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15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 72

Hi from windsybarbie

Hi Everyone:

I am in the process of being diagnosed with bipolar as I have an appointment with my shrink on Nov 18/08. I have had a MMD episode about 10 years ago and I think I was in one this summer but did not realize it.I have been off psych drugs for 5 years and I was very proud of that. BUT if I feel myself again, I will resign to being on drugs. I have never experienced a time when I thought I was superwoman, try to work 70+ hours a week, 3 hrs of sleep, not eating, fast talking etc....it was very scarey. My shrink put me on wellbrutrinxl on Oct 9/08 and it is if I woke up. I was in a daze for over 6 months. I am scared but I am hoping this site will help. You have already, as I am on the 4th week and I am doing the exercises. It is so nice to know other people have been experiencing what I have again. I look forward to hearing from you and telling you what has worked for me in the past. I am now doing my budget again/watching my sleeping and eating and planningon using my membership at YMCA.

Thank You.....Windsybarbie.....

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 72

Starting taking lamictal for nerve pain???

Hi There:

I saw my neurologist yesterday because my pain in my hands and feet due to my neck and lower back has returned. The pain is over 10 and right now my dr has me on hydromorph but I still have the pain and neuropathy. At least my neurologist listened and has ordered another MRI and EMG tests to see if my body will show something physically as it has been 2003 since I had the last tests.

I am very concerned however that the neurologist has put me on lamictal and he thinks this may help with the nerve pain. I have tried all the other anti convulsants without success. When he recommended gababentin and lyrica it was havoc on my body. When I took it yesterday for the first time I was so woozy and dizzy I had to sleep right away and I slept for 10 hrs. I am having a hard time to wake up and I need to drive later today and go to work tomorrow. I know I have to go thru the side effects, but does anyone have the experience that the dizziness will go away etc....

Also, from July-Oct I think I have been experiencing an manic episode as when I do the online tests it shows that I should be checked for bipolar. I see my shrink next week and I want to ask him and I am very concerned that he will be angry with me because my neurologist prescribed lamictal. However, I am not responsible what med a professional recommends and I just told him my shrink put me on wellbrutrinxl on Oct 9/08 and it was as if I WOKE up. I now am eating/sleeping and using my excel budget daily and having a plan for exercise and following lists. I noticed a difference in a week and now I am taking this bipolar drug. I am wondering if this is necessary, because I also am on zoplicone for sleep again because I wake up in the middle of the night since I took the wellbrutrinxl.

Also if anyone has any experience with lamictal for nerve pain I would be very interested, because when I looked on the internet lamictal was not very promising for nerve pain. The neurologist told me it will be a month until I see an effect. Any comments would be appreciated because I am very scared and hesitant to try this med. I work with special needs students and I drive them and I am afraid the lamictal will make me too drowsy and not alert. Thank you for listenening. Windsy

PS: I could not even go to church for rememberance service as I planned because of the drowsiness. Today I will try to drive to my massage appointment.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 72

Hi from windsybarbie

Hi Everyone:

Rose thank you for asking. I had a good appointment with my shrink. He believes I have bipolar1 or hypomania. He was going to put me on elavil but I told him I am on lamictal for pain and he said that was the same family. I tried elavil a few years ago and had a bad reaction. The dr said it was worth a try and it takes a while until the dosage works to its full strength. He also is going to make arrangements for me to see another shrink for a second opinion as bipolar is not his speciality, it may take 2 months but that is okay. He is so busy he doesn't have anymore time for me except every 6 weeks for 30 minutes. At least he heard me and he really knows it is different this time. I am a warrior and survivor and I will be okay as I know I have people that love and care about me. I will be working on this CBT program and asking for help to get thru this if I need it.

Tonight I had my "first date" with my niece, as she lives down the backlane from me, and on Sunday she came over and told me we are going to spend one night a week together. Tonight she made tuna casserole and it was great and we talked and she lent me dvd's to watch. Next week they are coming to my apartment for dinner and I will be making a fish dish.

Her mother I think may be jealous as this niece moved away to Windsor but now returned and got a job. My sister really upset me today because she thinks bipolar is the same as DID and I don't think that is true. Her attitude was I and the family knew you had depression (bipolar) and it is no big deal. I do not like her attitude and I became strong and was upset, had a shower and then went for dinner to my niece's. I am trying to think where it came from. I am liked and loved by alot of people and she has a bad reputation. She does not know anything and she wonders why I will not talk to her.

I have 2 friends where we help each other as we suffer from fibro, bipolar and pain and understand and help each other. In fact on Mondays all 3 of us are going to a regular relaxation and stretching at Mood disorders. We are also joining the social group for mood disorders. I tried to tell my sister that I will not be embarassed any longer to say I am going to mood disorders.

