Hi Everyone -- I'm new to posting to discussion boards but am hoping that being here will help me through my journey to wellness.
I was first diagnosed just over 10 years ago and have had several ups and downs since then. This time I've been off work (on long term disability) for just over a year - my longest time off work ever! I've previously taken a CBT course but I've regressed and am not using the skills I learned there, so I'm hoping doing this online course will help me get back on track. I'm really trying not to beat myself up for regressing but it's hard!
Work places can be very stressful! When I returned to work from a 6 month sick leave, one of the conditions of my returning was that someone was to be available to answer my boss's phone at all times. Not a problem, there was another girl in the office who could do that when I wasn't there. Only problem was, we both wanted to take the same coffee and lunch times. I talked to her and asked her to take the earlier time because she and a couple of others went for a walk at coffee and lunch rather than going to the lunchroom. The people I usually had coffee and lunch with went at the later time and there would be no one for me to socialize with if I took the early time. And her answer was, No, we've always walked at the 12:30 and we're not going to change! Talk about being made to feel unimportant!
It took me writing an email to the 3 people involved and a cc to my boss (who is also their boss) and a staff meeting with everyone involved for the issue to be resolved. The boss finally said we could try putting the phone to voice mail over the breaks but I was to keep track of how many calls came in and how urgent they were, which turned out to be very few calls and none were urgent - go figure!
It also took me over a year to get this same boss to agree to an accommodation of a half hour later start time - and it took letters from my psych doc to our occupational health dept & a phone call between my doc and the employer's doc to confirm that this was a legitimate medical accommodation (one of the meds I take is very sedating and makes mornings extremely difficult) and thus the boss had no choice but to agree!
Talk about having to fight the stigma of mental illness - issues that should be a no-brainer to solve are made into mountains!
I've been off work for just over a year and my union's contract says that if a person is off work for more than 12 months, their job will be posted and filled by another full time employee. So my job was posted on Monday and when/if I'm ready to go back to work the company will have to find me another position in the same category as the one I left.
I wasn't totally surprised by this turn of events but I'm having trouble deciding how I feel about it - sometimes I'm relieved as the job, & my co-workers, weren't terribly supportive but sometimes I feel a real sense of grief and loss. This is the second job I've had to leave due to circumstances not under my control. The first time was a lot more difficult because I really liked what I was doing but it was being made into a part time position and I need full time work to support myself.
So here I sit, working to reframe my core belief that says "I'm not important" and I get hit with yet another situation that reinforces it! Argh!!!
Several years ago, my counsellor suggested I try taking class in something I'd always wanted to try. So I signed up for a folk art painting class at a local Michael's even though I didn't think I'd be able to complete the project or have the finished picture look anything like the sample. But, to my surprise, I did finish it, it looked good, and I really enjoyed the class.
I continued doing folk art for a while, then decided I wanted to learn one stroke painting. I signed up for a set of classes and now I paint flowers on wine glasses, mugs, plates, glasses amd pitchers and have even started selling them at local craft sales.
When I paint all my issues fade away and I end up feeling much better.
Some other creative outlets I use are scrapbooking, writing poetry or taking nature pictures.
Stress - yikes! One of my first clues that I'm feeling stressed is when I notice my shoulders are hunched up around my ears. That and the fact that I'm clenching my teeth. I can also suffer headaches, upset stomach and not sleeping well.
What I use to help decrease the stress varies with what symptom(s) I'm feeling. For the tension in my jaw and shoulders, I'll go for a massage. If I find myself having difficulty coping with a situation, I'll take myself off to a quiet place and listen to my mindful meditation CD. This usually helps me calm down enough to go back and finish whatever it is I was working on. When I'm having trouble sleeping, I use relaxation or guided meditation CD's to try and relax enough to sleep.
Hope these suggestions will help someone else too.
Thanks for the encouragement. This afternoon I'm going to the office to have "coffee and cake" with the staff and I'm so upset this morning that I'm afraid I'm going to say something hurtful or angry to my former colleagues. Any suggestions?
Thanks Breanne! I decided I can't do this alone so one of my daughters is going to come with me, and she'll bring my 3 year old grand daughter - there's nothing like a hug from a happy toddler to help lift the spirit.
But, before I go pick them up, I'm going to listen to my mindful meditation CD and do some deep breathing!
Well, I made it through "coffee & cake" without letting my emotions run rampant. Whenever anyone asked how I was doing, all I could say was "I'm doing everything I can to get better." I wasn't able to be happy & cheerful but I didn't break down into hysterical tears either. I'm so glad I asked my daughter and granddaughter to come with me - the antics of my little one helped fill some of the awkward silences.
Doing the mindful meditation CD before my shower was difficult - my mind wandered a lot more than usual but I completed the meditation and did feel a little calmer.
Now that today is over & done I'm going to focus on trying to move towards wellness and start on week 2 of the program.
Some days it's hard to think anything is good or positive, but this week I do have something good!
My son is taking a couple days off work and leaving tomorrow evening to go visit family - a 12 hour drive each way - and my kids convinced me that, because I've a pretty rough week, I needed to go with him and see my sisters! And now I'm really excited about going and spending the weekend with them! But don't tell them - it's a surprise!
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