screwed right now. I feel like such a ****ing loser. But at the same time i'm really not. I'm a decent person with a good heart. I just want to quit this crap so I can live to at least 80 years old.
I hate myself for thinking it was cool to smoke when I was 16. That was so retarded.
Thanks so much everyone. You all are great! I guess I was a bit pissed before because I was going through the motions of wanting to smoke soooo bad. I'm sorry I was mad.
Windy, you're my type of girl.
Good luck!
I'm sorry for posting so much. I'm so emotional right now. I just feel like I want to get into the shower and cry and cry and cry until I let it all out. wtf?
So far I have smoked 2 cigs and that 1/4 butt from this morning. It feels good that I havent gone through almosy an entire pack. I'm suprised at myself. I must really want this.
I know tonight I will drink though, and I will smoke more.
I've been getting dizzy spells and chest pain and I hope it goes away. i have a Dr's app. next week.
I'm going to get the patches prolly tomorrow. Wish me luck!
Windy, did you just have a cigarette. is that why your thing says less than an hour? I feel you. I just had one too a few mintues ago.
How can I get one of those mileage like you have?
Thanks Josie :)
Is there a way I can add it permanantly so I don't have to add it each time I post?
Oh windy. You're on your 5th day. I think that's awesome. I always thought the 3rd day is the hardest. and the second month always seems to make me start smoking again.
I wish you the best of luck.
thanks so much.
Oh man, you guys are being so good to me. I'm so sorry I got pissy before. I'm sure i'll hate you all again tomorrow, LOL.
I told My hubby I wanted to get the patch tomorrow.
I feel very mopy right now. Like i'm saying a last good bye to an old friend. (almost like when sex and the city ended) lol.
I have almost an entire pack left and I have smoked only 3 1/4 cigs today. I'm very proud of that but at the same time so sad.
I feel worse for my husband because he's going to have to deal with everything that is going to happen to me in the next few months. Thank God he's such a great human being and a great partner.
I cannot wait to check out the rewards system tomorrow.
You guys are going to see a whole lot of me. Hope that's ok. :)
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