My sister is offended I will confide in my friends but I don't want my brother or cousins knowing. It is my right to ask for privacy but the pattern is she does what she wants and does not care about other people's feelings. I want to do nothing to do with her, but Christmas and Christmas Eve is at her house and she is toxic but I will wait until Monday to talk to my counsellor. I am trying to think where it is coming from as I have this group and I know people care about me. Sorry for the long email but I am hurting but I am strong and thank you for listening. I have been on the internet and I know alot about depression, as my shrink says I could teach a course on recovery and depression. At least I have professionals and friends that care and a brother in another city and this online group. I was sick today with the flu and I just took it easy and did not work my 2 jobs and I know the special needs students care about me. That is what is important to me, not my sister and her far out ideas.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 72

Hi from windsybarbie

Hi Wildcat

DID is dissociative identity disorder or multiple personality disorder. I am NOT Sybil like the movie portrays and I still don't see myself as that but professionals do. It happens when you were hurt very badly and in my case when I was younger. However I do not loose time and I remember things and I know where I am. What I am able to do is, really get upset, cry or be really distraught and in 5 min compose and be a manager part that I have to do my job. For eg: I am a special needs educational assistant and last week I was upset, and did not want to be at school. I told the student to give me 5 minutes and then I was happy, smiling and talking with the children at the daycare. She couldn't believe that I switched, but I told her, even if you have a migraine you can not show it to children. In fact that same day a parent said you must be a morning person as you are so happy.

My manager part allows me to function and take care of things without feelings. I have learnt to manage myself that I am not the child part as I am an adult and I have 1 full time job and 3 part time jobs. I have had Major Depression about 10 years ago and that is difficult enough and now I have been diagnosed with bipolar. It is hard but I will be okay as I have people that care about me. My niece I was telling you about will probably work with me at the YMCA after school program and she will get a YMCA membership. I can drive her home and now I will have a buddy to work out or go to acquafit. That will be FUN, and today I quit working with my student for respite as she was getting difficult and it is conflict of interest. I am going to try to get another shift at YMCA After school program or try YMCA daycare as the director knows I am good with children. I have hope and people that love and care about me. Thank You for the kind words and I look forward to all your posts. I hope everyone has a GREAT day tomorrow and a good weekend. Tonight I am accompanying an ex student to an acting class and integrating him in the class. We have 3 more classes left and I am not sure if he signed up for more, but it was FUN. It was called Clown, Character and Mask and this student is perfect and the other 4 students accepted him and it is so nice to see. Talk to you later I have to catch a bus now as my student will be waiting for me......

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 72

WIndsy learning how to BREATHE and stretch

Hi Everyone:

I just want to see how everyone is doing. Monday night I went to my 2nd stretch & relaxation class and my pain is much better. Yesterday I only need 1 narcotic pill during the whole day.....I did not want to go on Monday evening b/c of therapy, talking about BIG family issues. I went b/c I go with a friend and I am glad I did. Whenever I find time I want to do them at home, and I learnt it is okay to BREATHE. On Sunday I learnt some breathing techniques in meditation and it is helping and I am modeling for my special ed students. I am also going to the symphony again on Sunday with my friend, about a polar bear. I find joining the social group- mood disorders group helped me alot.....I am glad they are there and I am glad I have this board for support. Thank You......I was afraid to breathe b/c I was never shown deep breathing, but now I find it relaxaes me instead of keying me up. I just have to PRACTICE and keep doing it. I don't think my burning pain is due to physical reasons, my EMG is normal and I go to pain clinic tomorrow to see if they have any ideas. However, I need support to understand that it is NOT my fault that my body is giving me signals. I have so much pain that it has manifested to my body in burning pain. Can someone please explain if this has happened to them and what they have done>>> Is it MY fault that I have a somatization disorder????? It is REAL pain but no physical cause yet but if I do exercises, stretching and relaxing it helps alot. On Friday I will be subbing at a daycare for the first time, and the workers said they are excited I am coming. Now that is encouragement.......Have a great day.....I have to run now as I only have 2 jobs today and then I am making a late supper for my niece and her boyfriend.....I am using a new recipe from the internet so I hope it turns out....but at least now I am willing to try, which before I was a hermit. PS: Since my friend and I have joined social group- she is getting out more, inviting me for supper and seeing her friends again and she is NOT a hermit on the couch anymore.

Thinking of all of you.....Windsy

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 72

Starting a new med

Hi Everyone:

I hope everyone is doing fine, and better than I am. I see my GP on Monday and I am asking for 3 weeks off to recover and relax. I was doing too much and my pain is over 10 continually in hands and feet, burning, stabbing pain. I spoke to my pricipal and she thinks I need time off, b/c the pain is so bad I cry and I am not helping anyone. I have to stop working at YMCA After School program, respite and my co-op ed class. .

In fact I was NOT taking the hydromorph every 4-6 hours and for 3 days I thought I was feeling better until Thursday. The pain was OVER 15 and the reason was it was not in my system anymore. Apparently I have to take the 2mg of hydromorph regularly or receive the pain. The drugs are making my brain foggy and I don't remember things and all I want to do is sleep, and I have to keep lists everywhere. I have charts for when I take my meds, my routine etc.....I also will work condensing my WRAP I did in 3 days.

