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13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 55

Just dropping by to say hi.

Hello everyone,

I am a 35 year old woman, been struggling with depression for the last 5 years, but not giving up and I am determined to get better :) I thought this forum and system would be useful as at the moment I do not have access to a therapist. I've been off medication for 2 years now, and coping by my own means, although sometimes is a struggle. I suffer from PMDD which means the depression is quite cyclic, I usually have two good weeks followed by two depressive weeks. On the good weeks I am able to exercise, eat healthy, my outlook on life ranges from neutral to positive, I feel hopeful about the future and I enjoy being social. On the bad weeks, I wish I wasn't here, I really don't see what's the whole point of living, although I doubt I would hurt myself, mainly for two reasons, one is that I can't do that to my parents, it would destroy them, and second, because I believe in reincarnation (I was raised as a Catholic but identify quite strongly with Buddhism) so to me that means that if I kill myself, I'll just come back and will have to do it all over again anyway. So I rather deal with this in the best way I can. I also have to deal with codependancy issues (grew up with an alcoholic parent), procrastination and OCD issues, my own addictive patterns, and a very annoying existential crisis (on the bad days I just question what's the point of EVERYTHING and I feel quite bored and upset for having to 'do' life, because I really didn't ask for it! - very childish, I know).

Anyway, just wanted to introduce myself and share a little bit about me, hope here and together we can find tools for recovery and comfort and support.

Thanks for reading...

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 55

Just dropping by to say hi.

err I forgot to add mild social anxiety and huge intimacy issues too :(

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 55

Just dropping by to say hi.

Hi Tiana and thanks for the welcome message :)

I have just started the program today, looks great and I am quite determined to make the most out of it. By now I know there are no shortcuts and I must help myself, but it was about time I admitted that whatever methods I was following were not enough and I wasn't succeeding on getting better on my own. I need professional help especially for those days when I get into the circular thinking/stinking thinking/existential crisis days.

Today I am having an ok day but yesterday was terrible which is why I sought out help on the internet and thank godness I found this website and this forum. Thank you so much for being here and for doing this, and just knowing that there's someone I can reach out when things get bad is very comforting.

Thanks again for reading.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 55

Just dropping by to say hi.

Thanks everyone,

Just wanted to say that today I'm very grateful for the following:

- I've done so well with my exercising this week. My goal was to have at least three sessions of exercise per week, and I've done it :)

- My eating has been brilliant as well, really healthy food all week, haven't skipped breakfast or any meals, no junk food!

- My sleeping has been good as well... I have not allowed myself to stay up after 11 pm, taking baths and a cup of tea in the evening to help me relax and it has worked!

- I am listening to my music again on my way to work, and I have noticed it has had a tremendous impact in my overall mood all day!! (probably because I used the driving time to the office to do 'stinking thinking' - now I use it to sing out loud!)

- I have no procrastinated for TWO DAYS! I'm thrilled!

- I finally made a long overdue appointment with the doctor, that I had been procrastinating for ages. So glad I did it and I feel such a sense of accomplishment... feels good to take care of myself!!

Thanks again

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 55

Just introducing myself

Hi Courage,

Hang in there!! Sounds like you have a lot going on for you and I hope you feel better soon, must be nice to have a partner to support you through it :)

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 55

Session 4 Group Walkthrough

Thought Records... I love them!!

I'm finished with Session 4 and I have to say that the Thought Records homework (I'm on ABCD so far) has been very enlightening and most helpful. I had no idea I was doing that much negative thinking, I very often do most of the cognitive distortions, and is pretty great to put everything into writing because just reading back on it makes me realise how untrue and sweeping are some of those statements... lots of work to do still of course, this is just the beginning ,but is very comforting to know that this is the first step on learning how to change my thinking!!

So grateful for this program, thanks so much Depression Center and staff :)

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 55

Exercising... it really DOES work!!! :)

Well, no surprises here, but I know that for us depressed people, the idea of something that a lot of us find 'boring' or 'exhausting' or even 'impossible to accomplish' (since all we want to do is sleep, eh?!) will actually make us feel better, is very difficult to believe!!! (cognitive distortion anyone ;) )

Anyways, one of my goals is to exercise at least 4 times per week. So far I've been successful at this, knock on wood.

But the thing that I just wanted to say is that I CAN TESTIFY THAT EXERCISE DOES WORK TO COUNTERACT DEPRESSION!!!

