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13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 55

Found this site just in time! Studying abroad soon...

Hello willtolive!!

I love your avatar picture :) Welcome to this forum. I'm sure one of the health educators will come and give you the 'official' welcome soon, but in the meanwhile I just wanted to say Hi and that of course what you have to say matters!!! It matters to me because I am depressed too and I realised that I need an environment where I can share my thoughts and actually be UNDERSTOOD by people who are going through a similar situation, or have my thoughts CHALLENGED by the wonderful health educators this forum has, and the rest of the forum members. You've come to the right place :) I wish you all the best on your studies abroad , what an exciting oportunity!! I myself live in a foreign country and away from my family so I know it can be a little scary to be away from your support network, but is very doable and I do not regret the experience at all. If anything, I've grown so much because being away from everybody is forcing me to develop my 'core' and to build a more reliable self. I feel that I can now trust and depend on myself much more than I did when I was back home :)

Good luck and hope you find this program as helpful as I have found it :)

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 55

Found this site just in time! Studying abroad soon...

Scotland!!! Beautiful country indeed. I visited Edinburgh and did a little tour to the Highlands a few years ago, absolutely stunning place. Will never forget those castles and those mountains!!

Yes the little Elmo video never, ever fails to put me in a great mood!! Glad you liked it :)

Sounds like you have a great challenge ahead and I am sure you will do great. I think is good you recognise is going to be challenging but rewarding.

Wish you all the best!!

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 55

Myth or Fact

My closest friends are aware of my depression and they are very supportive and they are always there to listen to me when I need it. They do not judge me but I still feel sometimes that I shouldn't be 'bothering' them as much as I do, in spite of their reassurance that is ok to talk about it!! (guilt anyone?!) I think that's also why I have found this forum so helpful. People here understand me, either be a forum member, or a health educator, but they know what I am talking about and that makes it easier to talk about it, if you know what I mean. Friends are fantastic but I needed this too.

Also not all friends have the ability to empathize or know intuitively what to say when it comes to depression. In spite of the fact that they may have your best interest at heart, they may not know what to say or how to deal with it. I am truly grateful for having the friends I have almost always they are extremely supportive.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 55

Making Changes

What a great topic.

Yes, change scares me. I live in a foreign country an I know that at some point I either will have to a) go back home, or b) move to another country, and I find both things quite scary.

I also would like to change jobs eventually, but I also find that quite scary.

At the moment I am quite happy with my living situation, however I know at some stage I will need to move on... scary!!

Another thing I would love to do is change careers, but there's too much fear there as well. What if I don't like it? What if it doesn't make me as happy as I thought it would? What if I fail? What if it is too hard? What if I don't make enough money to live comfortably? So many 'what if's'....

I have done some great changes on my lifestyle and that was not scary. But I don't know how to go about the next major changes that I just described, and which I think which will probably be the following changes I will have to face in my life.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 55

Exercising... it really DOES work!!! :)

Hi Jonie, Thanks for the great advice, definitely taking it on board :) One thing that has helped me is to keep a tracker of my days. Basically I have an old fashioned calendar where I make little remarks that help me track my daily work (I give myself a little star if I had a 'good' day at work -as in, no procrastination), I also track my period, diet, mood and exercise there. Is so helpful because is helping me to weekly evaluate my results and is great to see how everything ties up together very nicely, i.e. if it was a productive day at work, it is usually accompanied by a good mood and exercise. I have never kept track of my days to this level of detail and is definitely very helpful, I would recommend it to anyone starting this program. Of course journaling is better, but if you don't feel ready to journal just yet, this is a great start. Is been 5 weeks since I started my exercise program and I feel great. I've only felt slight discomfort a couple of days, but the 'good' kind - as in when you lift weights and your muscles are sore the next day, the 'nice' kind of soreness if you know what I mean. Mood wise I feel much better when I exercise, because even if I had a 'bad day' (at work, or I felt depressed, etc.), at least I feel accomplished because I made it to the gym. This last week I made it to the gym 6 times out of 7, which itself is a huge accomplishment as my average attendance to the gym last year used to be zero days per month lol. I feel comfortable with this level of exercise, I actually would like to do more but I know is just my impatient side talking (wanting immediate changes/gratification) so I just keep telling to myself that I am already doing so well and no more exercise is needed nor recommended - I don't want to burn out :) Last Friday I felt a bit tired, it was a long, busy week at work, I had just got my period, and I had been following a balanced, yet strict diet. So I felt the need to take the day off, and I did. Stayed at home, and watched a movie instead. So I think I am even learning to listen to my body's needs in order to achieve a good balance. I'm so happy for these accomplishments. Good luck with your exercise program Jonie!!

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 55

I miss rehab...why?

Hi willtolive,

I think a big component of depression is wanting to 'avoid' the world out there... this could be for a lot of reasons.. because it feels cold, harsh, overwhelming, because we feel uncapable of taking care of ourselves... because future looks grim, or because we just feel too exhausted to 'do' life...to face the daily challenges, to deal with people and dissapointments, etc.

Yes rebuilding your life and showing up for yourself again does feel a bit scary sometimes but is a must if we want to regain control of our lives. Is also necessary to build a 'core', a sense of self that we can rely on. I think this is one of the best things about recovery, the sense of regaining control of your life and knowing that you are doing this by yourself, yes with the help of professionals like your therapist, the Health Educators here, etc. but at the end of the day you are doing the hard work and the effort. Is such a great feeling.