I did go to the pain clinic on Thursday and they are helping me with the bad side effects of the narcotics and referring me to a specialist for Fibro. He apparently has a waiting list that I am on and we will see what he says. In fact 2 years ago I was in his study on Nabilone (cesamet) trial for fibro and it helped me. In Sept I tapered off the cesamet and have stopped completely and now have the bad burning pain again. Advice of pharmacist and approval of my drs. It may be related and the injury I had at work on Oct 08/08. The pain clinic have also put me on 1mg of methadone, twice a day, as it doesn't have the bad side effects as the hydromorph. I have decided that driving is not a good idea, so I am getting picked up by people or taking the bus. These meds are leaving me drowsy, dopey and dizzy etc....and i am not that alert. Tonight my sister's family picked me up to see the Christmas Lights in Wonderland Park in my city and it was a nice evening with mini donuts and hot chocolate. I will update you next week to let you know if I did get the time off and then I will meditate, breath deeply and stretch and exercise and catch up on my reading and do this depression CBT program. I hope you are all well, please take care. Thanks for being there for me. I would recommend checking with your mood disorders association in your city to see if they have a social group that has activiities and gets free tickets or discounts for activiities. My friend found it, and we go together and keep each other accountable. Windsy.....

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 72

Starting and Stopping Medication

Hi:

I am in the process of getting diagnosed for Biploar Depression they hypomania form. My shrink is asking for a 2nd opinion to be sure. My neurologist just put me on Lamictal and I am still going up on that dose. I have been on wellbrutrinxl since Oct 08/08 and I found a difference in 1 week. I have kepts records on what all this medication is doing as I can't remember things and I get things mixed up. I just went to pain clinic in my city, and they have me on 1mg of methadone twice a day and a regime for bad side effects due to narcotics. I am being referred to a fibro specialist, and possibly my burning, stabbing pain has returned b/c I stopped taking nabilone (cesamet) advice of pharmacist and approval of my drs. On Monday I have to ask my gp for 3 weeks off as I can't work and it interferes with my daily living. Hang in there, now I have a future but I hope 2009 is better for me than 2008. I was OFF psych meds for 5 years and now I am on narcotics and psych meds because the pain is so unbearable. I have learnt meditation, deep breathing and stretching and relaxation and I now will have the time to do that and exercise during the day if my dr gives me the time off. I will continue my 4 jobs in January as I want to have a good Christmas, but the way I am feeling now I have my doubts. I have resigned to the fact if I don't have bad thoughs or be manic, I will go on drugs for the rest of my life. I don't want to put my jobs in jeopardy and I still want to work with special ed students. Take Care....pls keep us updated.....Windsy

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 72

what is the goldberg test and where do I find it?

Hi:

I am doing the section on negative thoughts and it says do the goldberg test. I have done the WB-DAT test, where is this test please as it on the depression center website? Thank You Windsy

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 72

Conversion Disorder or Somatization Disorder

Hi There:

My burning pain the hands and feet are tolerable for now. The pharmacist did not explain to me that 1 syringe was 1 ml, and I misunderstood. Therefore I was NOT getting the methadone properly for pain for 4 days. Needless to say the pain was so excruciating I thought I had to take 3 weeks off work. Instead he can my division a note that if I am in pain, I will call for a sub the night before.

HOWEVER, I was wondering if anyone knows about somatization disorder conversion disorder. Does this mean that the pain is all in my mind and head. or would it mean that the mind, body, spirit are all connected. Just because no organic or physical cause is being found, it doesn't mean that I don't have the pain????

A couple of years my shrink mentioned conversion disorder but we did not pursue it any further. If I do have this, does this mean I am mentally ill or crazy???? Please let me know as much info as you can, as this is really bothering me as I am NOT making up the pain. It may be related to my childhood and that is why it is now showing up physically. I cannot help it if that is the case, same thing that I get body memories due to trauma and neglect as a child. Thanks......Windsy

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 72

Conversion Disorder or Somatization Disorder

Hi:

Thank You for replying to me, I appreciate that.

Today I found in a newsletter which may be a disease I may have that I have to ask the pain clinic on Dec 30/08. However the pain is way over 10 again, and I think I will call and ask if there is a cancellation to call me.

Paula Abdul has this: It is called Complex Regional Pain Syndrome (CRPS) or another name for it is Relflex Sympathetic Dystrophy (RSD). It has to do with the sympathetic nerve and the main sympton is severe burning pain. I have emailed some sites and I hope they respond b/c I want to know what to say to my drs.

CPRS is a malfunction of part of the nervous system. They said having a carpal tunnel operation could be the culprit, and 5 yrs ago I had that operation and then my pain started. Does anyone know anything about this disorder?

Today was a very hard day, and I can't even sleep b/c the pain is about a 15+ from 1-10. I will NOT give up, and at least I have hope b/c there are websites on the internet with this syndrome. They say it affects 200,000 to 1.2 million americans.

They say it is NOT a psychological syndrome, and treatments is meds, physical therapy, pysch support, sympathetic nerve blocks and spinal cord stimulation. Alot of the symptoms I have so it is worth a try to ask my drs.

Have a good day....and thanks for being here for me.....I really do appreciate it, I know now I am not alone

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