Might be the sense of accomplishment, the release of feel-good hormones, the blood pumping, the getting back in touch with ones' body, the music on the iPod, or all of the above, but it does work. Today I had a pretty bad day and cried all morning because my health insurance company denied my request for some blood tests that my doctor ordered. Needless to say I made a mega tantrum and went into a spiral of negative thinking, covering all range of cognitive distortions, lol (I did my thought record!!). Anyway, point is, at some point in the evening, I felt a small, almost not there impulse to go to the gym (I had decided earlier I wouldn't because I was feeling so sorry for myself and I just wanted to vegetate on the sofa and eat). So I went, and after approximantely 10 minutes on the stationary bike, I actually started to feel better. Then I thought of what the program says, "exercise is one of the best tools against depression", and that alone made me smile. Then the songs of my favourite band made me smile even more. Then the sense of 'conquering', of 'turning around' such a sucky day, really made it for me. Not feeling on the top of the world at the moment, but much better, hell yes. I even called my mum for some 'moral support' (I usually don't call my dear ones when I have a bad day, because I don't want to 'bother' them... ah, working on changing that as well :) ).

Thanks again for this program, work it people, it works if you work it :)

Be well and happy.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 55

Exercising... it really DOES work!!! :)

Funny, I just read this on begnning of Lesson 5:

"Remember, the only two way to stop the downward spirals of depression is to change behaviors and challenge thoughts. Challenging behaviors and thoughts will lead to other changes in your mood. In contrast, trying to challenge feelings doesn’t work."

I guess that's why (or how) the exercise works... today I didn't try to change my feelings (it wouldn't have worked anyway), but I did change my behaviour, I went to exercise instead of saying defeated on the sofa, and boy, did it work to change my mood!! :)

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 55

Exercising... it really DOES work!!! :)

Well, I am already using this experience to challenge myself into going to the gym more often. I plan to use the positive gym experiences as my 'supporting evidence' that exercise is good for me and will definitely make me feel much better, especially on a bad day or when I feel I can't be bothered going. I keep telling to myself that all I need to do after work is change into my gym clothes and go downstaris (I'm very lucky to have a gym at my building), that is the 'difficult' part, because once I'm there I will exercise of course, and I will feel much better. So just change change change my clothes and go go go to the gym. So far the formula is working very well :)

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 55

This is INSANE!

Hi brightsunnyday,

I just wanted to add my opinion here, as my depression is also completely cyclical and period related (read my intro post on the introductions section to see if it resonates with you). Basically I have 2 bad weeks, 2 good weeks, then 2 bad weeks, 2 good weeks again, rinse and repeat. The two bad weeks start as soon as I ovulate. Then as soon as I have my period, I inmediatly feel much better. The first two weeks of my cycle I feel quite optimistic, energetic, I can follow my diet with no issues, I exercise, I enjoy being around friends, etc. Then as soon as I ovulate is all the opossite, I feel exhausted, don't want to be around anyone, have lots of cravings, I am super emotional and dry at the drop of a hat, and my thinking becomes extremely negative and obscure.

I have found that having a healthier lifestyle has helped immensely. I know it sounds like a cliche but it has. Cutting out heavy carbs and junk foods, drinking a lot of water, having 3 balanced meals, exercising regularly, going to sleep no later than 11.30, waking up at the same time every day, having a healthy breakfast, listening music on my way to work (to avoid the stinking thinking). I also take daily complete range of vitamins and supplements: a multi vitamin, vitamin C, vitamin B complex, St. Johns Wort, a probiotic, digestive enzymes and omegas. I]m not saying this is the perfect formula of course, but it has helped for sure. I notice I have gained some of my strenght back, at least enough to get me to the gym at least 3 times per week.

And on the 'bad' days I am learning to use the techniques described on this website, to deal with the cognitive distortions.

Definitely see a doctor if you have not, specially if you have other physical symptoms such as exhaustion, headaches that won't go away, can't tolerate cold, etc. Depression can be caused by many physical diseases such as thyroid disease and lots of nutritonal deficiencies as is been suggested here. See a doctor, get a full blood panel done, and see what the doctor finds out!! Worst case scenario, there's nothing there but at least you will know that you are physically healthy and that alone is good progress :) A healthy body is a thing to be celebrated!!

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