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15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 61

Cant cope anymore

Hi all thanks for your replies, so far its just been another day of crying, and karlas your right the only reason im with him is because of the kids, i need him here to take the kids to school, do the shopping and i cant be on my own cause i panic, hes not violent, far from it, im just not in love with him anymore, not been for awhile, but its getting harder to live with now,

replies to your questions:

no im far from happy, im in it because i cant get out of it untell im better, my life if i was better would be so much better, id be alot happier but if not better then id have to move in with my mum which would be to much, and no im not still in love.

im sorry to hear you was in a violent relationship, that must of been awfull, x

things that make me happy, nothing at the moment, i cant honestly say one thing, obviously i love my kids but im just moody all the time and shouting, i feel like such a bad mum, and my girls deserver more than what they have, some days i just think how bout if i get up and leave, would the girls be better of staying with him? but i could never leave them, they my babies x

Thats another thing, like you have just said, the night times would be even worse than day times, how long have you been on your own? and when you split up was you able to go out? I hope you feel better soon x

michaelmj thanks for your reply and tips that you do, i will see if i can do what you have said, at the moment i dont know weather to just give up or carry on trying, feels like ive ben trying fir years but not getting anywere x

Faryal, thank you, no theres nothing specific, like i said im just not in love, i wish i was but its just not happening, i dont want to go to councelling, i think the relationship has run its course now, its been 10 years, long time for me lol met him when i was 17, i think we have both changed over the years and grown apart x

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 61

It Is that Time of The Year!

Im feeling very anxious tonight, itsn been creeping up last couple of days but tonights worse, breathing is getting hard and chest pains and heart going fast, i dont feel stressed, dont have anything to be stressed about as this year i have decided that we aint going out anywere like we normally do every year so i thought id be calmer than usual but im feeling alot worse and im sooo tired, do you think its just cause i know its xmas tomorrow? im just not looking forward to christams, got no festive cheer or anything

Happy christmas everyone hope you enjoy it xx

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 61

It Is that Time of The Year!

Hi Karen

Yes ive done my breathing and muscle relaxing unfortunatly its not working, i do keep trying think of having fun with the kids tomorrow and the anxiety goes down a little but then just comes back, its annoying me, i just hope tomorrow is better

Thanks Karen x

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 61

Merry Christmas!

Merry christmas from me also, hope you all have a fab day xx

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 61

Will This Ever End.

Hi bacon, im same age as you and also with 2 kids, i get this quite alot, especially lately, but didnt know it had a name for it untell now and reading your post, mine also comes and goes depending on how anxious and tired i have been, my anxiety at the min is 24/7 so im having it alot more with headaches and sore eyes, i started the sessions awhile ago and they did help although with the christmas period and my anxiety being realy high ive not done it, but i think if you give them a go, you will soon start to feel better and hopefully everything will improve for you, today ive thought to myself its time to change so i rang the doc who will ring me back tomorrow and hopefully get some meds n feel better, i hope things work out for u x

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 61

Avoidance Strategies

Thanks for this Faryal, i do all of those things,

this has made me relise to what extent i do things and i know i will have to change them in time if i want to get better

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 61

Welcome to Behavioural Therapy Day

Hi everyone

Im same as you cadenmccallum my negative thought just seem to be there so often and half the time i dont even know what they are i just feel the effects of them or ill know ive just had a negative thought but in a instant its gone and i dont know what it was, im still struggling on how to challenge them as half of them just seem daft, like over the past couple of weeks ive developed a new time to panic lol its now if my partner goes into the bedroom at about 6-7ish i start to panic thinking if hes in there ill not beable to get peace n quiet if i panic so then thinking that sets me of, but how do i challenge that thought argghhhh its so hard lol

Thanks zoe

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 61

Cant cope anymore

Hiya everyone thanks for your replies, sorry ive not wrote on this, im no better, anxiety is getting worse n worse by the day, im anxious 24/7 now and then things in the day or night will make it worse, i cry alot, i shout alot, i try to hide away alot, ive had some people out to assess me which is a step in the right direction i suppose, she said she would get me some medication for depression and anxiety then rang today and said her and a phsyciatris will be coming out on 24th feb and thats when i will get some meds, so have to wait another month for any help, i have go hosp on 30th this month as ive found i have pre-cancerous cells of the cervix, ive already cancelled 3 apps to remove these, feels like im cracking up at minute, i dont know what to do with myself, oh well maybe it will get better next month

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 61

Cant cope anymore

Hi karla,

sorry to hear your going through the same thing with the pre-cancerous cells, its frightening aint it, and cant help imagining the "what ifs" which i know is a bad thing to do. Ive also been for the biopsy and now have to go for a large loop excision i think its called, it didnt say which or the CIN's i had, i know theres 1, 2 or 3 aint there? it just said pre-cancerous cells, and your right the longer ive avoided it im getting more anxious about going, were as if id gone straight away like the first time i would of been ok and it would be over with now. Congratulations on the pregnancy, can they not do anything at all untell the baby is born? Ive just recieved 5 diazepam from docs for when i have go hospital, so hopefully they will help me, sounds like the hospital near you is a waste of time, is there no others they can send you to? the hospital in my town dont have the equipment to do it so i have go to another town which takes half an hours drive which i think makes it worse for me as i hate stopping in traffic and at traffic lights and cos ive been there once before (3 mnths ago for the biopsy) i know how bad it is now.

Hey Sarah

I didnt do anything to take time for myself yesterday, reading books makes me more anxious cos my mind wonders to negative thoughts, ill have to try and think of some stuff that i think will help me. As i said to karla i got some diazepam this morning but not took any as they have only give me 5 so want save them for when it snearer the time to go to the hospital, no shes not give me anything else, well she gave me a card with her number on it, i dont know why they are making me wait another month as she said i was really depressed when she came and said she could see i was struggling and that she would get me some meds and come back in 4 weeks to see how im getting on then rang yest and said id have wait tell feb.

My partner is out at the moment and im in on my own, im feelin really anxious but im challenging myself to stay downstairs and not run of to my bedroom "safe place" like i usually do.

Thanks again, this site helps so much x

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 61

Cant cope anymore

yes im from the uk, im from wigan.

Ill give the number plate game a go, take some music, take my book with the cbt stuff in it that ive wrote and anything else i can think of lol, but my mums coming with me so hopefully wont be to bad and like ya said the tabs should calm me down.

My treatment is on 30th jan so next friday, but ive waited 3 month since having the biopsy done cause like i said ive missed 3 apps, ive got go leigh for the treatment, plus the ward i have to go is on 2nd floor which dosnt help. No not talked to the fella bout it, he's not much help just sits there and looks at me or just says it will be fine and thats it end of convo lol.

The thing thats worrying me most is i dont know how long ive had it ( i got it from HPV) but it was my first smear that ive had at age of 26, plus had some of the sypmtoms it says you can get if you have cancer of the cervix. I know i wont have it but like i said before, its the "what ifs" aint it. You just worry i suppose

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