Little achievements here and there will help you to do this, and hopefully there will come a day when we feel that we can take care of ourselves, that the world is not such a terrible place after all, that the future doesn't look as dark as we thought it did, and that life is worth living indeed... and that we do have the capability of taking care of ourselves and loving ourselves and we can take our future in our own hands. Every day lived with integrity, self respect, self love, compassion and care will take us near to that goal.

Keep doing some soul searching and you'll find the answer :) but I can tell you that for me, the answer was that I just didn't want to 'do' life or to show up for myself. I felt entitled to having someone 'fixing' my life for me. I felt life 'owed' me. That is not true. Yes I may have some disadvantages (genetic, emotional upbringing etc) but I can not use those as my excuses to avoid getting better. They are just challenges on my recovery. Sometimes I still like I want to 'retreat' and be 'taken care of', but the more I learn how to take care of myself and trust my capability to do so, the less I feel the need to 'retreat'. Hope this makes sense :)

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 55

Do I talk to my employer?

Hi Courage,

So sorry to hear about this, I can relate so much.

I also used to work for a multi national at the time when my depression was at its worse. I was struggling so much, arriving late every day, staring blank at the computer, ungroomed, taking 'crying' breaks several times a day, leaving early, not communicating to my colleagues, the quality of my work was terrible, I was not engaged with work at all.

In my country there is no such thing as 'depression disability' so I just had to deal with it. I had two bosses, one organisational boss (Country Manager) and my reporting boss (Regional Area Manager who was based in another country). At the end of the day I just had to speak to both and let them know what was going on. They both were extremely understanding so I was very lucky on that regard, as I know a lot of people aren't as understanding. Once I was put on meds it took me 3-4 months to be able to function again, but I was good at my job and I think that as soon as I started feeling better I wanted to 'prove' my worth and I was also very grateful I had been able to keep my job through the whole depression, so I really tried to make up for the lost time.

Yes, people were talking and gossiping but to be honest, I was so exhausted I couldn't even care!! And the minute I started caring again, I just started working really hard to make up for the lost time. I was aware that he gossip had gone around the office but there was not much I could do besides getting back to work. I know this is not very encouraging, but the gossiping around us is out of our control. If you can open a line of communication with your boss and speak honestly about the problem, make a list of priorities and tackle those, maybe that will reduce the levels of anxiety. In my case my anxiety was all related to the possibility of losing my job. Once I spoke to my bosses and I knew I had their support and that I would not lose my job, that helped a lot and relieved some of the anxiety.

Sorry, probably not very helpful advice!!! But I do hope you start feeling better soon. The gossiping makes things harder but is definitely out of our control, although I believe that if someone is being particularly vicious and one has proof of that then is perfectly ok to speak to one's boss about it. We can't change the way our coworkers react to our depression, but is a workplace after all and they everyone is expected to behave in a respectful manner.

Hang in there! Things will get better :)

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 55

Avatars & Screen-names

I started practising Vipassana (Mindfulness) Meditation last year, to see if it would help with the depression. Most of the meditations end with the words 'May you be Well, and Happy'. I like those words a lot, which is why I chose them for my screen name. I guess is more about what they convey. Wishing someone to be well and happy, no matter what, and without expecting anything in return. I guess that's where unconditional love begins. I don't know, but I'd like to think so.

As for the picture, is the poster from the movie 'Happy Go Lucky'. I loved this movie so much. Is about a girl who stays so positive about life, no matter what... I am not like that, I'm more on the 'gloomy' side... lol. But certainly, I wish one day I will lighten up like her, and won't take life so seriously

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 55

Taking care of yourself

Great topic! :)

Taking care of myself didn't use to come naturally so I had to learn this skill!! But now that I have it, I quite enjoy taking care of myself, it feels right.

I used to associate 'rest' and 'pampering' with retreating, staying at home, eating junk and not seeing anyone. It took me a long while to realise that taking care of my self is not evasion, all the contrary. Is avoiding the destructive behaviours, as 'comfortable' as they feel, and replacing them with new, positive, wholesome behaviours.

So these days taking care of myself means the following:

- eating healthy

- sleeping enough (but not oversleeping)

- waking up on time and arriving to work on time

- bringing a healthy lunch with me

- challenging my procrastination habit at work

- calling a loved one if I am feeling lonely

- exercising even if I don't feel like it!

- mantain my house clean and tidy

- seeing the doctor if needed (I used to procrastinate this quite bit)

- taking care of my errands, bills, paperwork, etc.

- doing my program homework and coming to this forum :)

And now, my favourite part... pampering msyelf!!:

- getting a nice, long, relaxing bath :)

- watching a nice movie and ordering in my favourite sushi!

- going shopping or dining with a friend

- getting a manicure or a pedicure

- chocolate!!!!!!!!

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 55

Advice from the future!

Hi wildwildlife,

That's great advice.

Here's mine.

Advice from a decade ago:

Don't take life too seriously, and stop worrying about things that you can not change.

Advice in a decade from now:

Same as above!!

Perhaps I should try applying this right now... :)

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